Every year, as March Madness grips the land, we invite into our homes a squad of gentlemen we would never think of allowing in our neighborhoods otherwise. Calm down, Stephen A., I'm not talking about the ripped, tattooed fellows cruising the floor, slamming the ball with authority. No, I'm referring to the little punks, the wire-armed guards out there mercilessly hand-checking your team's best player; the lumbering oaf whos size 14's twisted the ankle of your team's dominant center; the sharp-shooter sinking the three that puts the dagger in your team's heart. Yes, I'm talking about the Annoying White Guy. Every year they populate the tournament, Cheerios in the basketball bowl of Wheaties. They're never a team's star, and almost always get described with those beloved announcer code words... "He's got a huge heart," "He never quits," or "He's got lots of basketball smarts."

Here is this year's NCAA Sweet 16 First-Team All-Annoying White Guy:

	Kevin Kruger, G, UNLV - 6' 2", 185 lbs. Kruger is the annual announcer's wet dream: scrappy little white guy, and a coach's son. The fact that the coach of whom he's the son is the coach of THE SAME TEAM ruins Bill Raftery's shorts whenever he gets to do a UNLV game (though that may just be that Raftery's senile and thinks he's in the bathroom already). Following in the footsteps of Bryce Drew, Kruger has shot his underdog Running Rebs into the Sweet 16 - well, except for that 0-8 FG (all 3's) performance against Georgia Tech. However, stinking it up against the Jackets simply let the announcers unleash the "shooters just have to keep shooting" cliche barrage for the Wisconsin game, and Kruger didn't disappoint, hoisting 9 3-pointers (making 4 this time) as the over-seeded Badgers got bounced. Predict what you will about the Oregon-UNLV game, but you know Kruger's gunning for 10 triples. (And yes, he comes close to being The Star on this team, but there are so many trademark AWG traits that he couldn't NOT be on this team, and would probably captain it.)
	Dan Cage, G, Vanderbilt - 6' 5", 215 lbs. What a long, strange trip it's been for Mr. Cage. From originally signing with St. Bonaventure, headed towards a nothing career, he instead is co-captain of a Sweet Sixteen-bound Commodore team, and has a douche-bag beard. OK, the beard might have happened anyway. Danny serves the classic Annoying White Guard role for Vandy, taking the dish-outs when Derrick Byars drives the hoop, and hitting the open 3 at a .456 clip. You think you finally stopped the easy layout for the star, and BAM, there's another deep triple from the clutzy looking fellow in the corner. Absolute heartbreaker.
	Brandon Crone, F, Butler - 6' 6", 225 lbs. Finding a representative from Butler was like shooting the proverbial fish in a barrel, except the barrel was a Coors party ball and this fish was already dead. A.J. Graves easily would have earned the spot, except he's the team's star (I use the term loosely). So instead, the aptly named Crone gets the nod. This lurp obviously got his fashion clues from watching Yo! MTV Raps, between the atrocious shirt and the extended neck pose. How did he earn the right to such attitude? By posting the 27th most points in the Horizon League, along with the 17th highest rebounding total. Yes, the Horizon League, home of powerhouses Wisconsin-Green Bay and Cleveland State. What truly earned Crone his spot on the team was his 1.45 steals per game. Quick little PG dribbles inside, slashing to the hoop, and all of the sudden FrankenCrone slips a hand in and pokes the ball away, probably tripping the little guy in the process, causing a strained hammy.
	Matt Terwilliger, F, Ohio State - 6' 8", 250 lbs. Terwilliger is the classic corn-fed Midwestern white boy who realized early on that despite being taller than everyone at school, he wasn't going to be able to hold his own in the paint once he left the comfort of high school. So instead he developed a shooting touch from outside, leading to his 1.8 rebounds per game, while he left Oden to do the dirty work and hoisted 11 three-pointers for the season. No, not much by Kruger standards, but high for someone listed as a F/C, and twice as many as similarly-sized front-court mate Othello Hunter took in twice as many minutes. So Terwilliger gets the nod as the big annoying guy who parks himself outside the lane, sets a few weak picks, and then drops an annoying 16-footer over your true forward.
	Sasha Kaun, C, Kansas - 6' 11", 245 lbs. Kansas, being a traditionally "urban" state, had to go to Florida to get their representative on the AWG team. Most of what he brings to the team is his name, because any time you can get Shakha Khan in your head, life is good. He certainly isn't bringing mad game. He averaged 6 points a game, which isn't so bad when you consider the depth of Kansas' lineup. However, at a shade under 7-feet, he averaged only 4 boards a game, despite starting 26 games. Compare that to Darnell Jackson, is three inches shorter, only started 3 games, averaged 2 fewer minutes per game, and STILL managed to pull down an average of an entire rebound per game more than Sasha. As such, Sasha takes the honorary Space-Filler role on this year's team, drawing annoying ticky-tack fouls on the other team's center with his unproductive flailing around the hoop.