In his prime

"Moondog" Darryl Samson, a celebrated Alabama fairground wrestling champion in the early nineteen eighties, had his magnificent career tragically cut short during the 1985 Slambonanza: Wrestling Show, Tractor Pull, and Pie Eating Competetion, when a steel chair shot delivered to the pelvis by “El Fantastico” rendered him monoplegic.

The selected excerpts that follow were found in a loose-leaf journal that Moondog kept stapled to the inside of his crippled left thigh.

May 17, 1987

Woke up around 11:30, put my dog Duke in a headlock. Ate toast and jam. Drank three glasses of milk. Rode bicycle to new job. Suplexing customer on to the hood of their car when they do not tip you is even more frowned upon than wearing old wrestling unitards to work. Must re-read Food Lion employee handbook.

June 5, 1988

Woke up in a questionable liquid. Most likely my own urine. Put Duke in a figure-four leg lock. Drank two Busch Lights. Flossed. Searched through classified section of the paper. Peed off the front porch. Made championship belt out of cardboard cereal box. Tasted my own tears for the very first time. Rented Robocop on beta.

December 10, 1989

Alabama's golden boy

Woke up spooning a Denny’s waitress who appeared to have a mustache. On the way to the kitchen, put Duke in a full nelson. Balanced my checkbook. Drank carrot juice and whisky. Peed on the couch. Denny’s waitress unsuspectingly bludgeoned me in the head with a folding chair, stole 20 dollars, and pushed over my fish tank.

February 22, 1991

Woke up in yet another questionable liquid. Possibly the blood of a transient. Drank seven Busch Light’s. Body Slammed Duke through the kitchen table. Finished a Crossword Puzzle. Skipped breakfast and threw a rock through a neighbors window with note attached challenging them to a battle royal. They declined. Back of the Police car not as comfortable as it appears on the COPS television program.

April 9, 1992

Woke up beneath the I-65 interstate bridge. Drank Listerine out of an old shoe. Named my scabs. Stood on corner of Peagrum and 5th challenging local traffic to a no holds barred cage match in exchange for food. No takers. Applied firm wristlock to a school crossing guard before being mercilessly kicked in the balls by three sixth graders.

The bitter end

May 14, 1992

Woke up in parking lot of old fairgrounds. Drank oily puddle of water. Yelled at God. Injected found can of shoe polish in between toes with needle borrowed from transvestite tilt-a-whirl operator as Glory Days by Bruce Springsteen played on nearby loud speakers. Must live to wrestle another day.

Moondog Samson
R.I.P.
9/14/47 - 5/15/92