BAYONNE, NJ -- Junior class elections at Bayonne High School took a wild turn last Wednesday as write-in candidates Your Mother (78 votes) and Blow Me (63 votes) ermerged as the top vote getters in the race for vice-president.

However, because neither candidate received the 107 votes necessary to win a majority of votes cast, a runoff between these two previously unheralded candidates will be held next Monday.

Incumbent sophomore class vice-president Danielle Szarneki finished a disappointing third with 59 votes, most of which were clustered in her own homeroom.

Andrew Melvin, who died of a methamphetamine overdose a week before the election, finished fourth with 12 votes.

When informed of the election results, Bayonne history teacher Kevin Phelps said, "I told [Junior Class Faculty Advisor] Karen [Griggs] that this would happen if she left a space for write-ins. But she was like, 'I think it'll be a great experiment in democracy for the kids.' I was like, 'Fine, I don't give two shits.'"

Phelps added that although he was not surprised that most students abused the opportunity to write in their choice for vice-president, he was surprised at the unprecedented number of votes received by both Your Mother and Blow Me.

Dude, put 'Blow Me.' Seriously, just do it.

"Usually, it's only like five or six guys in each homeroom who do it, so the write-in votes are pretty spread out. Jenna Tulwarts will get a few, Dick Phelternsnatch gets a couple. [Vice-Principal Joseph] Bruno's Wife usually ends up getting a few votes for treasurer, but never enough to affect the outcome of the election. This time the little morons really got organized. I gotta hand it to them on that."

The surprising turnout for the two write-in candidates was apparently the result of intense campaigning on the morning of the election.

According to student Dave Espada, "A couple burnouts were hanging out by the front door telling everyone to write in Blow Me for vice-president. Turns out they were pissed at Danielle because her dad called the cops when [vocational education student Dennis] Carbone and a bunch of those guys were drinking in the woods behind her house."

However, an ideological split among the organizers of the write-in campaign resulted in a second group of students positioning themselves by the school's parking lot entrance and urging classmates to cast their votes for Your Mother.

"Carbone wanted to do Your Mother since he's already on probation, and he figured if we put something dirty he'd get expelled," said a male student who declined to be identified. This student added that despite Carbone's preference for Your Mother, "Jimmy [Chapin] and Brian [Rooney] were like, 'Quit being such a bitch, Denny. We can't change now since we already told like 50 people to do Blow Me.'"

When reached for comment, a disappointed Szarneki said of the elections, "Of course I'm upset. I mean, after that tweaker Andrew OD'ed, I pretty much stopped campaigning. I guess I should've spent more time giving handys to guys to get their votes like I did last year."