LOUISVILLE, KY (UPI)- Citing intense competition from the Pizza Hut Meat Lover’s Pizza and the Domino’s Steak Fanatic Pizza, Papa John’s has entered the testosterone-laden pizza wars, offering triangular bricks of solid meat to consumers.

Papa John’s new Man Meatza® is made with an all meat crust, a liquified ground chuck sauce and your choice of meat toppings – including sausage, pepperoni and white-tailed deer. For only $2 more, customers can order a deep dish Man Meatza® -- an eleven-inch-thick slab of uncooked meat, doused in the same great-tasting beef sauce and meat toppings that make the pan Meatza® so spectacular.

The Man Meatza® is not for just any occasion. It should be eaten when the tasks of manhood demand nothing less. Whether you’re coming home from a grueling day of manual labor in your Ford F-150, watching Sunday afternoon football, or beating your wife and kids with that rolled-up February 1997 issue of Motor Trend.

“It’s clear that the meat makes the man,” says John Schnatter, CEO of Papa Johns Pizza.

Says Papa John: Think your balls are bigger than mine? Maybe. Hairier? No way, pal.

“Why bother with effeminate cheeses and breads, when you can cut right to the heart of what a man wants. Animal flesh. Meatza® eaters may be the union workers and manual laborers near the bottom of the corporate ladder, but they’re at the top of the food chain, and we won’t let them forget it.

"The Man Meatza® isn’t served on a fancy platter. It’s a meal for the blue-collar guy who works hard and plays hard. Put down the silverware, this is a hands-on feasting experience. In fact, true Meatza® lovers don’t even use plates. A paper towel won’t hold this bad boy. Luckily, with each Meatza®, Papa John's provides 8.5” x 11” bologna towelettes – so you won’t get your Wranglers greasy – that is, any more greasy than they already are, you rugged, hoss of a working man. Now go drape yourself in an American flag before you down this protein powerhouse."

Papa John’s has also replaced its signature breadsticks and garlic dipping sauce with Meat Stix®, and a more manly dipping sauce called Virgin’s Blood®. Rumors have it that the Virgin’s Blood® is actually a combination of marinara sauce and Mormon bone marrow, but that hasn’t slowed consumer responses in recent taste tests.

“The most remarkable thing about Papa Johns new Man Meatza® is that it’s kosher for manhood. And no, we don’t have some twerpy yarmulke-wielding Rabbi in each of our 4,000 locations across the country blessing these slabs of meat before they’re cooked. What we do have in each store is a Mexican guy named Jorge who earns $5.85 an hour, blessing each pizza before it’s popped into the oven. Armed with a pair of severed Oaxacan bull testicles, Jorge drapes the scrotum across each pizza to spread the blessing of masculinity. And the best part about our definition of kosher, is that when we close shop at the end of each night, we don’t have to live with Jesus’ death on our conscience,” Schnatter explained. “Which reminds me, Meatza is not for your average Jew!”

The new Man Meatza® is FDA approved, though Papa John's recommends to refrigerate all leftovers immediately, or the Meatza may sprout back hair or start doing squats. "It truly is a mystical, masculine, culinary splendor," said Schnatter.

For a limited time only, you can get a two-liter bottle of Pennzoil free with every Meatza® order. Call your local Papa John’s today! Better ingredients. Better Pizza.