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(0 Stars) Let me just say that this movie SUCKED BALLS.
Let me also say that I haven't seen it yet, but that's hardly important. I made a vow that I wouldn't go and see it unless the monkey lives at the end. I heard he doesn't. So I know at least one filthy Australian who won't be getting my 9 bucks: Jesse Jackson.
As much as I enjoyed the Lord of the Rings and his other movie the Chronicle (What? LOL) of Narnia, I am giving a big thumbs down to King Kong. Look, I saw the original and that thing sucked too. Those special effects were awful, they looked like they were straight out of the 1930's or something. And black and white? That's so over-played. "Hey, I've got some artsy fartsy movie about the Holocaust or Frankenstein and I think it'll make it more interesting if I do it in black and white." WRONG.
Parlor tricks and film-school pretensions do not a blockbuster make. From what I've seen in the previews, this movie is just a big ripoff of the Steve Spielberg classic, "Jurassic Parks 1 and 2". Dinosaurs? Please, didn't Barney take the wind out of the "T-Rex as evil-doer" convention once and for all? Plus I could totally see the zipper for the guy's monkey suit.
The one bright spot of this movie, humor-wise, seems to be the hilarious savages who inhabit Monkey Island. I laughed my ass off at these coconut heads. Ooga booga, indeed!
Sure, I'll probably break down and RENT this movie sometime next year, because I've never been one to keep up my promises or follow-through on my convictions but I'm only going to see it because I'm sure that Tenacious D must do a song in it, at some point cuz I saw that their lead singer is in this. I'd just love to see those guys do a nifty, swingin' jazz number with flappers and men in fur coats proclaiming "23 skidoo!" as they fall to their deaths on the Chrysler Building.
And speaking of "Rent", that movie looks great! I saw a preview of that too where some puppets sing a song about AIDS and it looked pretty good, you could barely see the strings.
I believe the correct line is The Cronic -(WHAT) cles of Narnia.
agree
Have seen Kong
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Post #: 4
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Posted: 1/4/2006 9:23:03 AM
Agree....you suck dude. Pick on Broke back mountain or something.
BA II
wow
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Post #: 5
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Posted: 1/4/2006 9:50:09 AM
You are so incredibly not funny.
Jack Donnely
Come On
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Post #: 6
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Posted: 1/4/2006 10:08:33 AM
I think you can do much better than this. I wish the monkey lived at the end too though.
t. leach
This is hilarious, people!
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Post #: 7
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Posted: 1/4/2006 11:16:55 AM
That you'd take your anger out on a man who's just had heart surgery is quite telling of you. Oh, and tell Hollywood to remake this, motherfuckers.
dude
zzzzzzzz
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Post #: 8
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Posted: 1/4/2006 11:19:00 AM
Sam is right. The correct line is The Chronic (what?) cles of Narnia. If you'd been able to pull that off properly, I could have given you some credit, but you fucked that up so this entire article was a waste.
Fag Flaphammer
Kong and Agree's Boyfriend
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Post #: 9
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Posted: 1/4/2006 11:42:03 AM
Mr. Filipkowski, I must apologize for the comments made by my orgie buddies and myself. They were thoughtless. We were too blinded by the donkey semen and child's blood to properly critique your review. Again, I apologize. If it makes you feel and better, we all have AIDS.
Jesse Jackson
Racism
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Post #: 10
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Posted: 1/4/2006 11:51:22 AM
Mr Filipkowski, I am saddened and disrespected to see my name associated with that of a movie about a 30 ton gorilla. Wht exactly are you trying to say? You are a racist and I will do everything I can to make sure you are never published in this web-zine again. Sincerely, Rev. Jesse Jackson
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