This isn't the kind of thing you could just fake. Unless you had five seconds and MS Paint.

For all those people out there who said I'm an idiot and I'll never amount to anything, I say: SUCK ON THIS!

Maybe I didn't go to "college" and maybe I'm not all smart and junk, but I have accomplished something that hasn't been accomplished in thousands of years.

Behold, the majesty of "Skizzleplex"!!!

That's right: "Skizzleplex".

It comes between Friday and Sunday and it's the best day ever and it never existed before until I invented it.

How the hell did I do this, you ask? Well, it's simple:

I'll be like these guys put together but not in a gay or mixed-race way.

I took seven hours out of Sunday and added three hours to Friday and then I invented Skizzleplex. Trust me, if you do the math, you'll see it all adds up.

Don't you ever feel like "oh, it's Friday, hooray!" and then all of a sudden you're like "oh shit, it's Sunday!" and you wonder, "what the fuck happened?" Unbeknownst to anyone but me, that feeling happens because there has been a secret day occupying that space and that day is Skizzleplex.

It all makes sense now, huh?

Sure, this is going to cause lots of problems. There used to be a certain number of days, I'm not sure how many (ten?), but now there's one more. Calendars will be fucked up, people will get slightly older or younger and the moon will probably spin off of Earth's orbit and fly away into space.

I really feel like things are going to change. Not just for me, either. I'm probably gonna get a Nobel Prize or a lot of money or something, but I also think the world as a whole will be a much better place as well.

If I get elected President of the World, I probably won't have much time for writing, so I won't be posting as much from now on.

But I promise to stay grounded by taking a few minutes out of every Skizzleplex to give you, my loyal subjects, a quick heads up about all the private jets I've been flying in and all the supermodels I'm banging and how many mansions I have.