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by: ERIC FILIPKOWSKI
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ALBANY, NY- (AP) Even before hitting shelves, Abramowitz Fertilizer and Commercial-Grade Lye, Inc.’s new ‘Black People Brand Hot Sauce’ is garnering controversy across the country.

Touted as “the first African American-style hot sauce aimed specifically at the Caucasian market”, many racial equality advocates are bemoaning the new product as a throwback to old-fashioned racism in advertising.

“This is a hot sauce truly fit to be served in a Sambo’s Restaurant,” proclaimed African American activist Lionel Moorehouse, “It’s outrageous that Americans of any color should be subjected to this kind of bigotry, as we find ourselves, sitting not in the darkness of the 1950’s, but rather, standing tall in the light of equality, here in the 21st century!”

Abramowitz Fertilizer and Commercial-Grade Lye, Inc. chairman and CEO, Gabriel Abramowitz, fails to see the dilemma, stating that: “For years, there has been much confusion in the hot sauce industry amongst Caucasian consumers. White people love authentic hot sauce like they get in black rib joints and chicken shacks, but when it comes time to purchase some at the market, they find themselves dumbfounded by the many, varied choices. Rather than wade through hundreds of ethnic-sounding options, we’ve taken the guesswork out of purchasing hot sauce. You want the kind black people use? Then just buy ‘Black People Brand Hot Sauce’, it’s really that simple.”

White shoppers, polled in a local Safeway Grocery Store seemed to share Abramowitz’s sentiment, praising the product’s straight-forward labeling. Said Todd Stevenson, “I simply adore down-home Southern delicacies like baby back ribs, barbecued brisket and cornbread. And nothing goes better with those dishes than the kind of flavor you get from real, authentic African-American hot sauce. It’s like 400 years of oppression in a bottle. But I can’t exactly walk in here and say, ‘hey, give me the stuff they sell down at Roscoe’s, you know, the kind in the red squeezy thing. I mean, look at this: you’ve got Cholula and Red Hot and this Asian crap, I don’t even know what the hell that is.”

Others chose to criticize the lack of authentic Southern flavor found in the so-called ‘Black People Brand Hot Sauce’, calling it bland and tasteless. An informal survey of several African-American employees of this news office found an almost universal inability to distinguish the sauce from regular, garden variety ketchup.

“That’s hot sauce?” asked a skeptical Renee Williams, echoing a sentiment voiced by many, “tastes like ketchup to me.” Ms. Williams then began to laugh openly as her white co-worker, tasting the sauce for himself, began to choke and gag, his face turning red while he pleaded for water.

Coming as somewhat of a surprise, joining the chorus of protests was the voice of Grand Wizard of the Ku Klux Klan, Brian Kellison. “Look, we talk openly about our hopes of a race war, but when you see Jews actually exploiting the black man like this, it’s hard to take, even for me.”

Asked to elaborate, Kellison would say only, “Yeah, I hate blacks, who doesn’t? But co-opting their culture to make money for your Zionist enterprises? And hot sauce? That’s just straight-up ignorant.”

As of the time of publication, there were no immediate plans by the Abramowitz Corporation to halt production or alter their marketing strategy in any way.

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COMMENTS  1-10 out of 13 Post Comment Message Board View
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Dave B Funny () Post #: 1
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Posted: 5/22/2006 11:07:23 AM
This was my favorite of the day, I laughed just reading the title.

There was a white comedian on ComicView who did something similar about black people and the way they use spices/sugar in food and how it blows white people away.
deuce best of the day () Post #: 2
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Posted: 5/22/2006 11:15:46 AM
“Look, we talk openly about our hopes of a race war, but when you see Jews actually exploiting the black man like this, it’s hard to take, even for me.”

awesome.
Patrick M make that 3 votes () Post #: 3
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Posted: 5/22/2006 11:27:29 AM
for Best of the Day. That was funny.
Christine Ha! () Post #: 4
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Posted: 5/22/2006 12:44:46 PM
Eric you crack me up!
That Guy Bag O Dicks () Post #: 5
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Posted: 5/22/2006 12:46:15 PM
Yeah, this is the best one today.

Of course, Des Moines is the best city in Iowa, too.
Joe Kickass Yep () Post #: 6
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Posted: 5/22/2006 1:47:59 PM
Definitely best of the day. I also love anything that gives due propers to Roscoe's Chicken & Waffles. Holy shit that place is fucking good.

I have a friend who buys Stubb's BBQ sauce because there's an old, grissled black guy on the label. Truly the best BBQ sauce though, is Everett & Jones. I think they're based out of Oakland - you can only get it in the Bay Area. For hot sauce, I keep no less than four varying bottles at any time. 1 hot wing sauce. 1 Mexican hot sauce. 1 Asian hot sauce. 1 all purpose.
Provo Hate to be a follower.... () Post #: 7
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Posted: 5/22/2006 2:19:04 PM
BUT THIS IS THE BEST OF THE DAY!!!

Good work...cracked me the fuck up....esp. with the Grand Wizard chiming in...very unexpected for him to take a stance on this topic...albeit, it does give the proper weight this article deserves....

My availabe varying in-home hot sauces, in no particular order 1. Arriba (smoked chipotle) 2. (Chipotle and Regular) Tabasco 3. Cholula 4. The hot sauce from the lebanese restaurant down the road 5. Random degrees of hot sauce packets from Taco Bell and 6. Asian Hot sauce (Sriricha or something)

-if you like hot sauce, I highly recommend all of the above
Max the hot sauce hierarchy () Post #: 8
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Posted: 5/22/2006 3:52:39 PM
1. The orange habanero stuff at Ocean taqueria -- hoooly shit
2. Cholula
3. Tapatio
4. Sriracha "Red Rooster"
5. Tabasco
Napalm Jones Yep () Post #: 9
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Posted: 5/22/2006 3:53:54 PM
That was very much an equal opportunity racism article. I loved it too.

Semper Fi
dsiz 400 years of oppression in a bottle () Post #: 10
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Posted: 5/22/2006 5:22:47 PM
400 years of oppression in a bottle

hilarious
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