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Bonjour, America! We just wanted to let you know that all of us over here in Paris hear you crying about your gas prices like a bunch of Michael Jackson listening-fatty pants-cowboys who still need their mommies - and we're tired of it.
"Eww, how will I fill my Hummer and go to Pottery Barn now? I am a slave to the oil industry, Mr. President DO SOMETHING."
At $2.67 a gallon - you should be so lucky! If we could get petroleum at that price we would be fucking in the streets. We would shower, celebrate holidays and buy back our children from human trafficking.
Did you know that the rest of us are rolling into work on fumes at about $7 a gallon! And we're not driving your gas-guzzling oversized SUVs either - no, we're commuting in car seats surrounded by a plastic bubble. Have you ever tried to sip coffee with a knee in your goddamn ear? Not easy.
And what is this with going after the CEOs of the oil companies for making too much money? How do you that? Had we known we could hunt our oil tycoons down like witches, turn them upside down and shake the money from their pockets, we would have...well, not us...but the Brits would have done that years ago. This "Windfall Tax" of yours is quite intriguing... so you tax companies whose profits exceed expectations? That's like hitting up David Hasselhoff for five Euros after he sold more than one of his albums. Very clever America, very clever.
We have a solution for you all and its called "deal with it". Seriously, at $2.67 a gallon you really don't have much room to complain. But if it's really hurting you, then we recommend selling those thirsty tanks for Vespas, so we dont have to be the only ones who look like queers about town.
While talking about alternative sources for fuel and dreaming of solar-powered jet packs is fun, don't expect us to pay for such research. We cant afford toothpaste, let alone a hybrid car that runs off corn. How about we invest in alternative sources for making the French rich? How about that? You know, we thought we had you with our expensive wines, but then you had to open up Trader Joe's and fuck us once again. God-damn you for your Trader Joe's and your California wines! And God-damn you for bitching about gas prices when I'm over here giving handjobs to a complete strangers for a ride home.
your actual stance is Mitch, but it was a good article.
I've bitched about this before....I mean, for almost as long as I can remember a gallon of gas (a depleting resource) has cost LESS than a gallon of milk (totally renewable) thanks to gov't subsidies....I have no prob with that..hell, I enjoyed gas being so cheap...but I honestly think we can only bitch about the 'relative' change...not the fact that gas 'costs' so much....I don't know....I'm usu wrong...
Plus, I hate the French.....no reason, it just feels right....
(That, obviously, in no way pertains to Victor French....who I will be voting for...)
Felipe_Thunderstick
Bravo!
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Posted: 5/4/2006 12:42:49 PM
Although I'm no fan of frogs, this friggin' white flag waver gets it. Instead of pissing and moaning, try Googling "supply and demand". It's really a fascinating subject. If you don't quite understand it, then just shut the hell up. And dearest members of Congress...grow some balls and actually address the problem, which is not lining up "Big Oil" execs so you can read them the riot act on C-Span. Not every voter is an absolute moron, just 77% of them.
Johnny America
IT is our GOD GIVEN RIGHT...
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Posted: 5/4/2006 1:05:51 PM
This frog can leap back on the lilly pad of sissiness where he came from. American's have the right to drink gas and be proud of it. We love our SUVS and CSIs.
Land of the free and home of the brave.
Patrick Skertich
Delaplane and Simple
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Posted: 5/4/2006 1:12:44 PM
Don't know who this Mitch guy is, (is Mitch really a French name?), but he hit it right on the head, what a fucking genius! Down with Chirac, Up with Dean Delaplane!
JONAH
nice take
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Posted: 5/4/2006 4:03:09 PM
good job mitchy mitch.
Max
$2.67 ?!?!?
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Posted: 5/4/2006 4:07:05 PM
Out here in California, today I paid over $3.60 (premium, granted).
art
amen
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Posted: 5/4/2006 4:27:39 PM
thank god someone out there is sober enough not to blame the big bad oil industry. this article is hilarious!!! down with govt! lol
Guido
Suberb article !
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Posted: 5/4/2006 5:10:55 PM
Mark me down as yet another "have-no-use-for-frogs-but-marvelled-at-this-articles-logic" type ! Three cheers for Mitch !
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