We're number 1

Game over baby, we’re #1. Let’s fuckin’ celebrate. Where’s the Natty Light, dude? It’s gone? Fuck, we had 27 cases before the game started. I only drank 34 cans, who drank the rest of it? Where the hell did all these people come from? Fuck it let’s celebrate. Grab the Old Granddad whiskey. Everybody come out front, we won baby!

Dude, grab all of the mattresses from inside. I don’t care that Jenny’s passed out on yours, shove her onto the floor; she’s slept in her own puke before. Those morons next door think that shooting off fireworks is celebrating, ha! Hey Ricky, get my .38.

Whoa those Natty’s are cooking up a chocolate thunderstorm in my belly; I better settle that with some bourbon or a fuckin’ burrito. Hell yeah. Hey, Mindy, I got a mad hankering for some T-Bell. Take the Dakota, and grab some Marlboro Lights and 151, I’m thirsty.

Hey Donnie, you’ve got to turn the mattress to get it out the door you fuck-stain. Just throw it out the window, we got insurance. Hurry up though, everybody else is celebrating harder than we are. Hey, dudes, let’s turn over that Honda.

Lift with your legs Johnny. This isn’t rocket science, you wimp. Damn economics major can’t lift a damn import. What if we had to topple a domestic ,you pussy? Yeah, that’s right give up, I’d leave too. Hey, pick up the slack bros; we’re down one man.

Hell yeah, who loves our team now bitches? Fuck your bottle rockets. Matt, get a hose. Let’s siphon the gas out of this and light a fire down the middle of the street. Flame on to victory baby! Tori, bring the stereo out here. I want to here some “Final Countdown”.

And grab the football from inside. We’ll light it on fire and throw it through somebody’s window. Grab some of your books too. I’m pretty sure that paper burns. We’re #1 baby!

Fuck you Whitesnake

Stack the mattresses so the flames go higher, Donnie. Oh shit, my stomach’s kicking. Hey, what if I take a shit on the top of the mattress pile while you guys light it on fire? Hell yeah, we’re gonna bake some mattress brownies.

How many mattresses did we have? I’m pretty high up here man. I can see Matt passed out by the flipped over Honda. That fucking d-bag must have drank some of the gasoline. Donnie, spray some of that gas over here so we can light this bitch. I'm droppin’ trou’ now baby! Hey Tori, hurry up with the damn music. Those turds across the street are playing Whitesnake.

We’re gonna burn some shit tonight, man. Light it up Donnie, I’m serving up a splatter platter. Oh shit! That lit fast dude. Hey Donnie, roll around in the grass! Holy crap, my ass hasn’t burned this bad since that Buffalo Chicken Sandwich from the cafeteria. Fuck yeah, we’re #1, we’re #1!

Ricky, fire some shots in the air and let everyone know we’re partying tonight. Hey where are you johnnycake’s going? The party just started. Ricky, the Honda’s on fire! Fucking shoot it man! Whooo hoooo! We lit the whole street on fire. Have a shot of whiskey. We’re number one.

I’ve got to get off this shit pile man; it’s too damn hot.

I thought you guys were cool

Well how convenient, the cops are coming. Somebody probably called a noise complaint on those Whitesnake fucks. What the shit? They’re coming here? It’s no biggy. These dudes went to school here too, and they just want to party. What’s up officer?

Whoa, fuck! Did you have to throw me on the ground? Look dude I had pants on, but they caught on fire when I was taking a dump on those flaming mattresses. I know my rights man, I’m pre-law. Don’t throw me in that car unless you want expired Natty Light all over it. Fucking A, Mindy’s back with burritos.

Hey Mindy, meet me at the jail, and bring the cigarettes and T-Bell.