I date other men. It wasnt always supposed to be this way. My ambition at 22 was to live in Manhattan for a few years, then head out to LA, produce movies, live in a house on stilts, snort only the finest yayo, and nail every vaginally-advantaged person I could along the way. I still believe that plan had some really strong points.
Instead, I got married and moved to DC. With no friends from high school or college in DC, I had to go through the fun experience of making new friends, either with the husbands of all of my wife's friends, or with people at work. This is basically the same as dating. You try and find people who have similar interests. Then you see if you have chemistry. Then, you decide if you want to spend more time together. And then, of course, you have hot buttsex.
Everything has been reversed. The same flirting and chasing I used to do with chicks I now do with guys. And I can't even begin to tell you how gay that is. Gayer that the gayest gay that has ever gayed. Regardless, Ive netted a decent friend or two out of this process, but there are rules you need to follow when youre dating your fellow man, and here they are:
How To Ask Another Man Out This can be done by email or over the phone and should consist of only five words: Hey, wanna grab some beers? Any longer than that, and youre a flaming queer. And, for Gods sake, dont ask him to dinner. Fucking the guy would be less awkward.
Dress Code Shirt. Sneakers. Jeans. Old baseball cap of a legitimate college/NFL/MLB/NBA sports team. Any more formal than that and you may as well bring your assless chaps.
Never Date A Guy Who Isnt Into Sports You wouldnt believe the number of men Ive met down here who have barely any interest in sports. Theyd rather talk about things like the war, or the stock market, or why Drew likes to put his hand on his sack and then smell it. I can talk to my wife about shit like that. Thats what shes there for. I need another guy to discuss important shit, like Vikings glaring need for wideout depth, or why Stuart Scott needs to be humanely destroyed. My wife is beyond worthless for this. The point of making friends is so you can talk about shit with them that you cant with the wife. So make sure the guy youre into likes sports. And hot fucking.
Make Sure Hes The Reliable Sort You have a wife and/or a kid. Getting free time to use for the express purpose of drinking is hard to come by. You gotta find a potential friend who is ready to drink when you are. Theres no point in making friends with someone if you have to actually make an effort with them. Thats what women do with each other, and it sucks.
Make Sure He Drinks Drinking is awesome and promotes dick jokes. If the guy youre going out with doesnt drink, you may as well befriend a fucking tree.
Mention The Fact That You Have Other Friends That You Did Lots of Awesome Shit With No one wants to be friends with a loser. Make sure you tell at least one story about the time you pissed somewhere you werent supposed to piss or beat a vagrant to death at Mardi Gras.
Rules About Calling If you and the guy have a good time, call him again two weeks later. Any sooner and youll look desperate. If he doesn't like you, he wont call back. Move on. Find a new man-crush. And if you dont like the guy, never call him back. You dont want to be stuck with a friend you dont actually like. Again, thats what women do with each other, and it sucks.
Bring Astroglide, a Stick of Butter, and a Pair of Flippers Hey, you never know.
shemales porn Posted: 11/1/2006by: shemales porn Nice site. Thanks: shemales pics high school friends? Posted: 10/26/2006by: Ted whats wrong with hangin out with high school friends? if theyre good guys and you have fun, its all good. anyone whos so eager to hate on high school friends and dismiss as losers anyone who keeps in touch with them were losers in high school who are bitter that the lacrosse team shoved a parking cone up their ass every week.
cheers this is a great article and all you insecure fuckers Posted: 10/18/2006by: PC This article is so fucking on the case. Seriously. In your twenties, you hang out with your college friends--or your high school friends if you are a loser and those were the best days of your life.
After that, it gets tricky.
And if you're secure in your masculinity--by which I mean, you regularly fuck a woman, whether your wife or your girlfriend--then you start shopping for some guys you want to hang out with. And it is waaaaaaay harder than finding some chick to grope in the back of the bar. Seriously. Damn right Posted: 10/18/2006by: Mike Especially about having a buddy who is ready to drink when you are. Does not matter if it is 5:00 PM, 3:00 PM or whenever. Worse thing in the world is to have to work at having a drinking buddy. No gay action here, just "good ole boy fun", with whom you can talk shit about anything. At 55, I know!! lol Posted: 10/17/2006by: sniggs know how I know you're gay? Good article. Posted: 10/8/2006by: Al Please, these are the type of gay undertones only a man supremely confident in his sexual orientation would allow himself to say in such a public forum. I thought the article was pretty damn accurate because I've been there, and finding a good guy to get fucked up with isn't easy. Moral of the story, this article was far from gayer than AIDs. Matt U are a FAG Posted: 10/4/2006by: Darnell Please re-read what u said. U could be the gayest straight guy I have heard of. the whole "Me and my neighbor get those feelings...." great article Posted: 10/4/2006by: deuce missed it yesterday..
the homosexual *undertones* in the article are just the type of "fuck you in the ass" subtlety that can only be appreciated by this audience (read: shortbus) Matt Posted: 10/4/2006by: That Guy No, it wasn't cool at 20, either.
P.S. You realize, don't you, that your wife is also (at least implicitly) questioning *your* sexual orientation, right? Good Lord Posted: 10/4/2006by: Drew E That was a great article. However, I thought you were a homo from your how to kill a bug piece. This did not boost your rating any! Do you pitch or catch?
