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During last week's Miss Teen America pagent Lauren Caitlin Upton, Miss Teen South Carolina, unwittingly became an internet sensation when she stumbled through her answer to a question about American's lack of knowledge about geography. If you haven't seen the video, check it out below. It'll make your day.
It got me wondering how would Lauren fare with other questions? Was this just a freak accident on the part of her brain cells or is she honestly that fucking stupid? Well wonder no more world, for I have found a long hidden file that contains some other Q&A's from her past pageant appearances.
How would you approach the growing epidemic of childhood obesity?
I personally believe that I would approach it from the left. And I would most likely approach it carefully such as not to startle it. Because I feel that Australian Obeses can be quite dangerous to our hopes and dreams. I firmly believe that reading to Obeses could be helpful and such as the United States should expand the Obesity reading programs.
In one word, tell us how you feel about the situation in Iraq.
I believe that the Iraq is dangerous and such as it should be cared for gently. Many Iraq Iraqians feel that the U.S. is a big country and therefore we as Americans should do our best to shrink our nation to a reasonable size such as not to frighten the gentle Iraqis.
It's your birthday, and no one brought you any presents, how do you feel?
It's my birthday? I had no idea. I usually write these things down on my tiara but I personally feel that I forgot to do that. I am ok that no one is present. Such as I forgot to send invitations because I forgot it was my birthday.
In a recent poll, 25% of South Asians couldn't find their car keys. Why do you think this is?
Cars release a lot of toxicity into our atmosphere and such as the Asians most likely inhaled said fumes and became confused. I am unsure as to why they did so in a pole. Since a flat surface such as a table is much easier to forget things on. As such, I feel that the Iraqis are responsible for their own future.
If you were a vegetarian and the only thing left on earth to eat was meat, would you eat it or starve to death?
I don't personally believe that anyone's religious beliefs should be based on fish. My grandfather was a farmer and we saw animals slaughtered 24 hours a day. Ok, he wasn't really a farmer but he did take us to KFC and there's no doubt in my mind that those chickens were killed.
With so much of the world living in poverty, why do think rich people don't help out the poor more?
I sincerely feel that living in pottery would be cramped and unhealthy and I believe that the U.S. American's should do more to make sure that pottery is built with more spacious rooms and better educational environments so that rich people like my family would be able to fit into the pottery to deliver much needed supplies.
If Santa Claus was real, what would you ask him for come Christmas time?
I think that Satan is a very bad influence on today's children and I would ask him to please stop sending messages to my dreams such as last night. The gifts he gives to people such as Ryan Seacrest and South Asians make me think he is in fact real and should not be allowed to celebrate Christmas or any other Muslim holiday.
Why do think more people don't donate blood?
I believe that people enjoy living and that if there were another way to donate blood instead of after dying that more people would do it. Life is a precious thing to most South West New Guineas and they hold their blood in their hearts. I think that if more hospitals would stop using blood it would make it more available to countries such as Texas and Jupiter.
If you were a lesbian, how would you respond to a man asking you on a date?
I personally feel that those involved in the dramatic arts should not be held captive by masculinity. They probably spent a lot of time in college or doing collages and any animal that asks them for the date should instead buy them a calendar. Such as not wanting to upset the thespian, the chicken should instead draw a map for the actress to read and then point out where America is so that more Vietnamese children could be saved.
How do you feel about same sex marriage?
Unfortunately, I personally believe that most married couples have the same sex too often. I hold hope in my heart that they would change things up every now and then in order to avoid leg cramps and other communicable diseases. The rising cost of healthcare most likely does not help these couples, especially when they are getting ready to leave for the Peace Corps.
Posts: 452 Rank: 26 Joined:
4/23/2007
Location:
Jackson, MI
Posted: 8/30/2007 11:36:19 AM
I would put her brain in the black market if I were you. Hardly used brains like hers go for big bucks in the market. It probably still has that new-brain-smell along with the low milage.
Posts: 256 Rank: 29 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
East Lansing, MI
Posted: 8/30/2007 11:41:38 AM
Since I can say without a doubt that this girl is in my general age range, and I've found that the best way to deal with their airheadedness is to fuck with them; case in point, I managed to kill 2 hours describing fake merit badges to a girl who had the I.Q. of a cement brick, such as build-a-bear badge, counter-terrorism badge, and advanced lovemaking skills. It didn't get me anywhere, but it was amusing none the less.
Posts: 234 Rank: 28 Joined:
5/31/2007
Location:
Gilbert, AZ
Posted: 8/30/2007 12:00:13 PM
Christine - you better hope someone from PETA doesn't goggle "horse punched in the face". They could hunt down Jaws and pressure the Philly DA to seek a death penalty.
Stiggs - merit badges? For what, Boy Scouts or something? Maybe...just maybe she was thinking, "Who the fuck is this toolbox and why is he talking about merit badges and does he think I'm going to fuck him? I'm going to act stupid and see how long he goes."
The fact you didn't get any play after two hours seems to suggest this is a good possibility.
Posts: 120 Rank: 14 Joined:
5/11/2007
Location:
St. Louis, MO
Posted: 8/30/2007 12:58:31 PM
Tang and Balls get more slit on their tips than you could handle! Their smooth talking and fly moves have got them so much wool they could knit a sweater. These guys know women. In fact, most gashes are just aching to spread their gamy meat curtains around these studs' bitch sticks after just a few words. They pity us, and rightly so.
Posts: 2748 Rank: 1 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
Philadelphia, PA
Posted: 8/30/2007 1:01:24 PM
He's been in jail quite a bit and now he's on drugs pretty bad. He once told his girlfriend to stand in a square piece of sidewalk and not move for 4 hours and she listened (it was rumored that he hit her. they are no longer together). He also took the label off his beer bottle and stuck it to the ground. the first person to step on the label as they walked by got punched in the face. and he really punched them in the face. and no one would do anything except say, "dude, you're an asshole". he was nuts.
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