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by: MIKE POLK
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Oh man. How did I talk myself into this? This was not a good idea.

What am I supposed to be doing right now? Should I be doing something? She looks pretty occupied currently. She’s already handling three dudes. I guess I’ll just stand here and stroke it some more. Keep your head together Mike. Your time will come. Man this gangbang is awkward!

This seemed like it would be awesome. It always looked so cool in the videos. But all this waiting and watching is really uncomfortable.

I figured I’d just sort of fall into a natural rhythm and find my groove, but I’ve gotta admit that I am really perplexed as to the proper gangbang protocol here.

Whoa. She just looked at me. Does that mean she wants me to come up there so she can suck me off? Maybe that’s what she's indicating. But what if she didn’t mean that? What if I go up there and shove my junk in her face and she doesn’t want anything to do with it? I’d look like a real horse’s ass then. I’d better just wait here.

Man this guy’s taking a long time. Come on dude, who are you trying to impress here? There are other guys waiting.

Look at that guy’s penis! It’s way bigger then mine. Thicker at least. I hope I don’t have to follow him. She won’t even know I’m in there.

Oh man, he caught me staring at it. Well that’s just great. Now he’s gonna think I’m queer. I’m not queer man. I’m just a little self conscious. God this is awkward.

It’s too hot in here.

These guys are all saying sexy things to her. I’m the only one who’s not talking dirty. I should say something so that they don’t think I’m lame. Here goes....

“Yeah, you like that bitch!”

Shit. That was stupid. Now everyone’s looking at me like I’m some misogynistic asshole.

I am an asshole. Why did I have to say the most cliché, demeaning thing I could think of? Like I need to remind her that she “likes that”. Smooth move dumbass.

I wonder why she’s doing this. I’ll bet she had a bad childhood. She probably lacked a strong paternal figure in her life.

Damn it. Now I’m half mast. Now I look like the guy that can’t keep it up. Concentrate Mike. Stop psychoanalyzing and keep your mind on the sex.

Okay here we go, that guy’s done. About time. Should I go now? I’ve waited long enough, I’m going in there.

Damn it. The Italian guy beat me to it. I was here way before the Italian guy. How are we determining who’s turn it is here anyways? Was there some sign up sheet I missed or something? Damn it.

Steady Mike old boy. There’s plenty for everyone. Just wait it out. Deep breaths.

I hope no one tries to go anal when I’m taking my turn. I’m not real cool with my stuff touching another guy’s stuff. And I think that would be unavoidable. That would be really awkward.

Something in here stinks. Is that me? I hope it’s not me. Oh man, I hope it’s not her! Wait, no, it’s the Italian guy. Thank God.

Okay, time to make your move Mike. I’ve gotta get in there and mix it up. Other wise I’m that creep at the gangbang who’s just watching and beating off. You’ve gotta be in it to win it. Okay here goes.

Wait, what’s going on? Everyone’s finishing off on her! We’re climaxing already? We just got started! I haven’t even gone yet!

Okay stay calm Mike. No one knows that. Just finish yourself off so that you’re not the odd man out.

Well this was great. This was just great. A red letter day in my sad sexual history. And what am I supposed to do now? Do we all hang around for a while and talk about it? Where should I clean up?

God this is awkward.
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COMMENTS  41-50 out of 53 Post Comment Message Board View
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Vato More Onion Please! () Post #: 41
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Posted: 11/23/2005 5:39:52 AM
Another great classic from The Onion! I love this one.

Do you have one about: The Gays Staring at You & all your doing is Wearing Buttless Chaps? You should post that one, it'll go over well.
bong hits [No Title] () Post #: 42
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Posted: 11/26/2005 3:31:00 PM
that was funny i always wanted to add a gang bang on my sex to do list. you should just go with your first instinks and put that shit in her mouth that would have cleard any uncertintys.
Chuck Funny () Post #: 43
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Posted: 12/13/2005 5:38:42 PM
Now thats some funny stuff right there.
Dylan Barmmer Dunkleo is gay () Post #: 44
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Posted: 1/20/2006 12:05:13 PM
Dunkleo is either incredibly ironic or the biggest fucking homo I've ever seen in my life.
Cory Funny () Post #: 45
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Posted: 1/31/2006 1:35:59 PM
Yo man thats some funny shit man... keep it up

Leon Mr. () Post #: 46
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Posted: 2/8/2006 9:28:30 AM
The last team sport.
paisley first () Post #: 47
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Posted: 7/17/2006 5:42:00 PM
that's why you go first..
Gaboo ONLINE INFO ABOUT THE PENIS () Post #: 48
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Posted: 9/25/2006 6:22:36 PM
Don't be angry about the penis, it very like your site! I make a tests and put my penis in your links, or something
Heather Um () Post #: 49
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Posted: 9/29/2006 11:22:07 PM
That whole picture is creepy but the guy holding the video camera playing back the gangback footage is simply disturbing. The fact that he can't manage to sit tight for 2 minutes and wait until they're done taking pictures is simply disturbing.
pubikreligion protocol () Post #: 50
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Rank: 235
Joined:  12/12/2006
Location:  Yukon, OK
Posted: 12/12/2006 4:51:26 PM
There is gangbang protocol, first the men form a line ranging from smallest to biggest peckers. Then from there they are arranged from do-able to NOT do-able, but youll still let them watch everyone else bust a nut. Chances are if you look like anyone in the picture you ARE the awkward guys who didnt get to bone, but got to take pictures after it was over to show off to your buddies at home.
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