Like the Bender household on Christmas, 2005 was a banner-fucking year for the American League Central. For the first time since the three-division format was introduced, a Central team won the World Series. Two teams in the division won 90-plus games, and the Central was the only division in the American League that featured three teams with plus-.500 records. Of the five AL teams with team ERA below 4.00, three- the White Sox, Indians, and Twins- were Central outfits, and the Tribe and Pale Hose finished 1-2 in the league in team ERA. Thanks to Clevelands final-week collapse, the Central was unable to break the Easts stranglehold on the ALs Wild-Card spot, but still, after almost a decade as the Junior Circuits version of Big Lots, the Central had moved up in the world. With Chicago adding Jim Thome and Javier Vasquez, with Cleveland bringing back some of the best young talent in the game, and with Minnesota still boasting maybe the leagues best starter in Johan Santana, this division looks loaded for bear again in 2006.
With all that having been said, its time for a little Q without the A, AL Central-style. I may or may not do equivalent articles for the rest of the American League. I definitely wont be doing any for the National League because, as Ive stated before, I know about as much about the NL as I do about fat ducats, women, and, well, a lot of other shit. Its bad enough that I wrote an NCAA Tournament Preview. Im not overly eager to showcase my ignorance any further than I already have. And our comrade and ardent Cardinals fan Alex Fritz excepted, Phat Phree Sports is unapologetically biased toward the AL. Hey, at least I admit it.
On to the Central, from top to bottom:
Chicago White Sox
Last Season: Won the World Series for the first time since 1917, throwing Cubs fans into a hell theyd previously only dared to imagine.
The Question: Will Ozzie Guillens act wear thin on the South Side?
Despite winning the World Series last year, and absolutely dominating the postseason as a whole, the White Sox do have some question marks. Will Jim Thomes back hold up? Will Brian Anderson replace Aaron Rowands defense and toughness in center? Will Bobby Jenks prove hes for real over a full season? Ill leave those queries for the professionals, because its a lot more fun to talk about the combustible personalities at the rudder of the Good Ship White Sox- G.M. Kenny Williams and manager Ozzie Guillen. Both have unloaded verbal blasts that have considerably livened up the spring. Guillen of course tore into Alex Rodriguez, as well as his own bullpen, remarking in his usual understated manner, Right now they all stink. And K.W., in what is in my humble opinion the number-one sound byte of spring training, absolutely went the fuck off on former Chicago icon Frank Thomas, informing him, among other things, that hed better stay out of our business. Hed better stay out of White Sox business.
Now, just an observer speaking, but I dont think well be hearing any more from Kenny Williams, at least not in this vein. He said what he wanted to say. Ill bet hed been saving up that little broadside on Frankie T. for a loooong time. And when he got the opportunity- or should I say, when Frankie T. gave him the opportunity by criticizing Jerry Reinsdorfs handling of his release- K.W. went for it like Larry Csonka on a draw play. And that was it. I think hell be nice and PC from here on out, sated, the bile out of his system.
Guillen, on the other hand, doesnt have that option. He doesnt want it, either. As a manager, well he won the World Series, on the South Side of Chicago, and thats something 33 previous White Sox managers had not been able to do. He also managed wide, looping circles around Eric Wedge all season, for what its worth. So yeah, the man knows what hes doing. But Ozzies managerial acumen isnt the issue. His personality is. And what was cute and quirky when the White Sox were sailing to the title might be just the opposite if Chicago gets off to a slow start- particularly his habit of ripping individual players in the press whenever he feels the need to do so, which is often. Dont rule out Ozzie going Hitler-in-the-bunker if the White Sox struggle early, and if he does, he could take his entire team down with him (hope, hope, hope).
Cleveland Indians
Last Season: Won the Pythagorean American League regular-season won-loss championship, which is of like that thing they give you the trophy for in the NHL, except even more meaningless (if thats possible).
The Question: Will the Indians gag like they did in 2004 and 2005? And if so, when? In 2004, it was August- August 15, to be exact, when they were within a game of Minny, lost to the Twins in extra innings, and crashed. In 05, it was September 26, when the Man Named Grady lost the fly ball in the sun and the season slipped away subsequently.
Like the White Sox, the Indians have some tangible issues going into this season. Can they replace Coco Crisps offensive consistency and zeal for the game? Is Fat-Bottomed Bob Wickman capable of repeating his high-wire act? Can anyone fill the void for departed AL ERA leader Kevin Millwood? Will Casey Blake hit better than .059 with RISP and two outs? Will people around here stop thinking about the Browns for two freaking seconds and get out to the Jake to see this kick-ass young team?
Really, its not a question of talent with the Indians, because the Tribe is busting at the seams with it. From Pronk Hafner to Victor Martinez to Jhonny Peralta to The Man Named Grady, from C.C. Sabathia to Cliff Lee, Cleveland is loaded with young studs. Top to bottom, theyve got more raw talent than anyone in the Central, and that includes the White Sox. But this core group has developed a nasty habit of going tits-up at inopportune times. They were in the drivers seat for at least a Wild Card going into the last week of the season, and lost it all with a 1-6 finish, going 7-for-56 with runners in scoring position and losing five one-run games in the process. Losing one-run games was a problem for the Tribe all season in 05; they lost 36 of them, the most in the majors since 1971. Its a symptom of bad play in the clutch, and it will have to improve in order for this team to take the next step.
Minnesota Twins
Last Season: Blah. The odds-on fave to win the division for the fourth straight year (I thought they were going to win it all- stupid me), the free-spending Twins instead won just 83 games. They couldnt score, were out of it early, the White Sox, their dirty little slut three years running, got Born-Again Hard, Justin Morneau sucked and got into a slap-boxing match with Torii Hunter in the dugout it was just a shitty year for them.
The Question: Will Minnesota hit? At all? The Twins were dead-ass last in the American League in runs scored last season.
Sure, you can count on Johan Santana dealing with the best of em, and the rest of Minnesotas pitching staff is restaurant-quality as well. But pitching alone wont get it done in a division that is awash in top-notch hurlers, especially in the starting rotations. The Twins will have to improve on their 1968-time warp offense, and I wonder if thats possible. To be sure, Joe Mauer looks like a nice player. But Mauer is a complementary guy, not a middle-of-the-order flagship. Im looking for the firepower here like Peppermint Patty was looking for the turkey and the cranberry sauce, and like her, I cant fucking find it. The hope is that Morneau improves on his .239 BA, 22 homers, 79 RBIs and .741 OPS from 2005, and hell have to. Because Mauer, Lew Ford, Torii Over-rated Hunter, and 58-year old Rondell White arent going to carry this team past the White Sox and Indians, and re-open a window of opportunity that may have already slammed shut for good.
Detroit Tigers
Last Season: They took their $75 million payroll and sucked. Again.
The Question: Why did some crackhead pick them to finish ahead of the Indians? Why is this dude making money from writing and Im not? I mean, Im no Grantland Rice here, and Im an awful Cleveland homer, but at least Im not patently retarded. Wheres my motherfucking paycheck?
Do the Tigers have some talent? Sure. Jeremy Bonderman has the makings of an outstanding pitcher. With Craig Monroe, Dmitri Young, Brandon Inge, a full seasons worth of Placido Palanco and Magglio Ordonez, and even a non-juiced Ivan Rodriguez, this team is far from bereft of good players. But the Tigers are the pre-Marvin Lewis Bengals of the American League, a team that always finds a way to screw things up. This might sound ignorant (and it is), but I say you have to assume Detroit is going to lose 90 games until they prove otherwise. And I dont want to hear about Jim Leylands impact on the franchise, either. Whats he going to do, chain-smoke them to 85 wins?
Kansas City Royals
Last Season: Lost 106 games, including 19 in a row at one point, and saw erstwhile manager Tony Pena do his best imitation of the guy from Falling Down. Even by the brutal standards of the Royals, it was an abnormally tough campaign.
The Question: Is it possible for the Royals to loss less than 100 games in 2006?
Well, it isnt looking too good as of now. Mike Sweeney, the one remaining holdover from the talented-yet-terrible Royales of the late 90s, is on the injury-riddled downside of his career. Other than possibly Mark Teahan, there are no good young position players worth mentioning. Injuries and personal meltdowns have already made inroads in Kansas Citys woeful pitching staff. Closer Mike MacDougall is down for six weeks, making K.C.s appalling bullpen even worse, if thats possible. Mark Redman has knee problems. Youthful Zack Greinke, who lost 18 games last year and still eats for free at Bob Evans, wandered away from camp early in spring training and has yet to return (Id say the Royales should have put out an Amber Alert for him, but if I did Id be exceeding my quota of lame Zach Greinke looks about twelve jokes for one column).
Let me put it this way: Im a Scott Elarton fan, he did a terrific job for the Indians last season but when hes your number-one starter, youre in deep doo-doo as a baseball team. And Elarton as the staff ace is the situation presently facing the Royales, who are one step away from conducting sances to bring back the spirit of Dan Quisenberry, in hopes that hell resurrect his sardonic, side-arming self and actually get a few guys out for this sick, sad franchise.
Fox Sports Crackhead Posted: 3/28/2006by: jim What tard for the ESPN rip-off FSN said the tigers are the tenth best team in baseball? Dayn Perry; yeah, household name. Get out of your parents attic in Boston and watch some baseball. Name a tiger. If you're like me, you say Cecil Fielder cub fan (patsy's a skank) Posted: 3/22/2006by: paul konerko's hairline Patsy, you piece of southside trash, shut up! Why dont you go lay on some el tracks. WHITE SOX Posted: 3/22/2006by: Patsy Speaking as a South Sider who lived 3 blocks from the former Comiskey Park, I'm just happy we beat the fucking CUBS. The rest of the AL Central can go ahead and take their turns at the Prize. As long as the fucking CUBS never get it as long as I'm alive, I will be happy. Jesse Posted: 3/22/2006by: Joe Yeah getting long-balled by Scott Freakin Posdsednik did hurt last year probably not as much as not making the playoffs and getting the choke signal from Ozzie hurt. Even though I am a Boston fan I can't believe an article about the AL Central has any comments about the Red Sox, some of my constituents really need to get a grip. But a good column and finally some baseball to talk about. Cubs Fan Posted: 3/22/2006by: Atlas My summer is over before it ever started. D Lee, Prior and K Wood all laid up. How the fuck does this happen every fucking year. It is almost to much to take.
Oh but they did raise ticket prices again even though the only major aquisitions were Jaun Pierre(whom I like) and Jock "Rot" Jones. Was that really worth raising the fuckng prices again, the cum guzzleing profiteers at Tribune can say goodbye to my hard earned money(that is a lie, I am sure I will still go to games, but I will try to freeload on the clients dime as much as possible.) Please if you can hear me Mark Cuban buy the Cubs. Reds Posted: 3/22/2006by: MEH Deuce, you have to give it to the poor Reds PR intern (b/c you know they're too cheap to hire anybody they have to pay) who got that assignment...
"We got WHO? For WHO? Are you shitting me? And I have to write something good about that? Hmm...let's see...'averages less than 1 HR a game allowed'? Nahhhh 'Only 2 tenths of a run higher than the league avg ERA'? Nooo..'The lack of activity in 2002/2003 means he's a young 29'? Nahhh...guess I'll settle for 'Innings eater'" Blue Jays? Umm...no Posted: 3/22/2006by: Dan Opp To Greg J. and any other dolt who predicts winners based solely on free agent acquisitions,
The Blue Jays will still languish in 3rd in the AL East this year. They've been everyone's "darkhorse" in the division for 4 years running now.
They brought in A.J. Burnett (an extreme groundball pitcher) to complement Roy Halladay (an extreme groundball pitcher) and subsequently rid themselves of any semblance of an infield defense by giving up Gold Glove 2nd baseman Orlando Hudson and bringing in the lumbering Troy Glaus to man the hot corner.
I think they'll get about 85 wins, which won't be enough to pass the Yankees or Red Sox. pride? Posted: 3/22/2006by: deuce is the only answer i can come up with to that question.. the management certainly doesnt have the smarts not to. to quote their website:"The acquisition of Bronson Arroyo gives the Reds a much-needed innings-eater." a fucking innings eater? lets try and trade for a "winner" "closer" "something" " come retire at the GAB!" it's like we're the fucking florida of baseball... lets be honest, the only reason griffey can still go by "junior" is because "senior" is still alive.. fuck me. my summer is already ruinned. I'd Like to Argue Posted: 3/22/2006by: Tom A but I don't know that I can, really.
The Twinks got a little better, but not much. Castillo will help, Batista might, Rondell White is better than what they were forced to throw up there (especially after Torii TwoEye got hurt - only a little bit overrated, maybe, because he is at best a streaky hitter. But watching him play CF is worth the admission price, no f'n doubt).
Morneau has to do a lot better, and the new guys have to stay healthy and produce. Their lineup looks a lot better - at least they are putting legit major leaguers in there instead of Castro/Punto/L-Rod ttiumvirate of bunters who can't bunt.
And we got rid of Jaque Jones (stiff who couldn't hit MY curveball) - he'll hit some HR's at Windley Field, but get ready for some ridiculously bad swings and misses at crucial times, Cub fans!
Pitching will again be very solid (barring injuries) - Twinks record when they scored 3 runs or more was way up there, like approaching .800. If they can just get those three runs in about 15-20 more games....
Angel Berroa? Posted: 3/22/2006by: Jesse L. Sorry, Gomer, I'm just not sold on shortstops who can't field and strike out all the time... like Angel Berroa. And wth all due respect, ROY don't mean squat. Bob Hamelin beat out Man-Ram for ROY in 1994, ya know.
The guy I like for your team is Mark Teahan. He looked great when the Tribe played the Royals a bunch of times in the final two weeks.
Chicago White Sox
Cleveland Indians
Minnesota Twins
Detroit Tigers
Kansas City Royals
