There were winners and there were losers, but most importantly, Han Solo was wearing an earring.
What the hell is Indy trying to pull? If you want to wear jewelry, thats fine. Pick out a nice shiny pinky ring. Something with sharp edges in case you need to rap a fella on the lip for disrespectin a lady.
Dont any people in Hollywood speak American anymore? British accents, Irish brogues, Aussie speak, Ebonics, Chicano yips and theater lisssspssss had me craving for a mans man hell someone like Bob Hope. He was a talented fella. Hell of a golf swing too. Hes kind of man youd let take your daughter to the picture show. Hed have her back before nine, you can bet yer bottom. What a gentleman. Unlike that fancy-pants city lawyer she got hitched up with. He moved them away causin me never to see my daughter or my grandchildren.
They call a couple of times a year, if they remember (sigh).
There was lots of homa-sexual stuff nominated this year. Like "Will & Grace", "Desperate Housewives" and some other shit too. Thank God Brokeback Mountain, a real manly picture bout some fuckin cowboys was representing the High Life men, throwing a little goddamn testosterone in a room full of crybabies and attention cravers.
All these people winning keep running up onto the stage only to start crying. Like that Oriental cookie from "Arli$$". They dont make programs like "Arli$$" anymore thats for damn sure. But, what the hell are they crying about? They should be happy; the losers should be the ones crying. Come here you, Ill give you something to cry about! Get in my kitchen and peel some onions! Here's some tear gas too.
Did I remember to play the number tonight? Tonight, I win. I've got a feeling.
Anthony Hopkins won the lifetime achievement award this year. Never cared for the man dressing up like his mamma goin' around slashing sweet girls in the shower, and during business hours. Thats no way to run a damn motel! He ought to be ashamed of himself!
Come here, I'll give you a trophy.
Oooh I wish I could pee like regulars... Grandpa is in a lot of pain.
Joaquin Phoenix looks awfully strange. Wait does he have a frog on his head? That boy aint right.
Well heres Clint Eastwood. A real man. He looks like a million bucks. If I was a few years younger and it was a different time ahem, I would punch his damn lights out for being so masculine. Yer goddamn right.
Whats this? Hes handing an award to a Chinaman!
Well thats enough for me, I cant take any more. Im going to bed.
Hell, not just yet. Ive made it so far. I want to see if that cowboy movie wins, besides Ive gotta finish my prune juice. I aint seen the movie yet, but I just know its full of cussin and whorin and fightin.
They are about to announce the winner
Brokeback Mountain!
Yesssssssssssss! Finally, a gloriously acted film that made me so emotional! A movie Ive seen again and again. I absolutely must open that special bottle of champagne that Ive been saving for a special occasion like this!
I have a dream. Or at least I hope to have a dream tonight. It will be about cowboys.
HEY GUYS Posted: 1/17/2006by: Victor French a.k.a. Mark Gordon Hey it's me again! Victor French. Had a tough bout with lung cancer, but I'm over it now. What's that smell, you ask? Oh, hell, thats just my musty ass Oakland A's hat. I know, I know. Smells like a petting zoo, doesn't it? It's that mesh netting in the back. Collects all the foul refuse from my deteriorating scalp. Kind of like a lint sock. Only different. But kinda. Anyways, I'm a big old asshole and you guys are fantastic. Keep reading The Phat Phree, and I promise The Phat Phree will keep reading you.......bye bye......................V.F. Christine Posted: 1/17/2006by: matt what you should do is shrink it on teh copier so it looks like amicrochip and then put neatly in a binder. sure you'll waste a few hundred trees, but this is America! Med Mal blows Posted: 1/17/2006by: Christine Because we get all the hospital charts in. For instance, this one file, the guy was in the hospital from 9/7/04 till 3/28/05. The hospital chart could touch the ceiling. My boss actually asked me if there was a way to organize it all in ONE BINDER!!!!!!!!!!!! what a fucking asshole. I said, "Sure, if by one binder you mean 20 ". He didn't get my joke and now he just thinks I am some stupid bitch who can't add. I hate Posted: 1/17/2006by: matt when I get a file that looks like it is going to vomit documents on me. "Uhh. . .here you go dude. it's big." Yeah no shit put in a an accordian file asshole. Okay that is better. okie dokie hokey pokey Posted: 1/17/2006by: Christine you had me worried for a bit. Glad to hear everything is fine. Things suck over here too. If one more person walks in my office with a stack of shit with a post-it on top saying, "Christine, documents in total disarray, please fix". I am just gonna snap. Yup Posted: 1/17/2006by: matt Just have a lot ennui with work of late-actaully all the time. Besides-I am having fun and gaing valuabel information terms like milquetoast. Matt Posted: 1/17/2006by: Christine Are you ok today? You seem a little. . . . I don't know . . . . . insane! I hope you got your coffee by now.
Heather, agreed. Russell Crowe is a total dick
Nice Posted: 1/17/2006by: JP Good stuff Kiley Posted: 1/17/2006by: matt Very good!! Thank you, sir. Now I will be the epitomy of Caspar Milquetoast as I request this friday off so I can, how you say, not work and pretend to be in this 1% of the world's richest as I poor a nice frothy Miller High Life in a Stella pint glass (that i stole from a bar) and scoff at the working class from my rented Ivory Tower done in the post 60's puke green stucco and spanish roof. Yah!!! Posted: 1/17/2006by: HMK Finally something that made me smile today. I should have known that I could depend on you Kiley, my man. I only watched about 10 min. last night, but when they announced Russell Crowe for Cinderella Man and they zoomed in on his face he looked like such an arrogant bastard. He made some face like "Oh, another award, how gay, pleeeaasse I am to good for this scene I hate him so much, he is a useless waste of space for me. Then they announced Heath Ledger and when they paned in on him he looked almost shy and embarrassed. Not that he is any better of an actor than Russell, but he is more of a kind, real man to me.
