Ashley Parker Angel? Did he pick this as a stage name or was it his real name? Which of those answers would be more acceptable? If he wasnt referred to in the same way as historical assassins, his name would be Ashley Angel. Why even deviate from the whole pussy-ass motif with Parker? Why not Feather? Or Butterfly? Oh, I got it. He could be Ashley Vagina Angel. Has anyone seen this fucker? He is unbelievable. "There and Back", his show on MTV, is so fucking unbearable that I have actually considered lighting my television on fire whenever my fiance turns it on.
I would be surprised that such fecal-esque garbage would actually air on television, but I realize that a channel named MTV exists. Those bastards. I have caught on to their little game. Two guys over there at Viacom obviously have a bet going. Its probably Randolph and Mortimer Duke from Trading Places. Who can make the most absolutely terrible, bottom of the bucket, shit-stain of a show of all time and actually get people to tune in? Its almost like a game of horrible television Jenga. Keep pulling shit out of your ass until the whole network comes toppling down.
"To the contrary, Mortimer, "Quadriplegic Lesbian Room-Raiders" will be fly as shit."
Just when you see a gay guy make out with another gay guys mom on a jet ski, you think youve seen it all. MTV finally smacked rock bottom. But, no way. Beeeeep Beeeeeeeeeppppp! Here comes the MTV shit-show express! Ashley Angel is appearing on commercials and being portrayed like people actually know who he is. Most people reading this still dont even know who the fuck he is.
He was in O-Town, my fiance tells me.
So was our paper-boy. What is the big fucking deal? I bet you cant even name one of their songs!
'Liquid dreams', she replies.
I make sure the windows and garage door are tightly shut and start the engine.
Alright, I understand that some misguided females might have a limited knowledge of who he is. Besides them? Nobody. MTV made him sound like some great musician fighting his way back to the top. Back to the top? Back? Maybe back to the top of the stairs to his one-room apartment over a bar. How in the fuck do you go back to somewhere youve never been? Ashley Angel is not Marty McFly, and he is currently on his fourteenth minute of fame.
The premise of the show could cause self-mutilation. Whoever came up with this whole thing should be forced to ingest a gallon of bleach from a beer bong. The whole premise goes something like this. Ashley rocked out with a boy band called O-town after he won on "Making the Band". Surprisingly, the band was not entirely successful, and broke up. Now he is flat broke, living with his pregnant girlfriends mom, and trying to make a comeback as a guitar-yielding John Mayer, wannabe. Ive seen better television in Mexico.
This show has lasted for an entire season. Who identifies with this turd?
Ah, man, I feel so bad that you won a reality contest, made a whole bunch of money, and failed to invest any of it at all! Sniffle sniffle.
Who is rooting for him to make his comeback? If there is anyone, they sure arent buying his albums. The other day I heard him yapping that he might actually have to get a real job because hes tired of taking handouts. Oh, look, Im making a fist, that makes it hard to type.
The best part of the whole thing is that the only job he qualified for was to hold advertising signs and stand outside of businesses. This is not a joke. It really happened. I would think that there could be a better person out there to make a reality show about. This guys highest employment qualification is to dress up like a giant foam cell phone and stand outside of Alltel.
Ashley Vagina Angel spends most episodes sulking about his bitchy-ass, pregnant girlfriend, her mom, and the fact that its such bad luck that the band broke up and he cant catch on in the industry. A good friend would grab him by the shoulders, shake him like hell, and say, Youre right, Ash, it is impossible to come back and have a successful solo career after your band breaks up. Its never been done. Forget about every single Beatle, Eric Clapton, Michael Jackson, Ice Cube, Dr. Dre, Eazy E, Scott Weiland, Beyonce, Chris Cornell, and any other of the various entertainers who have done so. The reason you arent catching on isnt because your band broke up, or because the industry is holding you down- it is because you suck balls.
I encourage any fans of Ashley to relay this helpful, friendly advice to him.
ha ha ha
I cant believe that this show actually airs. Ashley took the amazingly brave career-jump from boy-band member, during the boy-band craze, into a soulful, pretty-boy, guitar yielding, love rocker, during the soulful, pretty-boy, guitar yielding, love rocker craze. Thanks again, John Mayer. You and your clones have knocked out about fourteen million mind-drilling songs about love. A musician hasnt been this brave involving an image change since Vanilla Ice came back as a heavy-rap-rock singer when Limp Bizkit was popular. Yeah, remember that? Limp Bizkit was popular.
I guess the best way I can sum it all up is to say that Ashley Parker Angel is an annoying fuckface and his show sucks ass.
P.S. He also named his son, Lyric. Yep, thats right. Lyric Angel. Time to go back out to the garage. To hell with you, MTV.
MY SENTIMENTS EXACTLY I HATE THAT BASTARD Posted: 4/14/2006by: Sharon That guy totally sucks ass. I hate his bith ass girlfriend. She's so fucking ugly she looks like that Tales from the Crypt skeleton shit. Her mother looks half better. HIS BUGS the shit outta mean. I he's a dyke!! I never heard of his before.. Ashely Parker Angel, you should change your name biotch...
Your mom musta been high on crack to name your faggot ass. If wifey a dude? ARRRGghhh .. you suck...and no - I'm not a hater -- but you really do suck.. Thank you Posted: 4/4/2006by: Dave THANK YOU. THANK YOU. AAAAND...THANK YOU.
I am emailing this to my wife right now. Try this on for size... Posted: 3/12/2006by: Jenn TORI SPELLING to appear in her own reality TV show. I cannot recall if it will be on MTV or VH1, but then again, what is the difference? The trailor for it features her and her father-purchased fake breasts proclaiming her independence from Daddy Dearest (without whom we'd never know her as virginal Donna Martin as featured in Beverly Hills, 90210 a billion years ago). Now THIS show should be interesting! HA Bitch Posted: 3/12/2006by: Azley Ashley Parker Angel is my bitch. He gave such bad head I asked his mannish looking girlfriend to finish me off. are you fucking serious Posted: 3/10/2006by: fuk this ashley parker can suck my balls. but that FAGGOT ASS gut shot he tried to pull off at the Roxy put that cocksuckers show in front of that PIECE OF SHIT MEET THE DUMBASS BARKERS. GODDAMN john mayer Posted: 3/6/2006by: g Let's be clear, I hate John Mayer's first album. HOWEVER, when he was on VH1 wearing an ape suit, walking around the parking lot at one of his shows calling himself a pussy and instigating his "fans", I was hugely amused. Maybe he actually is that one guy who made a corporate album and is using his fame and clout to do something he intended to do in the first place. His trio album is actually decent, and is standing up to musical criticism.
This Ashley dude really needs to be put down. He is the epitome of every lame ass, OC watching kid who thinks the world owes him something. Fuck this guy. Shut the fuck up and get a goddamned job like the rest of us and support your stupid ass, doomed from the start kid.
......yeah, this show really does bubble up all kinds of rage in people..... WOW MTV Does suck Posted: 3/1/2006by: wow I can't believe how much MTV has been gone downhill, I don't even watch that shit network, remember when they actually used to play videos, they are about as much value to me as the network that broadcast school board meetings. I hope this this prick chokes on his boyfriend's scrotum and dies.
Thanks... Posted: 2/28/2006by: Mr. Gradenko ...now that I know this punk exists, I have yet another reason to silently scream "DOUCHEBAG" in my head at work.
MTV. Fools!
Solid piece of reading; good job. I must be mistaken... Posted: 2/27/2006by: duffer I haven't seen MTV in quite a while but I thought they played videos.... WTF? Posted: 2/27/2006by: Hedley God, that's even worse than Date my Mom and Next. I can't wait for MTV's next season of filth.
