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Um, you're halfway there, guys...
Recently, WGN has started re-running old TV shows on Sunday afternoons. Included in the line-up is "Newhart", a show I enjoyed quite a bit when I was younger. Imagine my surprise, then, when I tuned in and saw a show that virtually unrecognizable. Where is Dick's talk show? Where is Michael, as played by the delightful Peter Scolari? Where are Larry and his brother Darryl and his other brother Darryl?
It turns out that WGN is showing the series from its beginning, which I was too young to remember, and these other characters didn't join until later. So who was rounding out the cast in the meantime? Some schmuck named Kirk, who was played by some other schmuck named Steven Kampmann.
That got me thinking; here's a guy who either left or was fired from a show in the very early days, before it went on to be hugely successful, even iconic. And while Bob Newhart gets to collect 8 years worth of residuals, Kampmann gets only one? What a bummer. It also occurred to me that this could hardly be considered a unique experience. There have to be tons of angry, bitter actors out there who constantly bemoan the fact that they left a series just before it became huge, sort of the TV equivalent of Pete Best.
So, I decided to compile a list in honor of these forgotten roles and performers. I gave myself a few simple rules:
Only 1 Season Wonders are allowed on the list, and it had to be at least half of a season. No characters who were ditched after the pilot (sorry, Claire the waitress from "The Seinfeld Chronicles"), or who left after multiple seasons (sorry, Judy the other daughter from "Family Matters").
Only characters who were eliminated entirely, not just re-cast (sorry, first Chris Partridge), or spun off in an attempt to start a new series (sorry, The Ropers).
Only successful shows make the list, because, really, how upset can Dana Gould be that his character Jimmy got cut after the first season of "Working"? It only lasted another six episodes, right? Same goes for the staff of the comic book company on "Bob".
It doesn't count if the actor who played the character died.
Finally, sitcoms only (sorry, Janice Rand from "Star Trek").
So here they are, in no particular order. And, if by any chance you meet any of these actors at the bus depot, or maybe waiting in line at the DMV, show them some sympathy. They've had it tough, and it's possible that God hates them.
Kirk Devane "Newhart" played by Steven Kampmann
Okay, so the premise of your show is that a classy, intelligent New York couple move to Vermont to get away from all the dishonest greedy neurotics in New York City, only to find themselves surrounded by eccentric, back-woods oddballs. So, obviously, you want to set up their neighbor as a dishonest greedy neurotic restaurant owner. The guy doesn't even have a New England accent, for crying out loud.
Kirk breaks one of the rules I set for this list, though, but since he's the one who inspired the whole thing I decided to keep him on it. Apparently he lasted for the first two seasons (who knew?), and Mr. Kampmann had already had a successful career as a writer and producer, so he doesn't really fit my attempt to paint him as an embittered, screwed-over actor. Spoilsport.
Chuck Cunningham "Happy Days" played Gavan O'Herlihy, later Randolph Roberts
The quintessential discarded character, Chuck Cunningham's abrupt unexplained and unacknowledged disappearance has become a bit of a punchline in show biz circles. Furthermore, the character was played by two different actors, much like Darren Stevens, Lionel Jefferson, or Becky Connor. So he's a two-fer!
Chuck Cunningham also gave us the term "Reverse Chuck Cunningham", wherein a series introduces a previously unmentioned character (especially if it's a family member) and treats them as if they've been there all along, i.e. Sandra Huxtable or Kelso's brothers.
Liz Williams "Night Court" played by Paula Kelly
Man, the first three seasons of "Night Court" were a mess; two dead bailiffs, abrupt changes in clerks, and a rousing game of Musical Public Defenders. Liz here replaced ANOTHER Public Defender from the pilot, then got the boot herself at the end of the first season. I suppose she can probably take some satisfaction in the fact that her successor did no better, getting replaced after a year by Markie Post. I hope not, though, as schadenfraude is a rather unbecoming trait in a woman.
Cindy, Sue Ann, Nancy, Molly, and Mr. Bradley "The Facts of Life" played by"Aw, who gives a damn? One of them was Molly Ringwald, and I don't think it was Mr. Bradley.
It's a show set at an all-girls school, right? So, logically, there should be lots of girls around, right? Yes, lots of girls. Lots of fresh, innocent, under-age girls, all on the cusp of their blossoming young womanhood.
Well, that didn't last. It turns out that there are really only four personalities that TV writers know how to provide for young women, and one of them is "black", so the others were given their walking papers. As for Mr. Bradley, it turns out that TV viewers don't like to watch any man giving Charlotte Rae a hard time, unless it's Grandpa Munster (and if you get that joke, you must have watched nearly as much Nick at Nite as I have).
Gone, but not forgotten
Harlin Polk "Will and Grace" played by Gary Grubbs
Wow, this guy must be pissed. Originally featured in the opening credits, Harlin was an attempt to include a non-gay male among the regulars, just to keep the red states from getting too put off. Plus, he was from the South! Middle America was sure to find him acceptable, right? Only if for "acceptable" we read "dull". Harlin was written out at the beginning of the second season, and it's probably the only time in TV history when an actor lost a job because America was too open-minded.
John Burns "Taxi" played by Randall Carver
John? On "Taxi"? I don't remember there being any John on "Taxi". There was a Jim, I know that. And also a Jeff, now that I think about it. But no John. Nope.
Are you sure you're not thinking of "Dear John"? That was another sitcom with Judd Hirsch, and it had a John on it. He was the main character, in fact. That's probably what you're thinking of. But there was no John on "Taxi". I'm glad we cleared that up. Next.
Jay Selby "Mad About You" played by Tommy Hinkley
You know how when you first get married, you still have that one single male friend who hangs around your apartment all the time and observes the petty squabbles that you and your new wife get into and makes sarcastic comments about them? And you know how after a short time he disappears suddenly and then it's your single, extremely Jewish cousin with the weird hair who hangs around your apartment all the time and observes the petty squabbles that you and your new wife get into and makes sarcastic comments about them? What's the deal with that?
Holly Jamison "These Friends of Mine", later re-named "Ellen" for some reason, played by Holly Fulger
When the most interesting thing about a sitcom is its title, there's going to be some re-tooling. And when your role is "Blonde Who Is Even More Bland Than Ellen Degeneres", your days are numbered, especially when Ellen's the co-producer. After season 1, the show's title was made more dull, and the cast was made more compelling. Now, I'll watch anything with Arye Gross in it, and that's the only reason why I remember Holly (well, that, and her performance on "Anything But Love"). Frankly, they both dodged a bullet by not having to try to cope when the whole premise of the show shifted to dealing with Ellen's lesbianism.
Ashley Schaeffer "Spin City" played by Carla Gugino
All right, let me pitch this to you: it's a sitcom about a high-ranking New York City official and his live-in journalist girlfriend. At work, he's constantly trying to distract and deceive her so she won't discover what an ineffective boob the Mayor is, but after hours they're all lovey-dovey and shit. Did I mention his wacky co-workers? Did I also mention that we never show any other aspect of her life or personality other than her dogged determination to embarrass his boss? And get this: The guy will be so damned charming and lovable because he's played by Michael J Fox. And the girl? She'll be played Carla Gugino, so she'll be brittle and off-putting! Sounds like comedy gold, right?
Did I forget to mention Mike's intern/secretary? There's a reason for that.
Stuart Minkus "Boy Meets World" played by Lee Norris
One of these things is not like the others
So, Minkus was supposed to be the uptight, brainy counter-point to Cory's fun-loving everykid. But as the show evolved (and evolved and evolved) Cory's character became more straight-laced and square, serving as a foil to the rebellious Shawn and goofy Eric. So Minkus got the boot, poor dope. Who knows, if he'd learned how to loosen up a little it might have been him who eventually got to do things to Topanga's incredible body.
That's my list. With the new TV season up and running, there are bound to be some new additions to it coming soon. Here's a fun game, take your favorite new show and try to guess which character is doomed. It's fun, and helps you learn not to form emotional attachments to anything!
Posts: 2095 Rank: 8 Joined:
12/14/2006
Location:
The Wash, DC
Posted: 10/20/2008 9:43:47 AM
Amiott et al.
Did The Phat Phree get married? The only explanation for the cataclysmic degradation of “the ha”.
I remember when I thought this place was great and would pitch it to friends. Edgy writers, Zumock’s race baiting (not to mention awesome sweater vest. Zzzzzzzzz), engaged admins, etc... Sadly, now it's just like a run of the mill shit blog…except here you get the luxury of being pissed in the face by several pop-up ads. Atrocious.
As the saying goes, two tears in a bucket. The arc is nearing completion and we'll be shoving off without you dregs. Stay here and get your papoose fitted.
---
All,
Just as Noah launched early, so shall we. Last night God spoke to me, advising “Woe unto those who see not that the waters of damnation do riseth.” I took that to mean, “It’s time to get the fuck out of Dodge.”…though he might have been talking about my masturbatory exploits this past weekend. Fuck it, rolling with the former.
Pack your shit. I’ll be out of the loop until Friday. I hope to then have everything ready for us to set sail.
Posts: 10 Rank: 190 Joined:
9/26/2007
Location:
en route, PA
Posted: 10/20/2008 10:19:44 AM
of a brilliant 5th game comeback. Oh well, at least I got some sleep last night and not the usual car horns and destruction of property that comes with any significant Red Sox win. Good work, DC and the Rays.
Posts: 3005 Rank: 6 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
New York, NY
Posted: 10/20/2008 10:31:29 AM
CJ, bitterness and jealousy are ugly emotions. That being said, fuck the Sox. Any forms of obnoxiousness perpetrated by the Rays will be unable to approach the douchebaggery and asshatedness of the Red Sox organization and fanbase in the past 4 years. A pox upon all of you.
that was my b-day weekend, older for it, but may not be wiser.
SS, is this a two by two thing? Can I not be in a room with Spart, I'll room with Xstine for the first night, but after that I'd like some sleep - great thanks.
Bare with me here, remember how in the recent release of Star Wars (4 or 1 or whatever) the moment when you saw the likeness of the Emperor for the first time in Senator Palpatine? A sort of Eureka moment - well I had that same feeling yesterday with Jerry Jones and Al Davis.
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