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Rachel Dratch Contemplates Suicide
Here's a real familiar statement- "So ever since I was little I always wanted to be on Saturday Night Live and....." Blah blah blah. "John Belushi and..." Blah blah blah "Phil Hartman...."blah blah blah.
Ok you get the idea. You ask any 15 to 30 something who's ever wanted to be on TV what show they'd like to be on, and 9 out of 10 of them are going to say that they wanted to be on SNL. Up until about 2 weeks ago, I was in that very same boat. That is until one fateful Saturday Night when I sat through Episode 1389 (I looked this up I’m not that big of a nerd I swear). Hosted by Hillary Swank with musical guest Fifty Cent (Budweiser TRUE music).
I can't begin to tell you what a dream smashing episode it truly was. From the opening sketch to the closing bows, this show made me want to personally give up any comedic aspirations I had and start my own dinner theatre- merely to erase the memory of the vacuum of comedy I witnessed that night.
I know that over the years, SNL has endured countless slings and arrows from critics and fans alike. And that the show at its best was never really as great is the reverence laid upon it. But Holy God, what happened? I could not believe how bad it was.
I hadn't been home in a while to see an actual episode, so for me, it was like visiting a friend who's dying in the hospital. And when you go in there, you expect to see him really sick but you didn't expect him to have somehow gnawed his leg off and become retarded.
Ok, that metaphor didn’t make much sense. Let me elaborate.
This particular episode was really something terrible. It was so bad in fact; I had to watch the whole thing. Most times, as you know, when you watch SNL you watch the opening sketch. Maybe you'll stick around till Weekend Update. Maybe not. Maybe you are at a bar and some guy at the bar says “That Jimmy Fallon is a fag” and makes you change the channel. Or sometimes there is a sketch so bad you say "Aw fuck it! This blows" and you flip to ESPN to be one of the countless assholes that watch the 40th rebroadcast of Sport Center that day. (I'm know I'm way guilty of that. Color me "asshole")
But this episode was SO bad I felt compelled to watch it in its entirety. Just sort of marveling at the faded greatness I had built up all my life and watching it crash and burn in front of my very eyes. It was sort of like watching Ozzie Smith at an old-timers game and he blows out a hip trying to field a simple grounder. Poor Ozzie. All he was trying to do was field a grounder and now he'd dead. And so too is SNL.
The opening sketch, featuring a sick Michael Jackson being nursed back to health by Elizabeth Taylor, was not a train wreck. But it was a really bad scene with one joke. That joke of course was that Michael Jackson didn’t understand that molesting kids was a bad thing. So through a parade of forced cameos and one noted jokes the scene went on and on. I did manage to laugh when an adult McCully Culkin offered to sell MJ some pot but that was really the only funny moment. And this episode had very few.
The episode was too awful to break down scene by scene. But here are some low lights for you.
Tina Fey Contemplates Suicide
- There was a scene about a restaurant that served food on plates that were too hot. “Oh boy how hot are these plates. OH no! I’m a skeleton.”
- There was a sketch about an LA talk show were everyone had mutilated their face with Botox. "I thought this was the best sketch of the show which wasn’t saying much”
- There was also a “Project Runway” spoof that was about as hilarious as Project Runway.
- Weekend Update seemed both bitter and unprofessional. The normally stellar Tina Fey egged on the audience while bashing Hollywood and the like with little love or interest. Both Tina and fellow Weekend Update Co-host Amy Poeller missed many lines and botched a few jokes here and there.
The over all tone of the show seemed haphazard at amateurish at best.
Of course a fair amount of blame can be squarely placed on the ineptitude of the shows host Hillary Swank. I should say- Oscar® winner Hillary Swank. She was stilted and completely glued to the cue cards all night. There were several places throughout the show where she completely stopped what she was doing in order to recover. In her defense, if she were dead on in her performance, it would not have helped. The material appeared to have been geared towards 13-year-old girls, who may or many not have severe Down syndrome.
Sure, to a certain degree you kind of expect this sort of thing to have occurred. The show is in its 30th year and they have been struggling to fill the voids left by Will Farrell and others, but how could it have gotten this bad? It made me wonder.
Is this the show the 12-year-old me wanted so badly to be on? Is this all that is left?
Oh! I must be watching Nickelodeo... What the FUCK!
I guess I’m old and have seen too many TV shows and movies, and have not sniffed enough gas to find SNL as funny as I did when I was younger.
All this in mind, I can honestly tell you that if Lorne Michaels came up to me today and said “I think I’d like to have you audition for SNL” I could look him right in the eye and say “Sure….Um… OK. Errrr….. How do you take your coffee?” Because though SNL may be very uneven and very sub par. I’d sell my dick to work on TV and not be trapped behind some desk in a corporate office.
So until next time, good night and have a pleasant tomorrow.
SNL is sad programming these days, but I still feel it could work. For this to happen, Lorne Michaels needs put his ego aside, and realize, like many SNL greats (Dan Akroyd, Chevy Chase, Dana Carvey) that he doesn't know what's funny anymore. He's completely lost it and he shouldn't be the show's producer or evaluator of talent. (His reign is over)
They need to take a bulldozer to SNL, and start over from scratch! Tradition's great to have but sometimes "tradition" needs to take a back seat for the sake of funny! Comedy is always changing and they need to go in a completely new direction.
*I prefer Sports Center also*
charlie
CHAD, YOU SON OF A BITCH!
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Post #: 2
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Posted: 3/15/2005
I assured Fath I would be the first to comment on his SNL article! Dammit! Get a job so you aren't up so damn late. I at least have an excuse as it is only 9pm on the west coast when the new articles go up... Dammit!
Anyway, Fath hit the nail on the head when he said, "the show at its best was never really as great is the reverence laid upon it."
I too was a huge fan of SNL growing up. Eddie Murphy, Mike Myers, Dana Carvey, et al. I remember singing Garrett Morris' classic tune I'm Gonna Get Me Shotgun and Kill All the Whiteys I See on the bus ride home from 5th grade (that went over exactly as well as you imagine). But upon further inspection, all those great moments you know from anniversary specials and clip shows are really the ONLY great moments.
"Jane, you ignorant slut," "Cheeseburger, Cheeseburger, Cheeseburger," Mr. Robinson's Neighborhood, "Buckwheat has been shot," "I got pieces of guys like you in my stool," Bill Murray and Gilda Radner's goofy couple, the Stevie Wonder camera commercial, Farley and the Folger's Switch, a few minutes of the Chris Farley Show, and that's it. That's all there ever was of that show (feel free to fill me in if I missed a few).
Now granted, the low points of the first 5 years are Mt. Everest compared to the low points of the past 10 years, but it was never solid for 90 minutes a week. Shit, it was never solid for 15 minutes a week. The only part that has really, significantly, dramatically gotten worse are the musical guests. They used to get real musicians like Ray Charles, Bob Dylan, Joe Cocker, Paul Simone... Now we get shit. We get teen-age sex kittens doing karaoke.
To be fair, any of us who have done live comedy -- sketch, stand-up, whatever -- know it is a hit and miss proposition. That is why we learn early on if you aren't 99% sure it is going to kill you make it short. And if you aren't 100% sure (i.e. you've already performed it a dozen times and it gets laughs every time) you give yourself an out about halfway through. The problem with SNL is they have to fill about 50 minutes... And they have to do it every week... And they have to work in some completely unfunny guest host who has 1 hour for rehearsal.
The problem isn't completely the talent. It is just as much the format. One week to write, rehearse and perform an hour of live comedy just isn’t enough. Especially since the whole cast spends their summers practicing being criminally unfunny in movies like Super Taxi (or whatever that Queen Latifa/Jimmy Fallon turd was called).
I am sorry, but the Holy Trinity couldn’t pull that off. If Jesus was off doing Jesus and Hutch and the Holy Sprit was doing Ghost Dad Too and God was doing the remake of Oh, God! You Devil with Will Farrel taking over for John Denver, they would suck too when the fall season came around. Comedy groups need time to get their act together. Writers need time to write, and performers need time to rehearse. They were able to get away with it for a long time because no one had really seen sketch comedy on TV, but now it is just tiresome.
My suggestion would be to have a guest cast every week that brings their own well developed material. Cut the regular cast by 75% and let them concentrate on the Weekend Update and one or two taped sketches. Can the weekly guest hosts altogether, and get some real bands in there. Go back to developing great comedic voices and end this bullpen for garbage movies.
I don't want to completely hijack Jim's article, but the SNL thing really bums me out sometimes. I could go on and on about it, but in the end, what does it matter.
Also, did anyone else see that Kelsey Grammer sketch show on Fox this week? Oh boy… Another time perhaps.
larry
agreed...format and reload
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Posted: 3/15/2005
to paraphrase jesse: SNL is about as funny as the Rwandan genocide.
Last time I watched that show they used fart jokes in back to back skits. Lorne Michaels wouldn't know funny if it was strapped to the business end of a sledgehammer and applied to his head.
However, the Ashley Simpson meltdown a while back was fantastic, so I guess the show still has a few redeeming qualities.
Z-Man
That's a good one
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Posted: 3/15/2005
I forgot about the Ashley Simpson thing, that was great! They need to do more stuff like that, "Exploit and ruin people"
Z-man
One more thing..
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Posted: 3/15/2005
Did I mention SNL's so desperate, that they even stole a sketch idea from some comedy group in Cleveland. (It's gotten that bad)
SNL_Staff
Brush up
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Posted: 3/17/2005
It was most definitely not our best show, but until you know the process and the history (and, perhaps, can spell words or use quotation points correctly), maybe THEN you'll come to understand that not every show or cast member can be fantastic. There are highs and lows in the shows, seasons, and genre of SNL, and you wrote an article based on one viewing. There is never an overriding sentiment of SNL worship or hatred, although both have had their well-deserved points (see 1981 and 1995 for hatred and Will FeRReLL for worship), but the show is cyclic - it's its own animal, and no matter how "bad" it gets, it pisses, cums, and spits in the face of jokes like Mad TV, the only other show which even attempts to copy the format and material of SNL, and in doing so, fails miserably.
And, based on where your writing is being published, I can't imagine a media behemoth like Lorne Michaels ever offering you a job in comedy...or maintenance.
Mad TV...umm...Staff!
Dear SNL Staff
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Posted: 3/19/2005
Wow! Way to represent! SNL...east side! (here's me throwing up my SNL gang signs to you. Look. Did you catch that?) After all, it does "piss, cum, and spit in the faces of Mad TV" You know the last time I watched Mad TV, I didn't see any sketch that resembled anything on SNL. I'm not going to argue over which one is better. I actually have respect for both programs. But, know this. Mad TV has "endings" to their sketches.
pfffft
Dear SNL Staff - take 2
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Posted: 3/19/2005
So I really have no intention of picking on SNL (nor its staff) but I take issue with SNL Staff's arguments: "until you know the process and the history... THEN you'll come to understand that not every show or cast member can be fantastic". HUH? So your argument is that crappy TV wouldn't be crappy if we knew the process and history behind it? Dang, that goes a long way to explaining why "8 simple rules" and "According to Jim" seem sooo awful to me, I guess. I shouldn't judge until I've looked into their respective histories and processes. I'll get right on that. Oh, and the fact that you think Mad TV is garbage does not, in any way, make SNL better (or worse).
foley
Brush up?
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Posted: 3/19/2005
SNL_Staff - You can break it down all you like, but the simple fact is the show is not funny. However, your persuasive and cogent critique of this author's work does put it all in perspective. I'm sure we all agree with you that the key to great comedy is punctuation.
In all seriousness to fully grasp the angst people have about SNL you have to understand that is it something they are passionate about. Something they grew up with and now lament its present condition. I think you are equally passionate about the show and I am not calling your reverence into question just your interpretation of ours.
The decay on SNL is indicative of the decay on TV in general. TV has become a pop media wasteland with little to think about. SNL has long served as a viable bench mark of the times. Today is no different.
There is an unmistakable effect the show still has on people. People will talk about it whether it’s good or bad. When there is a good sketch. You will hear about it. Right now all I happen to see and hear is how bad it is.
I WISH it wasn't so. I don't think people like seeing some of their favorite things get shitty. Sort of like watching a demolition crew destroy your childhood home or euthanize your mom. Maybe it will get rebuilt. I sincerely hope it does.
Whether you believe it or not I do like the show and would love nothing more then to enjoy it again.
Now get cracking SNL Staff. You've got a show to save.
~Jim
PS I’ll have you know Sir that I have impeccable janitorial references. Lorne Michaels would sleep better with my clean floors and immigrant style cleaning approach.
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