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San Antonio TX: Clear Channel announced earlier this week that they will be replacing the play lists at all 110,800 of their radio stations world wide with one song in an effort to save money. The cash strapped Conglomerate, whose earnings last year stalled at 4.5 billion falling far short of the company’s revenue target of 4.52 billion, will be cutting costs left and right this year in an effort to please stock holders and owners.
“The song “Let’s Get it Started” by the Black Eyed Peas will be blaring over and over again at all Clear Channel stations 24 hours a day” The announcement declared. “Only stopping every hour for a “fresh” 30 minute non-stop block of commercials.” In addition to not only playing one song, Clear Channel has also announced that they will only be playing the first 15 seconds of the song and then repeating it over and over.
The Black Eyed Peas were selected because they not only already work for Clear Channel but most listeners would only listen to the first 15 seconds of any of their songs anyway. The Black Eyed Peas also were in negations to host their own nationally syndicated morning radio show which was declined as Clear Channel also announced that all morning radio shows will now be hosted by a computer playing “Fart Noises” all morning from 6-10am.
As of July 15th all radio stations will be closed up and the Clear Channel will be sending it’s signal from a 500 foot tall Iron Robot being constructed in Malvern Iowa about 100 miles north of Davenport. The robot will be able to adjust its signal saturation across the globe.
In an over the phone interview Bob Haskins CEO of Clear Channel made the following statement about the announcement.
“Heyyyyyy it’s 55 downtown 65 at the airport and we aaaaaaare pulling the plug on all our musiiiiiiiic. Be the fifth caller right now and receive tickets to see your favorite singer lip-synch at you local corporate controlled music venue. Well that’s gonnaaaaa do it for me. Keep it on the Q, traffic on the 10’s, and I ammmmm outta here!”
that I know where Malvern, Iowa is (western side, no where near Davenport - Oh, God! I know where Davenport is, too!). Knew a guy in college who was from Malvern. He didn't go back.
This article is good, but a bit of an exaggeration. Clear Channel plays Gwen Stefani, too.
Lamar
True
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Posted: 5/10/2005 12:34:11 PM
This article is great. I'm still laughing that Tom A. cited to Gwen Stefani as a counterexample!!! Talk about narrow vision. Mr. A: is there a band or artist that you listen to, but that none of your friends has ever heard of?
Rep. for Tom A
Did you hear that?
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Posted: 5/10/2005 1:36:37 PM
That was the sound of a joke going right over your head.
LETS GRAB ONTO A BAND AND DRILL IT INTO THE GROUND. Clear Channel, bringing you the same homogenized shit day after day after day. They not only latch on and fuck up top 40 sdtations but the also fuck up classic rock. Clear channel is the reason why "The capitol of Rock and Roll" Sucks ass and has no real rock station to speak of. Thank god I work for a company who has better venues and sticks its middle finger right up Clear Channel's ass
Jus
Word is Born
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Posted: 5/10/2005 3:23:49 PM
This is fake news? I thought this actually happen about 6 years ago, but damn do I love the first quarter minute of that song. I also have to admit that I know where Malvern, Iowa is as well, but the picture of the robot is a bit of an exaggeration. The Clear Chanel Giant is only 350 feet tall and they've built a lovely swing set from it's taint.
Patrick Burrell
yep!
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Posted: 5/10/2005 5:56:41 PM
Get Sirius sattelite radio, best investment I ever made!
Beetle
Sattelite Radio
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Posted: 5/20/2005 4:35:46 PM
I have to agree with Pat. I have XM, and it is the nuts! No commercials on any of the music channels, plus all uncensored. I just finished listening to GnR's One in a Million, a song that was banned from regular radio airwaves. Clearchannel can suck my balls.
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