Posts: 0 Rank: 2012
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12/4/2005
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Burbank, U.S.
Posted: 9/12/2005
So everyone that I know got married this summer. I guess I’m just at that age where people either find their true love or just pretend that the person they found is their true love because they are tired of looking and are starting to get fat. Either way, I’ve spent the better part of my summer in hotel reception halls choosing between the chicken and the beef and trying to get drunk enough to make the Bee Gees listenable.
The saving grace of weddings is obviously the open bar aspect. I have ...
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good job as always mike. now as for song #10 - i think you can safely replace it with "the cha cha slide" - Mr. C - a slightly more ?listenable? electric slide, but the same crowd seems to do their best to impersonate a group of jerry's kids on ice skates.
also, the (do i know you guys or what? LOL) line was fucking awesome.
Jeff
good job
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Posted: 9/12/2005 7:02:05 AM
The Electric Slide was sung by a guy???
TEX
A few more...
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Posted: 9/12/2005 10:30:30 AM
How could you possibly forget K.C & the Sunshine Bands gem "Play that Funky Music, White Boy", which is usually quickly followed up by "Get Down Tonight". I have NEVER been to a wedding that didn't play those two turds....
K.W.
maybe its just detroit
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Posted: 9/12/2005 10:39:44 AM
but ive never seen the electric slide. Its always the hustle and done to Stevie Wonder's "My Eyes Dont Cry."
Jack
The cha Cha
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Posted: 9/12/2005 10:58:39 AM
Fuck the cha cha slide. leave it to the brothers to come up with something so easy it makes me want to vomit. stupid shines... always taking the easy road.
Chuck
Missed Song
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Posted: 9/12/2005 11:18:34 AM
Don't forget "Strokin'". Never fails.
matt
Or. . .
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Posted: 9/12/2005 11:20:39 AM
the Electric Slide, pretty much any group activity that has been coregraphed by a song. Put in your mouth is also another wedding favorite.
Mike S
Wedding songs
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Posted: 9/12/2005 11:34:44 AM
I swear.. if I go to one more wedding where they play "Gimme that Nut" by Eazy-E for the Mother-Groom dance while the grandmother goes into cardiac arrest it will mean I've been remarried.
Mortimer Duke
I will survive
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Posted: 9/12/2005 11:34:51 AM
Some bitter, middle-aged divorcee always requests this piece of shit song at every wedding. It's inevitable.
The Electric Slide was kick-ass when Ernest Givens did it after every TD for the Oilers back in the early '90s. MUCH better than the Icky Shuffle.
courtney
black betty
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Posted: 9/12/2005 11:46:17 AM
the wedding party entering the reception to Black Betty. seriously.
la
Please don't let me make these fatal mistakes
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Posted: 9/12/2005 12:03:41 PM
Please be the voice of reason if and when I may decide to take the plunge into the unknown and actually get married.
Molly
Mike...
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Posted: 9/12/2005 12:05:30 PM
...I love you. Please bring me as your guest to the next wedding. I'll eat all their shrimp. Promise.
albanian guy
My experience
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Posted: 9/12/2005 12:23:58 PM
I had to go to a wedding this weekend for a co-worker. That could be the most shitty experience ever. You can't really get shitfaced, you get ass-raped for a gift and you only know 10-15 people there. I got stuck talking to one of his old neighbors and had a married woman repeatedly touch my leg in front of her husband. Fucking terrible.
Christine
I hate it when . . .
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Posted: 9/12/2005 1:25:25 PM
I am sitting at my table, doing my best to get nice and plastered and
"Feeling Hot, Hot, Hot" comes on. Then everyone starts pulling everyone up to join the train and parade around the banquet hall. Its horrible. That guy should be shot in the face for making that song.
Jack Mehoffer
Fuck yourself...
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Posted: 9/12/2005 1:45:53 PM
You have no friends and no one would go with you to the wedding. In fact, the only luck you'd have at even remotely making this story true is finding some wedding announcement and then crashing the bitch with an asian transvestite prostitute. Nice try at humor slapnuts.
Joe Kickass
Well played
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Posted: 9/12/2005 3:10:04 PM
Good job Mike. But the real winner here is Molly, who for the first time avoided vulgarity for the sake of vulgarity in a comment.
t-noc
President
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Posted: 9/12/2005 3:29:13 PM
MIKE FOR PRESIDENT!!!!
Tom A
Mike Polk is Funny
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Posted: 9/12/2005 4:06:05 PM
Yup.
Something that makes "The Electric Slide" somewhat more bearable is realizing that all those idiots are line dancing to a song about a dildo.
P.S. "Play That Funky Music" is Wild Cherry, not KC et al.
GreekGuy
The Ultimate Wedding Song
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Posted: 9/12/2005 4:38:53 PM
I cant believe nobody mentioned the Hustle!
carriere
another song
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Posted: 9/12/2005 4:59:02 PM
what about "ass and titties"? definitely top 5.
Amanda
I was the maid of honor...
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Posted: 9/12/2005 6:50:15 PM
At a wedding where we walked into the hall as Pantera played, and then the bride and groom walked in to "Hot for Teacher" (surprise! she's a teacher!). I also learned that my mother's favorite song is "Celebration." WTF?????
Addition
We Can't Forget........
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Posted: 9/12/2005 9:05:05 PM
Shout! I know it was used in "wedding Singers" too much, but it is a wedding staple on the same.
chick
I love Mike Polk
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Posted: 9/14/2005 4:45:01 PM
It was just a crush after the Striped Shirt. Simply puppy love. Then I read Beer Run Way Too Complicated and found myself wishing I was Mike Polk's drinking/fuck buddy. Now, however, it's official. I'm in full blown, wanna have your babies love.
I LOVE YOU MIKE POLK!
Stephanie
NE Ohio weddings
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Posted: 9/14/2005 8:40:01 PM
First off what you described is the typical NE Ohio wedding. If you live in NE Ohio you can pretty much forget summer especially for women. Perfect example of a wedding in Cleveland/Youngstown area you first start off celebrating months in advance with engagement parties then months down the line showers bridal shower, personal shower, couples shower, stock your bar shower, and so on basically average bride will have at least 5 showers before wedding. Men have stag parties unbeknownst to me they do not take place in other parts of the country. A stag party consist's of a bunch of men in a seedy vfw hall or some shit like that where all the men gamble get shitfaced then go to strip clubs, sounds perfect. At the wedding which usually has 300-450 guests you have rigatoni, green beans, some sort of chicken, and a cookie table if your Italian even if your not. As Mike mentioned for at least our parts thats the typical musical line up without fail. This is what goes on for every wedding and you go to an average of 5 to 6 weddings a summer.
Jessica
you have it easy
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Posted: 8/5/2006 3:20:06 PM
as a chick, not only do I face an impending fall wedding season, but I also have to spend up to a year PER BRIDE pretending to be in awe and admiration over the fact that some desperate beta has chosen to pay her in diamonds to suck his cock exclusively, and marveling at her divine taste in invitations and place settings.
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