Posts: 16 Rank: 123
Member Since:
10/21/2005
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Encino, CA
Posted: 6/18/2005
Run The Bases As Fast As Possible!
In those glorious days of mid-twenties dating, your sex life is one of the most exciting things known to man. If it’s not, take my word that you need to get out there quickly and start humping like a horny hamster. The only way you can survive what comes next in life is to pound as much hot ass as you can before you cross over to the other side. And by that I don’t mean becoming a homosexual. I’m talking about stepping to the other side of a threshold that will keep your dick dry for increasin...
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That junk is for real. I don't think all the Viagra and Rogaine in the world could get me to jump on grandma up there. Funny ass stuff!
Ron Freeman
Good Stuff
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Posted: 6/15/2005 9:14:13 AM
I am in my 20's and you have made me want to end my life rather than get married. Just kidding.
Atlas
I'm in Phase 8
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Post #: 3
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Posted: 6/15/2005 10:07:43 AM
It really does exist, and they do get freaky. I must figure out a way to extend it, I know I will skip having kids and get a dog.
bryan
awesome
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Post #: 4
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Posted: 6/15/2005 10:55:31 AM
"long one in the wrong one". Can't wait to surprise my wife with that one.
The Stranger
Phase1, Phase 2, and repeat
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Post #: 5
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Posted: 6/15/2005 11:44:37 AM
i'm 23 and am in an extended phase 1-2, which kicks major ass. Probably going to call it off soon to start over with another strange before I get to dreaded phase 3. Good lookin' out.
Suckered
Phase 8.5
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Post #: 6
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Posted: 6/15/2005 12:10:54 PM
I'm a strapping young 27 year old who is in phase 8.5. Fucking phase 8.5 already! Those of you who don't know...phase 8.5 is the time when you realize your wife's Mom is psycho...fucking insane. You then begin to realize, piece by piece, comment by comment, dirty look by dirty look, that your wife will indeed turn into her mother. There is no going back. Essentially, your fucked.
Stranger, you got it...phase 1, phase 2...repeat.
Missed one
Phase 8.5
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Post #: 7
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Posted: 6/15/2005 12:16:09 PM
What about the stage where you're trying to get pregnant? During that tiem period you're having sex at least every other day. Of course you have to put up with the severe depression that follows a negative pregnancy test, but that's jsut another excuse to "keep trying". This phase can last for months and months.
Jus
Phase 12 & Phase 9.5
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Post #: 8
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Posted: 6/15/2005 12:48:55 PM
I got an email this morning that cracked me up so I thought I'd share.
"I have moved on to Phase 12: the final stage. My wife is dead and I live in a home. I am now back to getting strange everyday. Or maybe it should be called "bizarre" at this point, because nothing is weirder than knocking the dust off of some 80 year old retirement home pooter. As disgusting as that may sound, tea bagging them when they remove the dentures is the best thing in the world! Great article there, sonny! -Carl -------"
I'll agree that I probably missed a phase with the getting pregnant thing, but that is like real work as opposed to some of these phases that just happen. When she gets the baby crazies and your doctor starts knowing more about your sex life than you do is definitely another big moment in your sex life. The best thing is calling your maternity specialist and finding out from their calender when you're getting laid next. Every lazy husbands dream! Too bad it will always fall on game 7 of the NBA finals or during the Superbowl. And believe me you can't say no when procreation is involved.
Dave Coulier
Knock the dust off
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Post #: 9
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Posted: 6/15/2005 1:13:26 PM
Is it bad that I'm in my mid 20's and I've already hit phase 12. It's like a better version of phase one. I'm a bigger fan of finding those grandma's with a glass eye than than ones with dentures though. There's nothing like popping a socket!
Ghetto Bill Gates
Like a Pimp
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Post #: 10
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Posted: 6/15/2005 2:51:27 PM
There is nothing like beating up some fresh pussy. That is why I will never get married. Look, I am 25 now and my girlfriend is as well. If I am married to her when I am 38 that means my wife will 38 as well. Fuck that when I am 38 I still want to pound on a 21 year old. See my point Fuck that. Hey roomate if you see this, lets get some fresh sluts and make them fuck!
P.S. BUY that Lincoln LS fucker
Mike Riggs
Hillarious b/c its so true
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Post #: 11
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Posted: 6/15/2005 2:51:59 PM
For a 28 yr old who has been married since 21, this article is so true it is almost uncanny. One important thing he failed to mention was if your lovely young bride swallows, you can kiss that goodbye. Chances are when your first dating she won't do it. But then after dating a while there is that first time she decides to go ahead and swallow your load. Then for a while you'd swear you had vanilla pudding coming out of that thing. But alas, there will be that spell where your not getting any BJs at all, and when you do, she will avoid your manjuice likes its the plague. Of course then, your just so happy to be getting head at all, you don't complain. But then after a while of her not finishing you off, you say say hey, whats up, you had no problem doing it in the past, now you'd break your back to keep from getting it anywhere even remotely near your mouth. And then you get labeled the insensitve asshole for even suggesting she do that vile thing. Isn't love grand????
Jeff
GREAT STUFF
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Post #: 12
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Posted: 6/15/2005 4:52:34 PM
You forgot that stage where she stops supressing farts in your presence and takes dumps without shutting the bathroom door all the way. It's not as bad as the day you see her squirt a miniature Winston Churchill out of her snatch, but it's close.
Stan
Memory Lane
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Post #: 13
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Posted: 6/15/2005 5:54:30 PM
When looking wistfully back at long-ago days of bliss, there is no need to do so alone. And the scope of story hour need not be limited to activities involving your current spouse. It is in everyone's best interest to remind the "boss" (anyone who uses that term is an asshole) about the times you used to lean into your college piece every time you had a spare 9 seconds and as much privacy as a fast-food bathroom or a Porta-John could offer. It might get the Mrs. motivated, it's always good to get a little nostalgia off your chest, and if all else fails, re-living the memory might come in handy when next conferring with the old bid'ness partner.
eric
doctor love
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Post #: 14
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Posted: 6/15/2005 6:47:24 PM
Im 25 and will be a doctor in 2 years, my favorite professor gave me incredible advise..."stay single as long as you are attractive and getting patients! you will be with your wife forever and thats a really really long time"...im newly single (happened before the advising) looking forward to some "strange".
great article!
Poppa Smurf
Oh Shit!
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Posted: 6/15/2005 8:44:53 PM
you mean to tell me it gets WORSE!!! I mean i anticipated the old and busted slide at the end, and even the scheduling around kids, but I am in stage 4 and i seriously don't know if i can take a repeat of this at 30...
Gajing
ALOITWO
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Posted: 6/15/2005 8:48:22 PM
"A long one in the wrong one" is perhaps the funniest expression I have ever heard...
A WOMAN
A WOMAN
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Post #: 17
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Posted: 6/16/2005 7:28:41 PM
YOU ARE SUCH AN ASSHOLE. DID YOU EVER STOP TO THINK THAT MAYBE YOU ALL SHOULD GET OFF OF YOUR LAZY ASSES, STOP FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELVES AND INTIATE SEX INSTEAD OF COMPLAINING ABOUT NOT HAVING ENOUGH SEX. NOT ALL RELATIONSHIPS NEED TO GO DOWN THAT SAD AND PATHETIC ROAD. AND IF THEY DO, IT'S BECAUSE YOU LET THEM.
NWALover
U Know You Fucked Up Right?
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Posted: 6/17/2005 2:24:49 AM
Dude, looks like your old lady is pissed at you now. You better run out and buy some chocalate and flowers and pray to Black Baby Jesus you can get some make up sex.
Denise
Ha Ha Ha
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Posted: 6/17/2005 12:26:11 PM
This is hilarious! I have been married for a little over a year and I am twenty-four. I thought it was funny. People need to lighten up. (I read the angry woman's comment and want to give hope for some men out there.) I have noticed sex has decreased a little bit but I think that is only because I work full time and I am attending college full time. My husband works long hours too. We both started to gain a little weight but quickly remedied that once we noticed. I am happy to say I work out and am healthier than I have ever been in my life. My ass is tight, I still like kinky sex and I swallow. Sometimes you just gotta find the right one, man or female. If you get the right combination it can end up being a great thing.
Lance
Angry Woman
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Posted: 6/19/2005 4:08:16 PM
I like the angry woman. She's the type of lady that if you treat right, and do exactly what she says she'll reward you with her brand of hot love. AKA: "stirring your lunch with a strap-on 'John Holmes' dildo."
Brad
back in the swing
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Posted: 6/20/2005 12:59:37 PM
I would have to agree "long one in the wrong one" had me crying. As a former married man i can fully agree that this is as accurate an account as i have seen. recently single again at age 29, i have discovered that marriage is the end of ones life. Men were put on this earth to bang the snot out of drunk 22 year old tightbodies.
Jules
Let's do it
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Post #: 22
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Posted: 6/20/2005 1:21:13 PM
Yeah, I want to get married. But hey, how about from the girls point of view...being the single friend of married people with kids, I get first (well second) hand experience. Apparently, as a female, you don't just marry with the hopes of someday having kids, you marry and instantly recieve a brand new baby boy! Now that you are a wife, you get to cook for someone, clean for someone, wash someone elses clothes, and make him stop playing absolute poker online for like 5 minutes and go make some money! All of this occurs while you get to work full-time as well. Yeah, and sexual needs go both ways, you grunting on top of me after you have consumed 4 beers playing poker whe boys for 2 minutes just doesn't do it! Yeah, boys, sign me up...sounds like a blast.
Richard
Denise!
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Post #: 23
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Posted: 6/20/2005 2:03:47 PM
I want to fuck Denise
guy who wants denise
I want to fuck denise too
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Post #: 24
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Posted: 6/20/2005 4:53:05 PM
"My ass is tight, I still like kinky sex and I swallow. " .... have sweeter words ever been spoken????
guy
swallowing is the singe best thing a woman can do
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Post #: 25
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Posted: 6/20/2005 4:56:05 PM
Girls need to realize, that if they don't have the tight ass they once had, and you guys aren't going after it like rabbits like you used to, that the one single thing they can do to make their man totally satisfied is to swallow.
Girls don't realize how much of a difference it makes. Trust me women! It could save your marriage!
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