Posts: 38 Rank: 83
Member Since:
4/8/2007
Location:
Houston, TX
Posted: 5/14/2007
No undies here
Dear Mr. Nugent,
In response to your piece "Yourope," we would like to thank you for your submission before saying that the piece does not, unfortunately, meet our current needs. The writing is fraught with enthusiasm, but I feel it is held together by a narrative and vernacular that remains decidedly inaccessible to this editor.
You begin your piece strongly; I was particularly intrigued by your detailed account of packing for your trip. You capture the anxiety of preparing for a trans-...
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Posts: 452 Rank: 28 Joined:
4/23/2007
Location:
Jackson, MI
Posted: 5/14/2007 8:38:38 AM
or Nike, depending what line of mythology you follow, is HOT as all hell. I don't care if she has small tits! I would wear her ass as a Sombrero, so that when I am done, I can lay her ass on the ground and dance around a bitch.
Posts: 21 Rank: 84 Joined:
4/16/2007
Location:
Mumbai, India
Posted: 5/14/2007 8:47:59 AM
Ted Nugent only eats meat he killed, not McDonald's. Plus he like exotic pussy, he used to bang a Hawaaian bitch. Don't hate the Motor City Madman. It's a Free For All bitch and you just sorry you can't bang Little Miss Dangerous, like Teddy. So go put yourself in a Stranglehold.
Posts: 1118 Rank: 9 Joined:
3/13/2007
Location:
My Cubicle, CO
Posted: 5/14/2007 10:29:27 AM
"While being told repeatedly by his doctor's that if he insists on snorting cocaine to start using his right nostril, Ted's OCD would not allow him to do so."
and this article was pretty damn funny. I like that you were really willing to put in the time to look a little deeper into the works of this obviously deep and philosophical musician. I would like to know more about Ted's insight into all things. For instance, what does the nooge think about correlation between the industrialization of former third world nations and the rise in government corruption that inevitably follows. Good work Ty, and go ahead and ignore the obviously ill-informed arabian assclown.
Posts: 2 Rank: 290 Joined:
5/14/2007
Location:
Arlington, VA
Posted: 5/14/2007 10:43:47 AM
Tyler. Somewhere between the boner, the thumb penis, and the wang dang sweet poontang is me snarfing soda like a 13 yr old. loved it. Plus you cant go wrong a subject like Ted..."If you want your body to be healthier, get off the salmonella, e-coli, mad cow, assembly-line toxic hell train! God I love that statement. What did I just say?" Yes!
Posts: 1054 Rank: 12 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
two up two down, VA
Posted: 5/14/2007 11:27:57 AM
there was a period in my life that all of the bar trash i took home for 1 nighters were subjected to "stranglehold" on repeat as my musical accompaniment for the (mostly mediocre) bone-rollercoaster rides.
totally creeped them out and assured their speedy departure and no phone calls.
Posts: 1541 Rank: 6 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
New York, NY
Posted: 5/14/2007 11:30:04 AM
I must listen to this song now. I can't believe he wrote those lyrics, much less sung them.
TMAN, I think Nugent was drug-free actually if I remember his "Behind the Music" episode. I don't think he drank or did drugs....but apparently he fucked everything that wasn't nailed to the floor.
I love the strategy. What are some of the alltime worst closing songs with a chick? Some nominees:
Me So Horny-2 Live Crew Fucking Hostile-Pantera Something Tells Me I'm Into Something Good-Naked Gun Soundtrack Find em, Fuck em, and Flee-NWA One Way Out-Allman Brothers Gave You What You Wanted-Ike Turner
Posts: 1118 Rank: 9 Joined:
3/13/2007
Location:
My Cubicle, CO
Posted: 5/14/2007 12:15:41 PM
Yea I was thinking the same thing, I was just hoping nobody else new that. How about this caption instead:
"Does this mustache make my nostrils look uneven?"
Vert Game: Playing anything from Dragonforce would be a pretty good closer to guarantee it was a one nighter. No chick likes a dungeons and dragons nerd and they would probably go home and shower repeatedly a la Ace Ventura after the revelation.
Posts: 96 Rank: 46 Joined:
3/16/2007
Location:
Kansas City, MO
Posted: 5/14/2007 12:16:28 PM
is one of the scariest people on the planet. Not because he's a hyper gun toting manimal, not becuase he films every hunting situation that he can, not because his wife is a 50 something hotter than most 25yr olds.
Its because he acts like that and isn't high on anything. There's something basically wrong with that.
Psycho X blood and guts + infinity = Ted's show, Spirit of the Wild.
Posts: 1375 Rank: 10 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
savannah, GA
Posted: 5/14/2007 12:17:18 PM
the toadies - tyler ween - piss up a rope misfits - die, die, die my darling *and depending on the girl, this last one can really ruin things the outthere brothers - i wanna fuck you in the ass
Posts: 2036 Rank: 5 Joined:
2/27/2007
Location:
Ventura, CA
Posted: 5/14/2007 12:17:20 PM
I too am a HUGE fan of Mr. Nooge.
I printed this article out, took it to the shitter and proceeded to read it while I evacuated last night's chicken and mushroom soup. When I read the line "missing the "minority-free pussy" of Concord, Michigan", I started laughing out loud, which assisted in my purging efforts. Needless to say that whoever the man with the brown tasseled loafers in the stall next to me was, must have been really discomforted by the fact that I was laughing, shitting at high decibels and saying "Oh shit".
Posts: 2036 Rank: 5 Joined:
2/27/2007
Location:
Ventura, CA
Posted: 5/14/2007 12:28:36 PM
Rock N Roll Never Felt So Good - GWAR. Bloody Mary - GWAR This Love - Pantera
Lyrics to "Rock N Roll Never Felt So Good":
I met her at a donkey show. She was minutes past thirteen. Sucking on a cherry yoo-hoo. Reading "Nugget" magazine. Cum splattered tube-top. Scrawny pre-pube tits. That's when I saw she was quadraplechick. And I said "Baby you're looking good" That's when I noticed her legs were wood I grabbed a stump and dragged her out the door I need a hole I don't need no hips I laid a line of coke on her tits That's when I ripped off her dirty shit-filled drawers [Chorus:] Good, should, could, I think it feels pretty good [x2] So good, so good, so good, so good, so good, so good [x a lot] It wasn't nothing pretty, she took my genital germ Her limbless body thrashed about filled with infected sperm I criss-crossed with the cables, I smashed her face through a door They found her in a plastic bag down by highway 64 And I said "Baby your looking good" That's when I saw her legs were wood And all you people... You just can't understand I need a hole I don't need know hips I need the taste of dick on my lips I fucked her asshole with a piece of frozen shit
Posts: 279 Rank: 26 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
East Lansing, MI
Posted: 5/14/2007 12:38:07 PM
"Blood and Thunder"-Mastodon
"Curse Ye All Men"-Emperor-Nothing says "see ya later" like some Black Metal
"Hardonz"-The Left Rights:
Oh my goodness! Hardonz fuck me up! If you want to touch it, touch it, to myself! And thats-a so good! Oh no, this is very very bad It makes me huge! And now i have to go and masturbate!
Oh my goodness! Hardonz fuck me up! I said if you want to touch it, touch it, to myself! And thats-a so good! Oh no, this is very very bad It makes me huge! And now i have to go and masturbate!
The rest of us together Go very fastly forward! All over myself, all over myself I came, I came, all over myself! All over myself, all over myself I came, I came, all over myself!
I'm going to move for NIN to be stricken from this list. Those of you who, like me, have fucked to this song, know that it is gold... one of the all time best, and it doesn't freak chix out, because it got way too mainstream.
I will submit "Sunday bloody sunday", every Eminem album, ever, because the last thing you want is one of his screaming about killing the wife skits to come on during the act, and "Beat on the brat" by the Ramones. Love that song, but there's a time and a place.
