The Phat Phree is a proud member of the Crave Online advertising network
THE PHAT PHREE MESSAGE BOARD
Featured Articles > Columns Page 8 of 10
Juan Turlington Scott Player is Super Awesome-Looking Original Post
View Profile Posts: 2
Rank: 189
Member Since:  10/23/2005
Location:  Sandusky, OH
Posted: 10/2/2007

Lookin' good, Scott.
Dear NFL Fans,

The NFL season has barely gotten underway, yet all voting has been halted for the NFL's Most Awesome-Looking Player Award. Experts and fans have agreed that the race would be too one-sided and that any further running of the contest would only insult humanity and needlessly spread violence throughout America. The unanimous champion of looking awesome this year in the National Football League is Scott Player, a veteran punter who signed with the Cleveland Browns only two weeks... Read Full Story
  Sort Comments:       Filter By Rating: 
Username must be between 5-25 characters.

Password must be between 5-20 characters.
Why should I sign up?
  • Post and rate comments, participate in discussions and enter contests.
  • Keep a list of your favorite writers and articles.
  • Earn points you can redeem at Shitley's for shirts, books and more.
  • Jesus would sign up.

    Click here to sign up!
  • BN I'm back () Post #: 176
    View Profile Posts: 1255
    Rank: 7
    Joined:  12/7/2006
    Location:  TPP Island, NY
    Posted: 10/3/2007 11:01:46 AM
    I had to train a lady how to do one of my monthly assignments. 2 days left!
    Spartan Christine () Post #: 177
    View Profile Posts: 1945
    Rank: 5
    Joined:  2/27/2007
    Location:  Ventura, CA
    Posted: 10/3/2007 11:02:50 AM
    I would also like to point out that within a six word sentence, you said balls, cookie and dick.




    Just sayin'.
    The Filth Philly has a great lingerie party every Halloween () Post #: 178
    View Profile Posts: 713
    Rank: 18
    Joined:  6/20/2007
    Location:  Norristown, PA
    Posted: 10/3/2007 11:05:15 AM
    And I will be going. I will be dressed as a single man.




    Spartan Post #176 () Post #: 179
    View Profile Posts: 1945
    Rank: 5
    Joined:  2/27/2007
    Location:  Ventura, CA
    Posted: 10/3/2007 11:05:16 AM
    Would have been way funnier if you would have ended it after the word 'lady'.
    brikz Vajoina () Post #: 180
    View Profile Posts: 581
    Rank: 21
    Joined:  12/8/2006
    Location:  north babylon, NY
    Posted: 10/3/2007 11:06:06 AM
    Australian for Pussy.

    Balls, any ideas for a picture bet? Once again, I'm keeping it mild until I get a real RB back.

    Toque, acceptable. But it's gotta stay for AT LEAST a week.

    Vert, I forgot to mention that one of my friend's is currently playing for your Cowboys. Stephen Bowen, backup Defensive End. I've played football with him since we were in Pee Wee. The kid was 6 feet tall when we were 11. He used to play half back. I actually broke a finger trying to tackle him once in practice
    Arrogant Bastahhd Toque () Post #: 181
    View Profile Posts: 1221
    Rank: 13
    Joined:  2/22/2007
    Location:  miami, FL
    Posted: 10/3/2007 11:07:10 AM
    whatever you do, do not, I repeat, do not let anything near the truth slip at this alcohol assessment. You only drink for special occassions, just keep repeating that in your head. I have a buddy who said he drank maybe a six pack to a twelve pack per week. They declared him an alcoholic and he had to go to AA. You do not want this fate, there is no place worse than AA... other than jail that is. Lie, Lie a lot, You do not drink every weekend, and never during the week, not because you've chosen to abstain during those times, but just because you never think about it. Come up with some special occassion for you being so hammered at the time of your arrest. Wedding, birthday, something to celebrate.


    Lamp - fucking money! start going to auditions like that, you'll have a part in a week.

    Chrissie - we're over two weeks here. Do I need to send somebody to you to collect that bet. I do have people in philly.

    Frank - fucking stop obsessing about ranking, points and shitting already. You post once a day about that shit and it makes me want to shit in your grandmas mouth, then set her on fire. cry on your own time.

    Sparto - I still hate you and I hope that tshirt girl reported you for cyberstalking.
    ugotdorkd Anabelle () Post #: 182
    View Profile Posts: 46
    Rank: 51
    Joined:  12/7/2006
    Location:  newport coast, CA
    Posted: 10/3/2007 11:09:44 AM
    sounding like a fat kid? isnt it a little late ?
    :P class blows so im bitter right now...just saying hi
    Annabelle B. It would be () Post #: 183
    View Profile Posts: 165
    Rank: 58
    Joined:  8/22/2007
    Location:  Calhoun, TN
    Posted: 10/3/2007 11:10:29 AM
    if I was actually a fat kid...
    BearNuts Igick-style () Post #: 184
    View Profile Posts: 545
    Rank: 8
    Joined:  12/7/2006
    Location:  Interview #4: Philadelphia, PA
    Posted: 10/3/2007 11:11:07 AM
    And i don't mean dismembered and left for dead in the woods.

    I'm in the same boat with passing "knowledge" on to coworkers...

    I'm actually in the process of deciding on which new job offer i should accept which will (almost guaranteed) all require me to actually work.

    So the front runners are:
    - 25% raise, continued extensive travel (with at least 3 trips a year to hong kong), same type of shit i do now.

    - 20 % raise, fig bucking office with mountain view in downtown denver, limited travel (almost exclusively to salt lake and dallas), but different work that will require me to actually apply myself.

    What do yous guys think?
    Christine I need () Post #: 185
    View Profile Posts: 2748
    Rank: 1
    Joined:  12/7/2006
    Location:  Philadelphia, PA
    Posted: 10/3/2007 11:13:16 AM
    a killer costume for this year. Last year i was a pregnant white trash mom. I even brought fake coke that I randomly snorted all night and put fake herpes sores on my lips and tack marks on my arm. I stayed in character all night. the party was held at some dive bar and some of the regulars didn't know I was joking.

    also, balls, spart, vert, danny, brikz, tman, and SS have to give me bet ideas still. try not to be too similar.
    dc Bastards () Post #: 186
    View Profile Posts: 1155
    Rank: 15
    Joined:  12/7/2006
    Location:  Clearwater, FL
    Posted: 10/3/2007 11:13:25 AM
    Don't be shitting ugotdorkd. Are you people trying to ruin my life!!?!?!
    Annabelle B. Bearnuts () Post #: 187
    View Profile Posts: 165
    Rank: 58
    Joined:  8/22/2007
    Location:  Calhoun, TN
    Posted: 10/3/2007 11:13:37 AM
    I say 25% raise,travel, etc. Applying yourself to anything is usually a bitch.
    Annabelle B. Christine () Post #: 188
    View Profile Posts: 165
    Rank: 58
    Joined:  8/22/2007
    Location:  Calhoun, TN
    Posted: 10/3/2007 11:15:10 AM
    So you're saying you went as Britney Spears last year? Nice.
    brikz Bear Nuts () Post #: 189
    View Profile Posts: 581
    Rank: 21
    Joined:  12/8/2006
    Location:  north babylon, NY
    Posted: 10/3/2007 11:15:47 AM
    Bigger Raise + More Travel + Not Having To Do Shit All Day = No Brainer To Me.

    You are going Igick style if you have to think about that one.

    Annabelle and ugotdorked, I think this needs to be settled in a pool full of Jell-O or Pudding. Let's make it happen.
    BearNuts suddenly depressed... () Post #: 190
    View Profile Posts: 545
    Rank: 8
    Joined:  12/7/2006
    Location:  Interview #4: Philadelphia, PA
    Posted: 10/3/2007 11:15:47 AM
    I can't believe i actually solicited advice from you people.

    Toque, i had to do a alcohol assessment in college for "undisclosed activities with a regent's daughter." I said i drink on special occasions and on Saturdays during College Football Games.

    I was ordered to go to AA for 2 months...though on the bright side i hooked up two drunk chicks from the meetings.
    deuce bearnuts () Post #: 191
    View Profile Posts: 1032
    Rank: 11
    Joined:  12/7/2006
    Location:  two up two down, VA
    Posted: 10/3/2007 11:16:35 AM
    how long would you have to apply yourself for the 20% one?

    if it's only a couple of years, i say go with that.

    the 25% sounds like a "competitor" (if it's in the same field) just trying to lure you away...

    .. and fuck china.
    dc Bearnuts () Post #: 192
    View Profile Posts: 1155
    Rank: 15
    Joined:  12/7/2006
    Location:  Clearwater, FL
    Posted: 10/3/2007 11:18:39 AM
    You can't go wrong with the advice we dish out.

    I think three trips to Hong Kong a year would be a little hard to pass up, plus the pay is better.

    Jade, don't be bitter, I still love you.
    Christine Seriously () Post #: 193
    View Profile Posts: 2748
    Rank: 1
    Joined:  12/7/2006
    Location:  Philadelphia, PA
    Posted: 10/3/2007 11:21:51 AM
    Fuck china. But applying yourself sounds like you won't be around so we vote against it because we are selfish and don't care if you get ahead in life. only that you make us laugh.

    Jade, I don't care if school sucks, don't just start saying mean shit to people. Sorry DC, but she's a bitch for no reason and I think she waxes her upper lip to be quite honest.


    Spartan God bless the U.S. and A. () Post #: 194
    View Profile Posts: 1945
    Rank: 5
    Joined:  2/27/2007
    Location:  Ventura, CA
    Posted: 10/3/2007 11:23:11 AM
    Deuce - Your unwaivering patriotism gives me the same effect as 20cc of black tar heroin. Thanks.

    Bearnuts - Take the 20%, stay home, settle in. Getting a job that requires you to apply yourself is only demanding for the first few months (as long as you are not T-Bone). You should have it down pat after a couple og good solid months and will be back on the boards in no time. Plus, you won't have to travel, which I can tell you hate doing.
    Take my advice, I mean, look at the great choices I have made in life...
    TM Bearnuts () Post #: 195
    View Profile Posts: 1084
    Rank: 9
    Joined:  3/13/2007
    Location:  My Cubicle, CO
    Posted: 10/3/2007 11:23:16 AM
    Simple, if you want to stay single/non married go with the Hong Kong option, otherwise go with limited travel. Your future wife would make life hell when you are home for always leaving if you went with the Hong Kong gig.
    vertigo dang () Post #: 196
    View Profile Posts: 1167
    Rank: 4
    Joined:  12/7/2006
    Location:  dallas, TX
    Posted: 10/3/2007 11:23:55 AM
    Not much insight on halloween costumes, I'll try:

    Christine and CuteBoy: Britney Spears and Kevin Federline
    Tom A: Roger Federer
    Deuce: Scott Player
    Toque: Joe Nash
    AB and his honeys: Hefner and Girls Next Door trio
    Digger and youngblood: Jay Z and Beyonce
    thefilth: Colin Powell
    DLamp and his girl: Ryan Seacrest and Paula Abdul
    sirpetergoesinya/date: Mike Gundy and Jenni Carlson
    Balls and ex-girlfriend: Ty Webb and Lacey Underalls
    BDC and date: Nicole Sheridan and Voodoo
    Charlie DeMarco and wife: Trump and Miss America
    ugotdorkd: Miss Teen South Carolina
    Tman and wife: Marc Antony and Jennifer Lopez
    Shartan: Freddy Endo
    Calhoun: Carrie Underwood









    dc Christine () Post #: 197
    View Profile Posts: 1155
    Rank: 15
    Joined:  12/7/2006
    Location:  Clearwater, FL
    Posted: 10/3/2007 11:24:52 AM
    Just because you are unhappy and alone doesnt' mean you have to destroy my once chance at love. She could have a box beard and it wouldn't change my mind. It's not like Annabelle is a sweetheart.


    I'm pathetic.
    Jackson Pollock The problem... () Post #: 198
    View Profile Posts: 129
    Rank: 14
    Joined:  5/11/2007
    Location:  St. Louis, MO
    Posted: 10/3/2007 11:25:31 AM
    With an Arrogant Bastahhd post is they usually have some funny shit in them, sound advice, maybe even stuff that makes you think, "That AB isn't such a dick after all." But eventually you'll get to the end and think, "Man, that AB is such a dick." I tip my imaginary hat to you AB. Your consistency is impressive.

    Oh, and to beat AB to the punch, the problem with Steely Dan post is that they're never fucking funny.

    Bearnuts, 20%, big fucking office.

    Vertigo, those guys are house rockers.

    "Well the danger on the rocks is surely past
    Still I remain tied to the mast
    Could it be that I have found my home at last
    Home at last"
    ugotdorkd anabelle () Post #: 199
    View Profile Posts: 46
    Rank: 51
    Joined:  12/7/2006
    Location:  newport coast, CA
    Posted: 10/3/2007 11:26:00 AM
    im sowee, and DC i still heart you.
    deuce nuts () Post #: 200
    View Profile Posts: 1032
    Rank: 11
    Joined:  12/7/2006
    Location:  two up two down, VA
    Posted: 10/3/2007 11:26:59 AM
    didnt finish explaining myself-

    the reason the "competitor" one sucks is because now, despite a raise (that you probably could get 75% of at your current employer to stay) you are now the rookie. regardless of how many people you have working under you, the opportunity for conflict & resentment (which could end up fucking you in the poop-factory) is very high.

    and seriously, fuck china. get on the most crowded elevator you can imagine, for the next 35 floors, & add about 2 more people per floor.
    welcome to china.
    < Previous Page 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10  Next Page >


    Visit these friends of
    The Phamily for more laughs...

    Oscar Shitley’s

    Modest Proposal

    The Phat Phree on MySpace

    Gorilla Mask

    Tucker Max

    Maddox

    College Humor

    Fark

    Crave Online

    Modern Drunkard

    WWTDD?

    Phamily Business Sites: The Phat Phree | Oscar Shitley's | Look At My Striped Shirt | Phamily Business Entertainment
    Wanna Get Involved? Advertise With Us Found a Bug? Contact Us SwearTracker 3000
    Become a Member
    Apply to be a Writer
    Link to Us
    The Phat Phree is a proud member of the Crave Online Advertising network.
    For information, click here.
    Report a Bug
    Report Copyright Violation
    Contact the Editoral Staff
    Contact Phamily Business
    The Phat Phree is now proudly serving 3900 instances of the term: Suck.