Yes, I got married. Thanks for the congratulations, but please let me stop you before you ask me if it feels any differtoo late. Well, allow me to respond here so that I dont have to waste another breath answering this idiotic question.
First of all, fuck you.
Secondly, no, it does not feel any different. Aside from this ring on my finger and a ten-day vacation, everything is exactly the same as it was a few weeks ago. What exactly do you suspect might feel different? My wifes vagina? Well, not that that is any of your goddamn business, but it also feels the same as before.
Do I feel different? Emotionally? Is that what you are asking?
I sincerely hope that this is not what you mean. Do I look like a woman? No. Who asks an adult man how he feels? Do you ask a retard what he thinks?
If you are a man asking me the question, sack up and say what you mean; do you regret it? The answer to that question is no. I dont regret it. If I didnt want to get married, I wouldnt have done it. I am not a pussy like you are. And if you ever ask me how I feel again, I will slug you in the guts.
Now women, I know why you ask. You like to humiliate men in public by asking them how they feel about things. I get it. We make more money than you and are better at sports, so you talk about emotions, get fat and cut off your hair.
The truth of it is that men all feel the same thing when their wedding is over: relief. Thats right, and any man who tells you anything different is liar, or worse, a pussy that has been broken like a tamed circus elephant. We are just glad that no one had to die, and we hope that there is enough cash in the envelopes to cover the cost of all bullshit we had to pay for.
The thing that really frustrates me about this question is that it's utterance proves that you and I dont really have anything to talk about. Otherwise you wouldnt lead off the conversation with such a stupid fucking question. Where are we going to go from here? I am going to say, no while I imagine burning your face off with a flaming log, and then there will be an uncomfortable silence. You will then follow up with an equally inane question, or you will congratulate me again and walk away. Lets skip to part three, and you can just walk away. That way I won't hate you later.
But seriously, thank you for the set of pewter teaspoons. They will go great with the napkin rings and the cheese tray. In the garbage.
so... Posted: 10/22/2005by: homeland_AR15 so do you feel any different? Um, Charlie? Posted: 10/16/2005by: c Anger IS an emotion. Sure, it's a shallow one that usually masks deeper pains and, especially, fear, but it is an EMOTION, and if you're sent into paroxyms of rage over an irritating social custom like asking if somebody feels different after a birthday, marriage, graduation or removal of an appendix, than you are a certified emotional train wreck and can now apply to join The View as the first male cast member.
The good news? Anger, and masked pain, are the bedrocks of most of history's funniest comedy. And you are a good writer. Mazel tov! And then... Posted: 10/16/2005by: c ...it's really fun after you divorce when they ask you, "Are you OK?" with these watery, pity-filled eyes.
Then you'll really want to strangle somebody, no joke. Cash registry? Posted: 10/14/2005by: Rob I am getting married at the end of the month and we have been swamped with stuff off the registry that my fiance wanted. We need to start of registry that just takes cash donations...or people can get on and donate money to a cause...like a big screen. Dead On Posted: 10/13/2005by: Illiquidcool Hahaha! I lauged my ass off! Good article - the quote:
"Do I feel different? Emotionally? Is that what you are asking? I sincerely hope that this is not what you mean. Do I look like a woman? No. Who asks an adult man how he feels? Do you ask a retard what he thinks?"
is now my away message! Nice! How sad,see a shrink..no really do it Posted: 10/13/2005by: Maria Charles DeMarco I feel sorry for whoever it is that you got married to.You clearly don't deserve it. "Who asks an adult man how he feels? Do you ask a retard what he thinks? I guess not.What's the matter,you can't voice your opinion at home,so you come here to do it?And what's with this 'i'm not a pussy crap?Why,have you always been told you were?Perhaps by a woman?Maybe a fat woman,who had short hair who didn't respect you?Hey charles...how do you feel now that you're married...seriously,don't be a pussy,tell us. Seriously Posted: 10/12/2005by: Andy I know a couple that registered for 10 different sets of 10 glasses. From flutes to pint glasses to tumblers to red to white to...are there any other kinds? That's 5. What other 5 kinds are there?
Our kitchen is hooked up like a restaurant. I might as well be Emeril.
And people don't do the collaborative BIG gifts b/c they want the couple to see how much they gave. Selfish pricks. Give us the MONEY!!!!! Thank fucking god, I'm not alone Posted: 10/12/2005by: Sean I got married in august and I can't count how many people have aswked me that stupid fucking question.
That said dude - I know its too fucking late now - but gift registers. My wife and I had been living together for a year before we married and both of us have been living away from home for a fair goddamn while. We didn't exactly need toasters or champagne flutes. I'm still pissed at my relatives for ignoring the unsubtle hint that they should all join hands and hook us up with a bigscreen plasma. You forgot... Posted: 10/10/2005by: soylent green What about those "shrimp forks" you got? The next time someone hands me one of those I might just stab them in the eye... If you need a fork to eat shrimp (you got fingers, use them... unless they are stuffed up your nose or ass), then you can at least use a salad fork for christ's sake!
And wht the fuck is a guy to do with 12 different cut glass vases, bowls and picture frames? next time, just give me the fuckin' cash and save me the trip back to the mall. Christine = Atlas? Posted: 10/10/2005by: Joe I think you forgot to switch your name before posting.
Atlas Posted: 10/7/2005 by: Atlas You're a dick. ...
