Life is great, but it sure does suck sometimes. Knowing this fact, how is it that so many people consider themselves to be optimistic? Likewise, whats with all these devout pessimists? F-that. Lifes all about balance. I for one consider myself to be an optimistic pessimist- I really hope things will work out, but I know they probably won't. If youve ever bought a lottery ticket, you know this feeling.
People always ask if youre a glass half-full or a glass half-empty person. I myself am a why the fuck do you care kinda guy, but thats beside the point. However, if I were to answer that question, Id have to say I fall into more of a the glass exists and it seems to have some liquid in it category. If I was thirsty I would hope that liquid was water, just as if I was feeling dry I would hope it was Vodka, but somewhere in the back of my mind, I always suspect it is poisoned.
So what exactly is the worldview of the optimistic pessimist? Well, lets take a look at a few real-life subject matters and the corresponding viewpoint of the optimistic pessimist, who for the remainder of this article will simply be referred to as the OP, and see what we find.
WAR
It is said that in war there are no winners, only losers. The OP both agrees and disagrees with such sentiments. On one hand, many lives are lost and countless others destroyed. However, it is a form of population control and tends to stimulate economies, so whos to say? All the OP knows is that it is better to win a war than to lose one.
MARRIAGE
The OP believes that soul mates do exist; however, he also knows the statistical improbability of such an encounter and, coupling those numbers with todays divorce rate, isnt holding his breath. The OP is intrigued at the possibility of sex every night, but concerned with the reality that it is going to be with the same person.
ALCOHOL
Being wasted is sweet, being hung over is not. However, since the OP typically lacks self-control, the optimistic half tends to take over in the early stages of alcohol consumption, with the pessimistic half often coming out later in the night. All philosophies are then expelled the next morning along with a bacon-wrapped hot dog that was consumed at 3AM.
TERRORISM
We killed a bunch of them, but the OP knows that in doing so we pissed off a bunch more. Now he must not only worry about the threat of a dirty bomb, but must also ponder what exactly makes up a clean bomb.
THE ECONOMY
One down, one million to go.
The OP knows that over time the stock market always comes out ahead of any other investments that is, until he puts his first dollar into it. Until then, hes content to simply keep all his money in a shoebox in his closet where it will be safe that is, until his house inevitably burns down.
GUM
The OP knows that gum, like so many things in life, is good at first but then just loses its flavor and becomes a worthless annoyance.
DEATH
Science has come a long way and there is reason to believe that someday they will find a way to make people live forever. The OP believes this day will come exactly one hour after he dies. He also loves the idea of dying in his sleep but is deeply confident his death will be excruciatingly painful.
TRAFFIC
Traffic always sucks. There is no reason to ever be optimistic about traffic. It will not subside, ever. The OP hates traffic.
POLITICS
Politicians have the power to change society, right wrongs and help make the world a better place. But, as the OP knows, they also have the power to take kickbacks, inject good legislation with partisan pork barrels, and indulge in expensive prostitutes and blow in extravagent hotel suites on the taxpayers dime. The OP knows which one hed choose.
NIGHTLIFE
The OP knows he might get laid, but he also may contract a STD. Still though, he might get laid.
You say you do, but you don't.
THE CUBS
Fans of The Cubbies are the unofficial kings of optimistic pessimism. While they once shared this honor with Red Sox fans (who went from OPs to P-R-I-C-K-S in the blink of an eye), they now stand alone a few paces ahead of Clipper fans and anyone who roots for a professional sports team based in Ohio.
These are but a few of the viewpoints that reflect the optimistic pessimist. There are many more, but it probably doesnt matter. Anyhow, youve got this guide now, and if youre an OP or if you know an OP then hopefully this helps you... but it probably won't.
Thanks Tom Posted: 3/1/2006by: Christine We weren't that close so I feel that entiles me to joke and be an asshole. Sometimes I think god forgot to install my soul. The only good thing is that I get a new dress out of the deal. OMG!!! What's wrong with me. There are about 18 people in my house talking and mourning and i am writing cruel comments on tpp. I think I might be the epitome of the Target, Observe, Ridicule mantra. At least it will make charlie smile. Christine Posted: 3/1/2006by: Tom A I thought hte same thing, and have been hummin that travesty myself.
P.S. sorry to hear about your grandma, and her timing. The Lead singer Posted: 3/1/2006by: Atlas of Naughty by Nature does porn now. And as you know Christine, knowing is half the battle. Optimistic Pessimist's Property Posted: 3/1/2006by: Christine OPP how can I explain it. . . .I take it frame by frame it.
Sorry. . . . .I really need a nap. And now that song is stuck in my head. right on Posted: 3/1/2006by: deuce tom a - i cant believe some of the stuff they get away with in that show.. good times
atlas - well done. So I guess we all agree Posted: 3/1/2006by: Tom A damn, that's boring.
I hate the Yankees and the Red Sox. They suck. He who wins Posted: 3/1/2006by: Atlas the war writes the books. Yes, textbooks are very biased. Yes the government helps subsidize the economy during times of war, and tht is the kick in the ass the economy needs. I suppose you could look at it as some sort of twisted social program, like the useless public works projects FDR came up with except even more effective. Another plus is it usually spurs on technological advances nuclear power, jet engines and such. Nasty side effect is that a lot of people die, that sucks. Fair Enough Posted: 3/1/2006by: Tom A "War of Northern Aggression" - sweet. Did you ever see that Family Guy epsiode, "To Live and Die in Dixie," where there's a reenacment of the War of Northern Aggression"? Hi-larious (entire epside, IMO).
I remember talking with some limey some years back, and he referenced "The Colonial Rebellion." Took me a minute to realize he was speaking of "The Revolutionary War."
Everyone's got an angle.
I prefer curves. tom a - Posted: 3/1/2006by: deuce ha! almost caught me.. i used "textbook" to mean common knowledge.. they're all equally biased i think.. but usually when somone sends you a link to site/article/book it more than likely is quite agenda driven.
(when i was in school, we learned about the war of northern agression) My Two Cents Posted: 3/1/2006by: Tom A It is really a question of defining your terms - what do we mean when we say "war stimulates the economy"? If we mean creating jobs and increasing manufacturing/production, then, yes, I would say war does stimulate the economy.
If we mean creating these jobs and production without signifcant governmental debt which is, some would argue, just a form of socialism, then I would say, no, it doesn't stimulate the economy (not in any real sense - it sort of like saying you stimulate your own, individual, "economy" by getting a new credit card - or several).
Also, I thought I detected the implication in previous comment that textbooks, unlike other books and websites, are not biased. If I read that right (and pay ne heed if I didn't), I couldn't disagree more. I do not know if it is still the case, but back when I was in grade school and high school, I NEVER read word one about "the Viet Nam Conflict" in any history/social studies textbook.
