That's right baby. There's plenty more where this came from.
One day, it just hit me. I was tired of American women. They’re all so spoiled and stuck up. They all have this sense of entitlement like we owe them something. And so, yes, I’m completely done with them.
European women? Uhhh, don’t think so. Did you ever see "Joe Millionaire 2"? No? Well, you’re not alone. It was a horrible failure. However, I did see it, and those women are just Americans in training. Ah, next please.
Asian? Australian? Antarctican? No, no and gross.
So what’s left? Not much. I was starting to think that my resolution was just a ridiculous cry of frustration. I’d be back, and these girls knew it.
And then I met my present girlfriend. She’s from a little Third World country called Zimbukalacrapastan or something. I don’t know. Don’t care. All I know is her name is Dysenteria and she is wonderful.
I remember the day we met. I was walking to work through the hustle and bustle of midtown Manhattan, thinking about my predicament and the paucity of suitable women. From a distance, I heard for the first time that sweet chirp. “You have quarter? Nickel? Penny? So hungry. So hungry.” I approached. Her filthy, frail fingers were holding a used Starbuck’s cup that was practically falling apart and she was gesturing passers by to add what change they could. Her hair was matted and dry, her clothes were shabby, and she was a bit hunched. But on that pleasant June day, the sun illuminated not just her exotic face, but more importantly, the realization that this girl was not like other girls. Or should I say high-maintenance, American girls. Here, perhaps, was my “fair lady” or that filthy whore from Pretty Woman.
This is Feecal, her best friend.
When I mustered the courage to speak, I went up to her and dropped a five-dollar bill into her cup. She was dumbfounded by my generosity and I think she thought that I wanted to buy her. Anyway, to press the point, I dropped my favorite line, “Hey baby, are you some kind of thief? I think you just stole my heart.”
Turns out that made things a bit awkward because in her country, thieves have their hands cut off. So she started running. Eventually I caught up with her and explained myself. After a few more moments of clearing up some cultural misunderstandings, we finally agreed to meet for a date.
Well, to make a long story short, we’re closing in on our year anniversary and I am in love. But how does she feel about it? Why don’t I have her tell you?
Dysenteria?
Dysenteria honey, come here. Tell the good people about us.
Oh, ok. Mr. Matt let me sleep in house and not with dogs. He give me all the rice I want. If I need a button, I don’t need to dance for it. Mr. Matt don’t make me fight chickens for corn. If my leg is seen naked in public, he don’t cut it off and beat me with it. For birthday he give me, giving certificate for wonderful place they say it call Cosco. Yes, Cosss Co. Only in America can there be magical papers that allow me to get brushes and brooms for cleaning. Oh, he let me use a, ah, how you say, toilet. So many wondery things Mr Matt give me.
Oh Dysenteria, I love you too.
So guys, there you have. Like that old song goes, “If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make an American woman your wife."
Matt you know how I feel Posted: 6/29/2005by: iwooda beetchorass To WAFA below me - SHUT THE FUCK UP - you are a disgrace - why are you even on this site HOW DARE YOU!!! Posted: 6/28/2005by: WAFA THIS STORY IS RIDICULOUS AND COMPLETELY ERRONEOUS.YOU WISH THAT YOU HAD A WOMAN FROM A THIRD WORLD COUNTRY. I ALREADY RECOGNIZED WHAT AREA OF THE WORLD YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT.....THE MIDDLE EAS T " in her country, thieves have their hands cut off" OR "If my leg is seen naked in public, he dont cut it off and beat me with it ".THEIR WOMEN HAVE TOO MUCH DIGNITY AND SELF RESPECT TO LOWER THEIR STANDARDS AND BEG ON THE STREET OR ASSOCIATE WITH AN IDIOT LIKE YOURSELF. THEY ARE MUCH MORE CLASSIER AND HONORABLE......ON TOP OF THAT ONCE THEY REACH THE USA FROM THE THIRD WORLD COUNTRY.....THEY WORK THEIR WAY UP FROM "REAL EMPLOYMENT"AND WOULDNT THINK TWICE ABOUT COMING TO THIS COUNTRY AND BEGGING ON THE STREET LIKE YOU INDICATED.......WHICH IS MORE THAN I CAN SAY FOR SOME PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!! UNFORTUNATELY YOUR ANOTHER IGNORANT AMERICAN.....WHO PROBABLY DIDNT KNOW WHERE AFGHANISTAN WAS UNTIL THE WAR STARTED.SO SAD......YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF AND TRY TO UNDERSTAND THEM BEFORE POLUTTING EVERYONE ELSES MIND WITH YOUR IGNORANCE!!!!!!! ONE MORE THING ..FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHAT HAVE THESE THIRD WORLD WOMEN DONE TO YOU THAT MAKE YOU DEGRADE THEM .I CAN UNDERSTAND THAT YOU ARE ANGRY AT AMERICAN WOMEN FOR HOW THEY ARE BUT YOU SHOULD TURN AROUND AND GIVE THEM A TASTE OF THEIR OWN MEDICINE INSTEAD OF GIVING THIRD WORLD WOMEN A BAD REPUTATION... Posted: 6/10/2005by: A-Dub I liked the article. Why? Because I wasn't reading it on www.policallyfuckingcorrect.com. Had I been, I would have been upset.
Have you seen the content on this site? Very fitting.
ROCK ON MATT! Funny Posted: 6/10/2005by: John You know what, there is funny, and then there is this. Mocking poverty only to point out how shallow westerners are (or can be) is just not funny maybe up until... Posted: 6/9/2005by: Richard ...the girl talks. cut that out. deters, not adds.
R You Have More Research To Do Posted: 6/9/2005by: Rob Dysenteria is near the women you could have found if you'd gone to the Third World and hand picked one. Sorry Matthew, you missed out. Thank you Nick Posted: 6/9/2005by: Maria I know, I have a good sense of humour and I did commend him on the humor, but I can't help but think that way....I know he did not want to be mean!!! More Satircal Than Outright Mean Posted: 6/9/2005by: Nick Maria, I think what's going on is not so much knocking people in the Third World but what the First World has reduced the Third World to. Mr Matt is making himself look like a shallow American. debela123 Posted: 6/9/2005by: Maria Hilarious, but I come from a thrid world country and I think it was pretty derogatory to comment on our poverty like that. I think American men are totally spoiled and non-chivalrous....but i have met a few good ones, who don't go...Uh! UR Right Posted: 6/9/2005by: Joe Zillionaire American women are indeed stuck up and selfish.
