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by: MIKE POLK
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Sweet Relief
GARFIELD HEIGHTS, OH- The engine trouble of local motorist Tim Logan’s 1993 Chevy Cavalier was rectified this afternoon when the savvy car owner turned up the volume of his cassette tape deck.

The increased volume of the factory-installed system effectively drowned out the repetitive screeching sound that undoubtedly indicates a complicated and expensive issue.

The Afflicted
Logan, who has no formal training in the art of automotive repair, views this as an acceptable, though admittedly temporary fix to a larger problem. “It sounds like it might be a loose belt, or maybe it’s the alternator,” speculated Logan, “Hell, I don’t know. But I do know that I don’t have the fucking money to fix this shit right now.”

Logan says that he plans to address the issue as soon as his finances allow. “Jericha’s (Logan’s sister) boyfriend’s dad has a shop, and even though I think he mostly does body work, I’m sure he could figure this shit out. And he probably won’t charge me out the ass either.
   
Until then, Logan plans to adhere to his approach of overpowering the unpleasant noise with music. “Hey man, as far as I'm concerned, as long as all I can hear is Soundgarden then we have no problems.”
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SHIRT OF THE MONTH
Shirt of the Month

We Coulda Had Him Tee

"Hey, man, we coulda had him. Hey! We coulda had him, man!"
"I will fire when I'm goddamn good and ready! You got that?!"

Look At My Striped Shirt - The Book
COMMENTS  1-10 out of 22 Post Comment Message Board View
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Hmmmm What the fuck? () Post #: 1
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Posted: 9/27/2005 1:04:20 AM
Am I supposed to laugh at this article? That was horrible.
greg bad () Post #: 2
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Posted: 9/27/2005 7:51:04 AM
this is bad. not sure if monkey's have taken over...or thephatfree is getting lazy.
slammybar super-shitty () Post #: 3
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Posted: 9/27/2005 9:42:44 AM
This is the same Mike Polk who wrote the high-school football story? I don't think so...
J-Smoove Promising start... () Post #: 4
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Posted: 9/27/2005 9:49:52 AM
but this article still sucked. Plus its like half a page long. Seriously dude, why'd you even bother to post it? What a half a$$ job!
Cameron 0 for 4 () Post #: 5
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Posted: 9/27/2005 9:54:55 AM
That's 4 bad articles today. You know it's bad when my favorite article of the day is about boxing.
Guava WEAK () Post #: 6
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Posted: 9/27/2005 11:16:06 AM
CRAP, SHIT, GARBAGE, BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH.

You know what? The grass on my front lawn was getting really long, so I pulled down the window shade so I couldn't see it.

Come on Mike, you're better than this!
Andy Hmmm () Post #: 7
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Posted: 9/27/2005 11:26:02 AM
Quite similar to a few Onion articles. Lame and derivative, I say.
matt Polk () Post #: 8
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Posted: 9/27/2005 12:29:47 PM
Granted I didn't write it first, but my friends and I have been using that line since highschool. The reason we didn't write it, too prosaic.
HMK Oh God! () Post #: 9
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Posted: 9/27/2005 12:38:48 PM
Gay, gay, gay!
Stu * Applause * () Post #: 10
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Posted: 9/27/2005 12:40:03 PM
Wow! I thought Polk was untouchable! Give him a pass on this one folks, he deserves one get out of jail free card. - Looking forward to what's next.
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