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Synergize this
Hey junior V.P.s, the key stakeholders in this corporation wanted me to touch base with you about this weekend's challenges. I understand you've got a lot on your plate but we're going to need to take this offline.
I am going to download our action-item list for you to make sure you're online with our corporate vision. I hope that most of you are still on your starter marriage because we need to reinvent the wheel. Here are the next steps.
Friday Evening
I know some of you body Nazis have to work out, but I'm going to need you to show some initiative and get to happy hour by 6:00 PM. This establishment offers soup to nuts, so we can hop on the fast track to inebriation.
Let's keep the powder dry on this one, but last week Tom and Chuck pulled a turnkey program on that blond intern after feeding her about ten ultra lights.
Now you Sitcoms are going to want to get back home after happy hour so you can connect with little Johnny and your elderly dying father. However you'll never make partner with that type of attitude, so I suggest you start thinking outside the box and try to leverage a position with one of the girls in accounting.
The financial freedom you're offering your wife and children is a deliverable that requires you to put in some extra time with the team. Also, I'd suggest just pulling the plug on your father so you can take some clients to the funeral. The sentimentality will make them loyal to you. Besides, your father's friends have probably passed on, so you'll need a few pallbearers anyway.
Friday Night
Give her the ol' blackberry thumb
After happy hour we're going to circle back to the club and try to create synergy with some of the glass ceiling daydreamers. Some of these girls are real plug-and-play, so if you ping some of them, you might hit a home run.
Last week Dan hooked up with a major account, and before he knew it, he was in the restroom giving her his Blackberry thumb. I'm going to need someone to step up like Dan did and be a key enabler this weekend.
Later in the night some of you may be glazing, so remember to stay sharp. We don't need any member of our team accelerating our strategy and connecting with a low hanging fruit. It's in our shareholder's vision that we remain the best in breed. Therefore, at closing time, let's touch base and head over to the East Side before we get into a disconnect with any V.P.s from other firms.
Saturday Early Morning
The East Side is a real growth industry so there's a possibility for some of us to have a convergence on a proactive portal. The East Side has a strong portfolio of brands, so I hope all of you have completed your diversity training because we don't want any objections due to our organizational behavior.
Best of breed
Remember that these are places of business, so be a good corporate citizen and bring plenty of yuppie food stamps.
I didn't want to get into any war stories, but last weekend I was showing this entertainer my bandwidth and it dovetailed into her connecting with my soup to nuts. She was a real plug and play body nazi and before I knew it, we were on the fast track to hitting a home run.
I was pinging her with my low hanging fruit and preparing to download on her face when the club's key stakeholders circled back to the private dance room and leveraged their corporate vision on me. They dragged me offline and pummeled me with strategic ubiquity until I was glazing. And let's keep the powder dry on this, but I think she gave me a case of deliverables.
Posts: 154 Rank: 76 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
Capital of Awesome, IA
Posted: 1/30/2007 9:22:13 AM
and tell it to the newbies here. They already think that I'm some sort of alcoholic, so this will just reinforce that belief. They'll go ahead and let the higher ups in on what I'm telling them, and the legend of T-ray will grow that much more....I like it.
Posts: 3005 Rank: 6 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
New York, NY
Posted: 1/30/2007 9:53:49 AM
I just smiled and nodded the whole time this went on hoping I got the bigger point. I loved it. I'm usually thinking inside the box too much. Time to expand my jargon.
Posts: 1476 Rank: 17 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
savannah, GA
Posted: 1/30/2007 11:35:49 AM
about the blowing of the load. i imagine that this should be looked upon as the crowning acheivment of a stripper's life. what with being either a white girl on welfare with bad coke habit, a black girl going to college and paying the bills by catching dollarbills with your asshole or being an illegal immigrant making bodily payments for that wonderful trip across the desert in the back of a semi-trailer, nothing could be finer than spackling the pussy-roof with man-caulk through sheer will-power alone. ungreatful bitches. it makes me question their commitment to excellence. are they in heat for me or for mr. washington?
ps. i think it had more to do with the shorts than the wood. that and the fact that mr.cricket was peeking out from the tunnel. apparently that breaks the "no touch policy". just goes to show that quality of american psuedo-whores will never match the entertainers of tijuana. andale y ariba indeed.
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