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Posted: 12/31/2006
As a special treat for everyone who is stuck at work this week, here is one the best pieces from the book, "Look At My Striped Shirt!" In addition to this classic piece from The Phat Phree, there are more than 50 never-before-published essays from some of the funniest writers on the site.
Whoever wrote this is obviously jealous of what guys like us have rightfully earned. I worked hard in school and at my job to reach this position in life, and I won't be shit on by some self-effacing little prick that probably hasn't seen pussy since childbirth. Sure I drink Redbull, sure I like golf, of course I have a few expensive striped shirts.... I'm not ashamed of my success. Try making a dollar someday. It feels pretty damn good, fuckface.
Lex DeNovo
AHHR
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Post #: 102
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Posted: 3/21/2005
A very hard roll. And very personal.
Pat
next time
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Post #: 103
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Posted: 3/21/2005
Great article, but can you write one about everyone who wears black t-shirts, ripped jeans and patched-over messenger bags and thinks he/she is totally unique? Then THOSE people can take it way too seriously and get overly offended while the striped shirt guys can go on about how they hate ALL of these "anti-establishment loser vegan fags". It'll be great- total war (and of course by 'total war' I mean a bunch of empty threats posted semi-anonymously on a bulletin board). PS- I live in a nudist colony and therefore have no ties to either side.
Conrad
sucka
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Post #: 104
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Posted: 3/21/2005
Well said, except for the part about going to denny's in the morning with fucked up hair, and a wrinkled ass stripped shirt, withn untied shoelaces and a sore back from sleeping on god knows what, only to be told how many people that you drunk dialed at 311 am , to "to come original to come original"
Fat Chick Playboy
RIGHT ON TARGET!
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Post #: 105
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Posted: 3/21/2005
Dead on like my dick in a fat chicks as$. Richard Thornmeiger is a f*cking complete BOOB! Carry on.........
Casey
hilarious
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Post #: 106
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Posted: 3/21/2005
this is too funny. i can attest to the definite existence of guys like these. i especially love the line...
"I'm thinking about buying a boat this year!"
Classic.
Duane Valencia
Really?
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Post #: 107
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Posted: 3/21/2005
Those Gyros are very good, don't talk shit...
poonhound
I banged Richard Thornmeiger's girlfriend
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Post #: 108
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Posted: 3/21/2005
The title says it all!!!
Richard,
I boned your girlfriend on your boat, in your striped shirt. Tell her thanks for breakfast when you see her.
LORDBAMM
Hot Stripped Shit + Alcohol = Much Pussy Tonight
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Post #: 109
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Posted: 3/21/2005
This was totally hilarious, sounds like a page out of my book being that I too am a big beliver in the fact that a hot stripped shirt = Much Action. Dude keep up the good work We need to party sometime I show you how to get the Phat girls to come home and swallow your gyro.
Stripped Shirt RULE.
Brad Thompson
Feels Good To Be King...
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Post #: 110
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Posted: 3/21/2005
Dig it bitch. This is how we roll in the dirty-dirty. You know I got my wife-beater on under the stripes. Untucked. Kenneth Cole belt matching my KC shoes. Sleeves rolled up like the Fugees, "...ONE TIME....". Fuck the Rolex. I'm rocking the Nixon tonight.
Left pocket on my jeans full of c-notes by the layer. Got the bills with the big faces wrapped around my ID, Corporate AmEx and the handful of biz cards you know I'll be handing out tonight. Back pocket rockin' the WInter Fresh Gum. Sparkling white teeth alone won't cut it. Gotta be fresh when you post up on these tricks.
Shall I take the Jag or rock the company car? Fugg it. Rolling with my crew, better take the 5 seater.
Fuck that line. You know we're VIP. RED BULL and VODKA darlin'. Make it a double. And a round of bombs. Bring it, don't sing it.
See you at the club motherfucker.
By the way........WHICH WAY TO THE SQUAT RACK?????
SR
Better than AA
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Post #: 111
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Posted: 3/21/2005
Wow. That hurts. Thank you for the tough love I needed to get my life back on track. For now on, it's square patterned shirts, Megatouch at the bar, Appletinis, and chicken souvlaki. But I'm still gonna show my business card to fat chicks, because Junior VPs need loving, too.
poonhound
thanks
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Post #: 112
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Posted: 3/21/2005
To LORDBAM Thank you for the nice reply, but I don't need someone to show me how to pick up the PHAT chicks, because I know how to pick up the FAT chicks. I've been drunk and doing it for years. The POONHOUND has this name for a reason.
I don't need a striped shirt or a rolex, just overconsume alcohol and lack of effor on the shorties.
And to Brad Thompson, You don't have a Jag.......... You are a Jag-off
Blue
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Post #: 113
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Posted: 3/21/2005
it's about to start raining both shit and glory. wow that is one metro sexual ass shirt though, i think it is completely relavent, mr f'n GQ,
your level of prime time desire makes it harder for the rest of to add notches to our belts
"But I'm still gonna show my business card to fat chicks,"
-hilarious, we call 'em slam pigs or snow cones in the D
Detroit
J Dizzle
Profound
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Post #: 114
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Posted: 3/21/2005
Damn Mike! That was so right on! I was laughing out loud at work reading it. I unfortunatley know a couple of ass-clowns that you described above! Hilarious!
OliveAddict
Bravo
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Post #: 115
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Posted: 3/21/2005
Bravo!
Jus
Fuck All Y'all
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Post #: 116
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Posted: 3/21/2005
First off, striped shirts are cool, and if any of you actually wore one you'd find out that you really could get laid. Second, Jager bombs are cool. You get stupid drunk and you feel like you could lift are small car. Third black t-shirts are sweet especially if the have pockets. It's honestly a wonder any of you guys ever get laid. Think about it... You know how often women say "All the good men are gay!" So why not be the straight dude with the striped shirt, the 6 pack abs, the gelled hair, the toned skin, and the designer shoes. Yeah that's right, I shop at Express Men. I use an avacado facial treatment every morning. I wax my chest and pluck my eyebrows. I wear italian loafers and flat front slacks that are the right size. And guess what... I get laid from a different girl every night. So what's wrong with my striped shirt now?
clockworktomato
Congratulations
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Post #: 117
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Posted: 3/21/2005
This is the most successful channelling of Bret Easton Ellis I've seen yet. Two parts American Psycho, one part Rules of Attraction, down to the razor-blade wrist slitting. All you need is a mention of the American Express Gold Card with which that fucking amazing striped shirt was purchased and I'd swear you were Ellis in disguise.
Stoecklein
stud boy
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Post #: 118
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Posted: 3/21/2005
Whoever wrote this is just jealous of me and my buddies who steal all the hotties. Go back to drama class nerds.
-The Steckster
BlueSteel
Will the REAL Stoecklein please stand up?
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Post #: 119
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Posted: 3/21/2005
On 3-21 someone named Stoecklein posted a response. Who is he? I am a Stoecklein and need to get to the bottom of this. Ain't like we have a name like Smith or something. By the way...this striped shirt bit is absolutely dead on. Hilarious. But truth be told, I look fucking amazing in anything I wear.
San diego
was that an autobiography
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Post #: 120
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Posted: 3/21/2005
I think it was.... Or it was a biography on me and I appreciate it.
BDC
DOH!
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Post #: 121
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Posted: 3/21/2005
MY SHIRT, MY SHIRT, MY SHIRTS ARE ON FIRE, WE DON'T NEED NO WATER, LET THE MUTHERFUCKER BURN, BURN MUTHERFUCKER, BURN!!!!
phil
wow, original
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Post #: 122
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Posted: 3/22/2005
way to go buddy. you sucessfully whined in a sarcastic enough voice to make people think you are cool. you're as big a tool as the guy in the striped shirt for bothering to actually write this. did your mom bring you a gyro while you were sitting at your computer in your room, and that's what made you think of gyros?
Money
Allan
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Post #: 123
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Posted: 3/22/2005
This guys reminds me of Allan O!!
Fat Chick Playboy
Jus and Steckster ease up
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Post #: 124
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Posted: 3/22/2005
Jus U dress and act like an italian homo to get laid.......and a different girl at that every night.....yippie. Anyone can make themselves up that way if they so choose. .....your a chump. I bet every girl U lay wants your deep pockets and not your short dick. Steckster.....just shut the hell up. Your name says it all..........like Stiffler but with a horrible twist.
James Snodgrass
Coordinate
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Post #: 125
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Posted: 3/22/2005
My brother says striped shirts are only as good as the pintstriped pants into which they are tucked, and the brown tweed sport coat under which they rest. And you know what? I agree.
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