Posts: 6 Rank: 161
Member Since:
4/8/2007
Location:
Converse, TX
Posted: 8/30/2007
During last week's Miss Teen America pagent Lauren Caitlin Upton, Miss Teen South Carolina, unwittingly became an internet sensation when she stumbled through her answer to a question about American's lack of knowledge about geography. If you haven't seen the video, check it out below. It'll make your day.
It got me wondering how would Lauren fare with other questions? Was this just a freak accident on the part of her brain cells or is she honestly that fucking stupid? Well wonder n...
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Posts: 689 Rank: 18 Joined:
6/20/2007
Location:
Norristown, PA
Posted: 8/30/2007 10:07:57 AM
I support a great deal of her positions. And anything that makes fun of pagents is great in my book. To me they are on the same mental level as carnival freakshows.
Posts: 256 Rank: 29 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
East Lansing, MI
Posted: 8/30/2007 10:27:31 AM
Man I read that sentence and the answers kept rolling out of me like poop from a newly penetrated virgin's butthole.
"Because they're Asian." "Because their squinty eyes can't see shiny things like metal." "Because they just died in a car crash due to lackluster driving skills." "Because Kia stock has plummeted for some reason and the cars were returned." "Because they use them for chopsticks."
Posts: 452 Rank: 26 Joined:
4/23/2007
Location:
Jackson, MI
Posted: 8/30/2007 10:48:22 AM
I personally, would rather 100% of them could not find their keys. Those fuckers shouldn't be on the road. They scare the hell out of me. Double whammy if it's an asian woman.
Posts: 2748 Rank: 1 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
Philadelphia, PA
Posted: 8/30/2007 11:07:12 AM
Great job, mr garrison. I give a shit that's she's not bright. For the last 50 years, everyone says that pageants aren't a beauty competition. that's it a scholarship program. this bitch is not getting a scholarship because of her brain.
I get that you guys wouldn't care because she's ridiculous hot and disgustingly young, but could you honestly tolerate being around someone like this for more than 3 hours?
Posts: 234 Rank: 28 Joined:
5/31/2007
Location:
Gilbert, AZ
Posted: 8/30/2007 11:19:24 AM
Could I be around a woman like that for more than three hours? ABSOLUTELY! I could spend three hours just with the ol' "touch your elbows behind your back" game.
That gash became the third funniest woman on the face of the earth behind Sarah Silverman and Christine Hoffman.
Posts: 1516 Rank: 4 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
New York, NY
Posted: 8/30/2007 11:26:35 AM
She's too easy of a target and she's taken a beating all week already. And something about ripping apart a 16-year-old doesn't sit right with me. And I think it's pretty hypocritical of us to make fun of her while millions of people tune in to watch "The Hills" and "Newport Harbor." At least the stupidity displayed by the beauty queen was spontaneous.
Posts: 1252 Rank: 8 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
TPP Island, NY
Posted: 8/30/2007 11:28:48 AM
I could be around her for 25 minutes after that her heads in the trophy case and body is burried throughout the WNY region. For the fuck of it i'll send her brain to [insert good med school here] for examination.
Posts: 2748 Rank: 1 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
Philadelphia, PA
Posted: 8/30/2007 11:34:46 AM
Speaking of Hole and dumb girls. My friend, we call him Jaws, had his girlfriend in his phone under "hole". This is how he always referred to her, "my hole". I dared not tell the girl, who I knew, but not as well as Jaws. plus, Jaws was crazy. He once punched a horse in the face for no reason and nearly dropped it.
somehow, the girl found out that "hole" was her name in his phone. he never told her what it meant. my friend kerrie asked her why one day and what it meant and she answered with, "oh, I think its because I'm his everything, his world, I make him hole".
Posts: 452 Rank: 26 Joined:
4/23/2007
Location:
Jackson, MI
Posted: 8/30/2007 11:36:19 AM
I would put her brain in the black market if I were you. Hardly used brains like hers go for big bucks in the market. It probably still has that new-brain-smell along with the low milage.
Posts: 256 Rank: 29 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
East Lansing, MI
Posted: 8/30/2007 11:41:38 AM
Since I can say without a doubt that this girl is in my general age range, and I've found that the best way to deal with their airheadedness is to fuck with them; case in point, I managed to kill 2 hours describing fake merit badges to a girl who had the I.Q. of a cement brick, such as build-a-bear badge, counter-terrorism badge, and advanced lovemaking skills. It didn't get me anywhere, but it was amusing none the less.
Posts: 234 Rank: 28 Joined:
5/31/2007
Location:
Gilbert, AZ
Posted: 8/30/2007 12:00:13 PM
Christine - you better hope someone from PETA doesn't goggle "horse punched in the face". They could hunt down Jaws and pressure the Philly DA to seek a death penalty.
Stiggs - merit badges? For what, Boy Scouts or something? Maybe...just maybe she was thinking, "Who the fuck is this toolbox and why is he talking about merit badges and does he think I'm going to fuck him? I'm going to act stupid and see how long he goes."
The fact you didn't get any play after two hours seems to suggest this is a good possibility.
Posts: 120 Rank: 14 Joined:
5/11/2007
Location:
St. Louis, MO
Posted: 8/30/2007 12:58:31 PM
Tang and Balls get more slit on their tips than you could handle! Their smooth talking and fly moves have got them so much wool they could knit a sweater. These guys know women. In fact, most gashes are just aching to spread their gamy meat curtains around these studs' bitch sticks after just a few words. They pity us, and rightly so.
Posts: 2748 Rank: 1 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
Philadelphia, PA
Posted: 8/30/2007 1:01:24 PM
He's been in jail quite a bit and now he's on drugs pretty bad. He once told his girlfriend to stand in a square piece of sidewalk and not move for 4 hours and she listened (it was rumored that he hit her. they are no longer together). He also took the label off his beer bottle and stuck it to the ground. the first person to step on the label as they walked by got punched in the face. and he really punched them in the face. and no one would do anything except say, "dude, you're an asshole". he was nuts.
Posts: 234 Rank: 28 Joined:
5/31/2007
Location:
Gilbert, AZ
Posted: 8/30/2007 1:23:27 PM
Congrats on your merit badge collection.
You wouldn't have been accurate with your post a month ago - but after the IDATE with Emirhan and his point on retort on this very message board I decided to contact him on improving my game. Now I go to bars, "do it up", buy a bottle of champagne and....well.... the rest pretty much unfolds exactly as you describe.
Posts: 1252 Rank: 8 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
TPP Island, NY
Posted: 8/30/2007 1:28:05 PM
Do i really seem like the type of person that is in it for anybody but me? I didn't think so.
BN Moves: Bust on stomach, tits, back, face. throw towel on them tell them to clean up. walk to shower tell them i don't expect them here when i'm done.
