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Posted: 6/10/2005
Criminal behavior and its causes have long been debated by scholars and laymen alike. Is it born or learned behavior? Nature or nurture? While there are many theories, answers are hard to come by. I personally don't give a shit. All I know is there are an assload of shady characters in the NFL, and they have provided us the opportunity to compile and All-Criminal team for the ages. On this list there will be no Honorable Mention. You the reader will be responsible for that in the comment section...
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Honarable mention only because as soon as he was drafted by Cleveland he couldn't wait to commit his first armed robbery/home invasion. Hmm? Weed or make millions of dollars in the NFL? This guy had great potential to make your list. ::Side note:: Pharms went to the same high school as Rae Carruth.
SB
Jeremiah Pharms
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Posted: 6/10/2005 8:36:57 AM
(correction)
Fbiguy
Coach Switzer
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Posted: 6/10/2005 9:24:10 AM
Don't forget good ol' Barry, he 'forgot' his handgun in his luggage! It's a toss up though, since I don't believe he was ever really charged with anything.
Joe Mama
More NFL Felons
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Posted: 6/10/2005 9:59:51 AM
Great list! Here's a couple more from my home state of Missouri: 1) Leonard Little (DE-St. Louis Rams) -killed a woman in a DUI in 1998 (completed probation for involuntary manslaughter) -arrested again for another DUI last year, but apparently found not guilty (still not cool, considering most people wouldn't get drunk and go near a driver's seat after a fatal DUI).
2) Eric Warfield (CB-Kansas City Chiefs) -3 DUI's in 4-year span (though DUI's are not as brutal as wife-beating or coke, still dangerous).
Keep up the funny shit, Scott! Joe
Joey Slotnick
[No Title]
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Posted: 6/10/2005 10:07:48 AM
What about Hitler? He was an awesome criminal (awesome or awful?) Plus, word is he had a terrific curveball (terrific or terrible?)
Phil
Najeh Davenport
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Posted: 6/10/2005 10:27:17 AM
You need a Fullback and who better then Najeh Davenport. Any one who "drops the kids off" in some random girls laundry basket should be on this team
Coyote Amigo
Michael Westbrook
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Posted: 6/10/2005 10:30:49 AM
He punched out teammate Stephen Davis for making fun of his sexuality, no big deal right?... while Davis was nursing an injury and standing on crutches. He has since quit the NFL to fight in the burgeoning capuata circut against Jarrod Bunch of the Giants... that should atleast get him a special teams spot? 3rd receiver? he has the dirtbag potential to help this team... good stuff Scott...
BK
Randy Moss
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Posted: 6/10/2005 10:36:57 AM
Running over a crossing guard on purpose with a blunt burning in the ashtray is a pretty sweet move if you ask me. I think he got a slap on the wrist and gave some weak public apology. Bench worthy though
Josh
Cole Ford
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Posted: 6/10/2005 11:07:21 AM
Former Raider kicker accused of shooting at Siegfried and Roy's mansion in Las Vegas. 'Nuff said.
Rich
Best one ever
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Posted: 6/10/2005 11:15:20 AM
Keith Mallard-DL MN Vikings
After crashing his car into a hardees police came to arrest him on DUI charges (yawn). But what he said to them makes it the greatest. He resisted arrest and when the police drew there guns, he claimed "My arms are stronger than your guns"
Tim
new members?
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Posted: 6/10/2005 12:15:42 PM
I think that Koren Robinson would make a fine addition to this team. Tons of potentail and a unquenchable thirst for alcohol. Recently, he told the Seahawks he was going to quit drinking and clean up his act (suspended for 4 games last year for violation of the NFL's substance abuse policy). Days after making this statement, he's charged with DUI and reckless driving. Seattle cleaned out his locker and sent him on his way. That's the kind of deceit this team needs!
Honorable mentions: Ricky Williams and Onterrio Smith
Also, please consider Barry Switzer as assistant warden or promoting him to warden. Look at the gang of thugs he let run wild at Oklahoma U. His players' charges including B&E, theft, domestic violence, possession of a firearm (and shooting a teammate), and rape. Switzer himself was charged with illegal possession of a firearm at the Dallas-Fort Worth Airport. He's got my vote!!!
Ted
Another Vote For...
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Posted: 6/10/2005 12:45:54 PM
Onterrio Smith. I mean, the guy has the "Whizzinator" to mask his piss!! While it's not double-murder, that's gotta at least get a spot as a backup.
William Green. A DUI and a domestic violence spat within a month's span. Not too mention, when he got pulled over with the "dewy," he was shirtless and was wearing one shoe...while riding on the rim of his truck...nice work Willie.
Kevin Mack's crack habits, and Ross "Jager Bomb" Verba's rape habits...just figured those two needed a shout out....
MEH
Couple things
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Posted: 6/10/2005 1:01:58 PM
First, this isn't complete without mention of Todd Sauerbrun's steroid purchase. I mean, what, he coudn't bounce the ball on the sidelines hard enough?
Secondly, can you imagine how many times they've had to reschedule a Wall of Fame ceremony at Carruth and Pharms' high school? "Wow, he's in the NFL, let's put him up...wait, never mind..."
Excellent work...well researched and well written...
jim r
vermiel
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Posted: 6/10/2005 1:15:29 PM
Can we put in Dick Vermiel as a crime against nature for crying at the drop of a hat
Rich
Dexter Manley
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Posted: 6/10/2005 2:38:50 PM
Things you're sure to see each year: Spring, Summer, Winter, Fall, and a jailhouse interview with Dexter Manley where he proclaims he's "determined to turn things around."
Rocksoff
Herpes?
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Posted: 6/10/2005 3:01:04 PM
Can we add Ron Mexico as the team's sexual icon? I know he didn't commit a crime, but we should try to keep the name alive as long as possible.
rich lather
Should have been Schlichter
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Posted: 6/10/2005 3:03:41 PM
While Todd Marinovich does have drug problems Art Schlichter should have gotten the nod at starter.
He is facing 20 years in jail after being charged with: 1) money laundering 2) illegal gambling while he was in prison 3) driving a car at a motorcycle police officer after a routine traffic stop in Columbus 4) three felony counts of misuse of a credit card and one felony count of grand theft.
this guy should definatly get the nod over "ROBO-QB" proving that Todd is not even good enough to start on this fucking team
Mike
Just a Guy
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Posted: 6/10/2005 3:32:01 PM
Sean Taylor for rookie of the year.
He must have known this feature was coming out because he made a hell of mark last week by drawing a firearm on some fellas he thought stole his ATV's. While Eugene Robinson's is as ironic as it is funny, young Sean did not wait long to be noticed.
Joey Slotnick
Yeah, but...
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Posted: 6/10/2005 3:38:07 PM
Hitler is responsible for the murdering of six million Jews. AND his curveball drops from 12:00 to 6:00! Maybe not exactly 6:00, more like 6:38. And his fast ball was oven hot! Ooops bad analogy!
Thomas
Don't Forget
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Posted: 6/10/2005 3:45:00 PM
Najeh Davenport (Green Bay Packers) broke into his girlfriends room at the Univeristy of Miami and took a crap in her laundry basket. While not as outstandingly violent as some other crimes, it does have a certain flair. Special teams star?
Matt
Honrable mentions
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Posted: 6/10/2005 4:41:51 PM
I would also like to nominate Warren Moon for QB, I beleive he liked to use his wife's face to release frustrations, an Kevin Mack RB for the Browns, I do not remember how many times he got pulledover and wasa coke head
Jimmy Johnson
Mr.
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Posted: 6/10/2005 5:07:24 PM
Can I add Butch Davis to my coaching staff??? He has never had a problem bringing in a criminal if he was fast and he saw him when he was at Miami. Gerard "Big Money, No Game" Warren arrested for drugs and guns, Mike Sellers arrested for drugs, Jeremiah Pharms, high draft pick, never even made it to camp, got sent to jail days after the draft for drug related robbery and assault, O.J Santiago arrested for drug possession, Lamar Chapman, drug possession, Ross Verba and his "rape house," William Green arrested for DUI and wife stabbed him, Ben Gay, too many problems to list, the list goes on and on from Cleveland Browns to Miami Hurricanes
VL
Not a criminal, but ...
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Posted: 6/10/2005 5:55:19 PM
Darren Jones, 23, DB, from Compton. Expected to make a CFL roster, but showed up with a bullethole through a bone is his arm. He may not be a criminal, but at least he'll be at home with this team.
Maybe not All-Criminal Team, but that's still pretty bad-assed.
kbiel
Switzer
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Posted: 6/10/2005 6:46:33 PM
Why choose JJ over Barry Switzer? Switzer earned his credit the old fashion way, paying these overpriced criminals to play in OK for him. Then, after having a hand in killing the SouthWest Conference and being banned from coaching himself, he gets the gig at the Cowboys! Bonus, Switzer known to carry his own weapon, even on when going out of town, hence his "misunderstanding" at DFW airport where "accidentally" tried to take his gun through security in his carry-on bag. While those security screeners can tell the difference between a middle-east terrorist and a whitebread grandma from Minnesota, they can certainly spot a criminal...er...employee of the NFL a mile away.
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