Is there a more hilarious phrase then the one uttered by women while you are hooking up within a few hours after meeting? Ive never done this before? Really? So I just met you at the bar a couple of hours ago and I am the smoothest motherfucker you have ever met. That must be why Im banging you on the lawn in front of the geography building in the middle of campus. Im glad that this is the first time youve taken some random guy home and blown him. It makes it so special. Im glad youre not slutty. I cant believe my natural machismo is so overwhelming that it caused you to lose all your inhibitions and now Ive got you in the dog. Could this be love?
Please. To the ladies out there, lets stop with that charade. Id hate to break up the mood by busting out in a fit of laughter after hearing that phrase again. Do you think I need to hear that you dont go home with random guys? I dont. As a matter of fact, I dont need to hear anything. You could hold an entire conversation about how you think the spirit of your dead cat Mittens is trying to channel itself through me and I wont care as long as were in the middle of hitting it. Call me your old boyfriends name and it still doesnt matter, but drop the ol I cant believe Im doing this. Ive never done this before and were liable to have to stop so I can catch my breath after a fit of laughter.
Really, its just a waste of time. Plus, it requires me to come up with a response. What am I supposed to say at that point? Me neither. I know you dont. Are you talking? Besides this can be a detriment to you. Now instead of concentrating on the task at hand, I am now required to divert some of my attention towards speech. And if that happens I can guarantee that the person receiving less attention will not be me. I will be getting mine. So if you want to get yours youre going to have to lose the feigned innocence.
Perhaps deep down you need to say this to convince yourself you are not a whore. There are, however, plenty of other folks that you can tell this to so as not to subject me to another rendition. The cab driver that takes you home in the morning would love to hear it. That will certainly help pass the time and break that uncomfortable cabbie/passenger silence. Get all Stuart Smalley and try and convince yourself in the mirror that you arent a dirty dirty girl. Tell your friends, they know you best and will certainly get a good kick out of laughing at this behind your back. But please dont keep telling me this. I get it. Youve never done this before.
I just heard this Posted: 8/9/2005by: sharky from STEVE's sister after I threw it in her ass. It was hard to concentrate with STEVE crying in the corner though. What a pussy. 15 minutes later... Posted: 8/9/2005by: PSN ...this has never happened before. I swear! But I just happen to have some viagra, my boy Chad totally was handing them out at the bar tonight. Let's try it. Cool? oh yea Posted: 8/8/2005by: suck it you don't normally give it up, but tonite you are. yes it's true, my game is that good. of course. it happens all the time.
you normally tell guys to fuck off all night in hopes of giving your number to the cute guy who finally came over to talk to you. then you make him wait a few weeks because you don't want to seem slutty because he's so hot!
but tonight, i am so fucking hot that you totally disregard all of your normal behavior patters and decide to let me turn the pussy out. i've got one thing to say:
fuck yea. i am the man tonight. just don't keep calling me. really, it's annoying you following me around town asking for my cock in front of everyone. get over it. and by the way-thanks for being such a slut. "I'm not going to have sex with you tonight" Posted: 8/8/2005by: Hines Every time a chick said "I'm not going to have sex with you tonight", I knew I was gonna get laid. It was a given. She just had to throw that out there to test me, but veteran in me always knew to hold out for a few hours. Yeah right, sure we're not gonna have sex. fuck you Posted: 8/8/2005by: funsuck This site is totally only put on here for fucking guys. All you nitwits who comment are fucking guys. I keep trying to get into this site, keep coming back, because of a couple good articles, and then all you fucking asses ruin it by only putting up articles for GUYS. I AM SICK of never having anything good in the world section by a girl. Maybe you can all get your whore jokes out of your ass and start writing something funny for the rest of us out here. how about that?
fuck you. Crystal Clear Posted: 8/8/2005by: Punk Thanks for clarifying and validating some information about yourself:
Your mom is a whore that sucks dick (perfers retards you say?) That explains why you are so fucking stupid.
You don't have any friends or have ever had sex (which I guess was made painfully obviuos by your listings on the 50 people.)
Thanks dude. Congarts! with the above information you are a certified first class cocksucker. Like mother like retarded gay son. me too Posted: 8/8/2005by: Sure... I love it when they say that and before you know it they are licking my ass and I cum all over their face! One reason Posted: 8/8/2005by: Truth It's a formality. We know you know we're lying. But somewhere in the back of your mind, buried beneath that awesome catch you had in the 8th grade, 129 hours of girl-on-girl porn, a 4-inch layer of dip spit, and 26 years of buffalo wing residue...you want to believe us. Gimme the line Posted: 8/8/2005by: Anony-HO-mous never heard it before. And that # has been VASTLY underreported, & you never knew the difference, because you were one of the "special ones" who I waited 3 months for.
Love, A Too many? Posted: 8/8/2005by: Friendly Listen,
Have fun, ladies, but remember that you're eventually going to have to tell your future (and ideally long-term) boyfriend/husband the number of cocks you've seen/fondled/crammed into your hole(s).
College skankdom is fantastic, but we don't want to marry one of its citizens.
I think we've all seen Clerks and remember that great line.
