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The Day the World Died
Courage. Bravery. Heroism. These are words to be used for soldiers and Kellen Winslow. So when my paper had the huge headline, "Requiem for a Hero," in the sports section the other day, I figured it was a follow-up on Pat Tillman. No, it was a story that Barbaro had died.
Sweet loving Jesus, people! It's a horse! I remember when Barbaro pulled up lame at the Preakness. The only question in my mind was if they were going to shoot him there on the track or take him out back. I was stunned to hear that they were making efforts to save him, and glad he was going to maybe live to see another day. I realized that the only reason they were going to any trouble for this horse is that any investment in his medical care would be paid back hundreds of times at stud. As long as he could use those legs to prop himself on some filly's back, and his horsecock was still working, he was worth the trouble.
Then the stories started pouring in about people praying for Barbaro, people writing tributes to Barbaro, people writing cards to Barbaro. CARDS! What did these people do? Go to Hallmark and ask the overly chipper lady for "something for a horse who's recovering from surgery"? Search on Blue Mountain for "Horse that should have been shot"? Dear God, even Mr. Ed couldn't READ!
Now don't get me wrong, I love animals. I'm not one of those people who think that they're only good for burgers, belts and glue. I have two cats, and they're great. I'd be sad if they died. You know why? They're MY freaking cats! I have lived with them for years, seen them grow old, have a relationship with them that goes beyond watching them for 5 minutes on TV. I'm willing to wager that half the people that sent cards to Barbaro haven't written to their own grandmother in years.
Let me set something straight here... Barbaro was a horse... Not a former president. Not a published author. Not a scientist that cured a disease. Not a Scientist that DIDN'T cure a disease. Not any kind of scientist at all... He was a HORSE! A FUCKING HORSE!!!
How about a modicum of perspective here! I'm sure the sports writers can sum all this up nicely. (These are ACTUAL Quotes) (I say again these are ACTUAL Quotes)
Jay Cronley - ESPN.com Barbaro's death is not for the sports pages. It goes on page one and also Editorial. People who haven't been to a horse race in their lives feel undone by the loss.
Oh... Page one Jay? Really? This story belongs on Page one? I was thinking we'd run with "Midtown Rapist Still at Large" or "Genocide Raging in Sudan" but ok... I see your point "Nation Mourns Dead Horse" it is.
And Jay, for all those of people who "haven't been to a horse race in their lives" why don't you tell them how great going to the race track really is? Like say go to one yourself on a NON-derby day. I know whenever I've gone to a race track it's been filled with desperate old drunken junkies who seem to collect there like blowing pieces of garbage in an abandoned amusement park. Wow... Magic!
In Your Lifetime You Will Earn Half of What This Cost
Harvey Araton - New York Times "Why this national obsession with Barbaro? Maybe, as the fallen champion, the horse was reminiscent of a country that was seriously wounded on 9/11 and has been wobbly ever since."
Are you... Wha....? 9/11?
9/11 was a terrorist act that killed thousands of people. You are writing about a dead horse! On the National Tragedy Scale A Dead Race horse falls somewhere between The Knack breaking up and The Guy that did Tony The Tigers Voice dying...Tony The Tiger being MORE tragic.
Associated Press "Well-wishers young and old showed up at the New Bolton Center with cards, flowers, gifts, goodies and even religious medals, and thousands of e-mails poured into the hospital's Web site. The biggest gift has been the $1.2 million raised since early June for the Barbaro Fund, money to be put toward needed equipment such as an operating room table and a raft and sling for the same pool recovery Barbaro used after his surgeries. There's even talk amongst Kentucky Derby organizers of some kind of funeral parade and viewing."
How does one grieve and keen over a horse? How long do the flags have to stay at half mass? A week? Two? Should I pull the kids out of school? Oh God! The Kids! How am I going to tell my kids? Do you remember where you were when you heard that Barbaro died?
Was Barbaro some kind of wish granting unicorn? You know the kind that you'd find airbrushed on the side of your uncle's conversion van?
Barbaro was a pet! A pet that made money for the millionaires that owned him...for the millionaires that raised him... and the millionaires that sold him to the millionaires who bought him later. I'm sure the poor family that owned old Barbaro will just have to find something else to do. Like pour millions of dollars into one of their other 300 horses.
Now available at Walgreens.
I will say this about Barbaro. For his last few months on this earth he was living pretty large... He didn't have to pull a plow. He didn't even have to walk. He just would lay there in a sling, eatin his oats and getting his dick sucked. (They used his semen to impregnate other horses) Granted he was getting head from some kind of Horse semen device. Still, he didn't know the difference.
He was, after all, a FUCKING HORSE!
Written by Mike Hagges and Jim Fath. Illustration by Patrick O'Connor.
I am so sicking of hearing about that horse on tv, especially ESPN. Next people are going to freak out when Santa's Little Helper dies. He was a great racedog at one time, before Homer bet on him.
Posts: 915 Rank: 7 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
Rock Hill (sucks), SC
Posted: 2/2/2007 9:41:52 AM
This is something that needs to be said on the national stage; i'd love nothing more to see a rational person on larry king talking with some insane horse lover. And by talking, i mean off the handle mockery and verbal abuse. ...now that'd be classic television.
Posts: 1069 Rank: 20 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
two up two down, VA
Posted: 2/2/2007 10:01:45 AM
awesome.
agreed on the inclusion of the sports writers quotes. but cut them some slack... its a slow news week, it's not like the GOD DAMNED SUPER BOWL is this weekend or anything..
I am already so sick and tired of SB coverage, I'd almost take more Barbaro coverage. Almost. The thing is, during SB week, NOTHING ELSE MATTERS! NBA? NCAA basketball? Might as well take the week off. Hockey? Well, there could me a moritorium on all other sports and nobody would care about hockey. Anyone see the list of the shows that outdrew the NHL ASG? Including what was on H&G? Think they're rethinking their idea to strike? That was a winner.
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