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Anatomy 101
The hospital is filled with women. Young, nubile candy-stripers. Twenty-somethings, fresh out of nursing school. Cougar divorcees that just want something that doesn't run on batteries. It's a veritable cornucopia of poontang. Just having a (relatively) disease-free penis puts you in the running to crush some pussy.
The candy-stripers will give it up just because you have a car, can buy booze, and have your own place. These girls are easily impressed and thrilled that they attract the attention of an older man. These girls are easier to close than a car door. Just don't get caught getting head in the supply closet on the 5th floor. (She said she was 18 - how was I supposed to know. Not like I'm checking IDs here.) Expect missionary and girl on top with this type. They don't really know any better, and it's your job to teach them the 'spinning piledriver'.
New nurses are some of the easiest girls that you will ever meet. They are trying to find their place in the pecking order of a new "scary" hospital, praying that they don't kill anyone, all while dealing with jealousy and venom from their much older counterparts. Why you ask? Because women; vindictive by nature, go out of their way to make life for the newbies miserable. These new nurses are frightened and looking for the comfort that their daddies never gave them. That's where that minor in Psychology pays off and BAM! You're giving her a little bit 'o half, half, whole in the on-call room.
They are in their early 20's and looking to party. Most of these girls have yet to exercise their 'naughty nurse' role playing so they're primed. Also, being one of the few straight men gives you a HUGE advantage. Think about it like this: Let's say your office is a bunch of middle age women and there is a secretary or something who's fresh out of school and would be like a 6 if you were out at the bar. Well, since there is little to compare her to she becomes a 7 or 7.5 and totally bangable under the right circumstances. For instance, say your office Christmas party in the copy room after your second Jack & Coke.
Let's say there are a group of young nurses that are 7's & 8's and there is you, a normal looking dude who would be banging above his station with some of these women, but since you are one of the few straight guys you are much more appealing. Now if you show interest in the 7's, the 8's will almost be tripping over themselves to flirt with you. Winner - Murse. Expect doggie and lots of it, especially if she's sporting the 'tramp stamp'. Some will also blow you at the drop of a hat. I'm serious - go to your local hospital and just throw a hat. See what happens.
Then we have the divorcees. Or 'cougar' to use the parlance of our time. They are a nearly endless supply in the hospital setting. You can fuck and forget these women without fear of damaging your "rep". A hospital is a gossip mill, and these women are well aware that any and all sordid details of your illicit, freaky circus sex will "make the rounds". They will keep it on the down-low because as much as they may resent you post coitus - they don't want to hear about it from their "peers".
These women are also the most sexually adventurous/nurturing ones you will ever meet. These are the slam-pigs you can three-hole after a bottle of wine and will make you blueberry pancakes in the shape of Mickey Mouse in the morning. Provided the kids are with their dad. Just watch out, because she might try to slip you a backdoor knuckle ball while you're rummaging through her gut locker if you aren't careful. Not that I know from experience or anything, but consider yourself warned.
Hepatitis & you
Above is just a general overview of the types of kitty available age wise. There's also subsets of women that are categorized by some of the different professions associated within the medical field: There are phlebotomists - girls that take blood, sometimes your semen. X-ray techs - you don't need a machine to see my bone darlin', just boobs. Ambulance drivers - most of them are turbo dykes but the hotties fuck like they drive, who ever gets there first wins. The GED girls in patient registration - they have an IQ just a few points north of functional retardation, but they screw like it will increase their station in life. Nurses aides are there for the banging, but they're kinda like your indispensable sidekick. It'd be like the Green Hornet fucking Kato, just awkward for everyone and the masks are kinda ridiculous. And in very, very few cases: The hot female doctor.
Yes, the hot female doctor is quite a rare catch. It's like bagging a unicorn, liger, or equally gay fictional character. You really want to mount her over your fireplace. For the those scoring at home: medical students count, but you only get partial credit. It's kinda like calling your bank shot. A physician's assistant is kinda kosher. An intern is the sweet spot, but the occasional residents that are available is truly where it's at.
You know the scene in 'A Few Good Men' where Nicholson's character is talking about how nothing is sexier than a woman you have to salute in the morning? "If you haven't gotten a blowjob from a superior officer, well, you're just letting the best in life pass you by." Holds true in the hospital setting too. There's nothing like calling her, 'doctor' during the day and telling her she's a 'naughty girl' while she's riding you reverse cowgirl, sporting pigtails, and shouting, "Fuck me Daddy!"
But, my personal favorite is the traveling nurse. The traveling nurse is not to be confused with the agency nurse, which in my experience is to be avoided like a half Black, half Puerto Rican chick (just trust me on this one - they're like the horses only Indians can ride).
The agency nurse lives in your town, she works as a stop gap fill in at multiple hospitals in the area that are understaffed, and - you ever hear the expression: "She's been fucked more times than she's had hot meals"? Yeah. Also, she's usually a gossip, will more than likely be fucking multiple guys at different hospitals but pretend she's single, and probably give you a social disease (Tonya - if you're reading this I just want you to know that you're the Whore of Babylon and if I could have my copy of The West Wing season 2 back that would be great)
You're almost out of uniform.
But the traveling nurse. Oh how I love the traveling nurse. The traveling nurse will come into town like Mary Poppins with a stethoscope and a sex drive for six months at a time and leave town just as easily. Basically the traveling nurse hook up is like the summer camp romance but with more oral sex and sodomy. Well, not Bible summer camp, but you get the gist.
Generally the traveling nurse is in her mid to late twenties, from a small town and wants to see the country and check out a bunch of metropolitan cities before settling down. She wants to see the sights and night life your city has to offer and you're just the one to show her around town, your penis and then your bedroom ceiling. You both know it's a fling, promise to keep in touch as you drop her off at the airport and never call her again. The worst you can expect is a stray email here or there to which you just drop the "I met someone" card. Problem solved.
So there you have it. While being a Murse may be an emasculating profession to most - it's afforded me more opportunities to get my dick wet during my 20's than I would have had if I'd been an office worker or cubicle drone. So TPP Faithful - give us your best workplace related hook-up, or regale the rest of us with a tale of romantic woe as a result of shitting where you eat.
Posts: 2987 Rank: 10 Joined:
12/28/2006
Location:
Sylacauga, AL
Posted: 6/9/2008 11:44:09 AM
Don't read this. Never shit where you eat. Never mind. I've lost you.
Toque, I loved it. Very informative and a lot of great lines. My numbers are pretty good with that profession. I think I missed my calling as a murse. Well worth handling a whino's poop on occasion to have access to that sort of killing field.
Great article.
I had a couple summer-job coworker hook-ups, but that doesn't count. I have no adult workplace bangs. I had an "almost" with an intern which was the best thing I've never done. Even the near miss was disastrous.
Have to say though, you bang a Tonya then no crying.
The best I've got is a secretary I tossed while working at the Fed and my bosses assistant at my current job. First thing he says to me after I meet this sweet young thing: "Flash, please don't fuck her until we're done with this project."
Noted, but all bets were off after she invited me to her 4th of July party.
"Hey, we getting lunch today?" "Um, today isn't good cutie. Feel free to shout at me friday night around 8pm though"
"The board agreed unanimously that Kimberly had nailed her interview."
"The most popular proctologist in Dayton Ohio."
"Carol's husband felt like she might wear too much makeup to the office, but ultimately enjoyed his BMW so much he never really questioned her about it."
"One of Jerry Falwell's cures for homosexuality."
"Vertigo, I'll do the sexy nurse shit but why did we have to put on the cheesy arm tattoo?"
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