Use the form at the right to log in for more options.
Actress Felicity Huffman announced today that she will not be returning to the show “Desperate Housewives” next season, citing a desire to spend more time with her dignity. Huffman plays harried suburbanite Lynnette Scavo on the popular drama.
“The decision has been building for a while now,” Huffman said in a press release. “Ever since that flap about the commercial with Nic and the towel, I realized that I was involved with a show that had me drifting further and further away from my self-respect. Then, last week I was reading in InTouch Magazine about how I apparently don’t respect Eva because she used to be on a soap opera, and I suddenly said to myself ‘My God, I’m reading InTouch Magazine’. I wasn’t even at the dentist’s office.
“Look, let’s not forget what kind of career I’ve had,” Huffman continued. “I was on ‘Sports Night’. I’ve worked with Paul Thomas Anderson and David Mamet. I’ve got an Obie award, for Christ’s sake! And in the past two weeks six different interviewers have asked me questions about the rumors of friction at the Vanity Fair cover shoot over who got to dress first. I mean…Fuck!”
Huffman’s announcement is only the latest in a series of behind-the-scenes melodramas surrounding the program. Tantrums, salary disputes, and other petty rivalries have kept the cast of five leading ladies firmly in the headlines and well separated from their dignity for some time. The show has also taken criticism from a number of special interest groups, both for its lascivious story-lines, and for presenting the preposterous notion that a woman can be sexually desirable past the age of thirty-five.
Upon hearing of Huffman’s departure, co-star Teri Hatcher commented. “I don’t see what Felicity’s getting so worked up about. I agreed to surrender my dignity in exchange for $400,000 an episode over the next two years, and I did it happily. That makes me a working actress, not a whore.”
“Buy things at Radio Shack!” she hastily added.
The show’s producers were quick to respond to Huffman’s announcement.
“Obviously, we’re disappointed that Felicity is choosing not to return next season,” said ABC Spokesman Mark Hewlett. “Of course, we wish her luck in the future, and hope she enjoys a long career. That’s ‘Long’ as in ‘Shelley’, by the way.”
“Felicity brought a certain gravitas to the show,” said Albert Melmann, a representative of Touchstone Television, which produces the series. “We’re now in the unenviable position of trying to find a replacement actress who will bring an air of respectability, as well as being attractive. But not so attractive as to compete with Teri or Eva’s sex-symbol status. That would be a bad scene, I’m telling you. Anyway, we’re talking to Meredith Baxter-Birney’s people, and we’ve all got our fingers crossed.”
Love the Shelley Long comment. Nice work. How about Lisa Kudrow as the replacement. Birney might be a bit too not young, plus she's slated to do 7 movies for the Lifetime network in '05. I'm going to Tivo them all!
seymour ass
nice bush
()
Post #: 2
Posts: Rank: n/a Joined:
n/a
Location:
n/a
Posted: 5/19/2005 3:31:15 PM
Look at my striped shirt
Kristen
funny
()
Post #: 3
Posts: Rank: n/a Joined:
n/a
Location:
n/a
Posted: 5/22/2005 3:38:46 PM
"buy things at radio shack." Ha! This was a funny one. Nice job.
I'm ashamed to admit that I do actually watch the show from time to time... flip back and forth between that and Fox.
Magdalyn
Bush is such a funny word
()
Post #: 4
Posts: Rank: n/a Joined:
n/a
Location:
n/a
Posted: 5/23/2005 3:43:48 PM
I like the other comment title --'nice bush' because the word 'bush' instantly makes me laugh for some reason. Anyway---your article is very clever, witty, and silly, Dave. That's hard to attain all in one article but kudos to you for making it happen.
MEH
Well done
()
Post #: 5
Posts: Rank: n/a Joined:
n/a
Location:
n/a
Posted: 5/25/2005 10:18:03 AM
A good piece...subtle, but not too much so.
Chris Oakley
OK...
()
Post #: 6
Posts: Rank: n/a Joined:
n/a
Location:
n/a
Posted: 5/27/2005 4:41:18 PM
I'm just going to take a wild stab in the dark and guess you don't like "Desperate Housewives".
Dave Amiott
Not really
()
Post #: 7
Posts: Rank: n/a Joined:
n/a
Location:
n/a
Posted: 5/29/2005 12:52:24 PM
I've never actually seen an episode of "Desperate Housewives". I was reacting more the hoopla that surrounds it than the actual show.
Use the form at the right to log in for more options.
Posts: 
