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"I am a douche"
Dear Mr. Rome,
Approximately five weeks ago, you welcomed a new affiliate in Boston to your radio show, "The Jungle." Over the last few weeks you have constantly said that the listeners in Boston may not "get you" at first, but that they should give you a few weeks to get accustomed to the show, and then they'll probably find that they actually enjoy it.
I have listened to your show for a year now, and I must say: "I hate you, and I hate your show."
"Why do you keep listening to my crap factory....ERRRR...show, then?" you ask.
I'm a glutton for punishment, I guess. But make no bones about it, your show flat-out reeks. Listening to a bunch of dorks pretending that they actually know something about sports, while all the while cracking jokes about Tracey Gold, and worshiping you (the head dork) diminishes my faith in humanity every day that I hear your show.
Although you don't seem like it on your show, perhaps you are indeed a rational man. Hoping so, I have compiled a list of things I don't like about you, in order to help you fix your shitty, shitty show.
1. You gave yourself the nickname "Pimp in the Box." A Not only is it immature and irresponsible to give yourself a nickname, I'm pretty sure it's illegal in most states B. At least make your nickname something that makes sense. "Pimp in the Box?" What does that even mean? I'll go ahead and give you a new nickname: "Ham Sandwich on a Hot Day." Doesn't make sense either, does it? At least you didn't give it to yourself.
2. Occasionally, you land a decent interview. Morgan Ensberg, however, is not a huge interview. Good third baseman? Yes. Decent dude? Sure. Highly sought interview? No. Earlier today, you asked me to stay tuned for a big Rob Schneider interview. The following are oxymorons: Jumbo shrimp, classy RVs, and a big Rob Schneider interview.
Now THAT'S a goatee
3. Your constant barrage of Ron Goldman and Nicole Brown Simpson jokes. Seeing Jim Everett treat you like the girl that you are was a great television moment back in 1994. Also in the news that year: The O.J. Simpson murders. While they weren't especially funny then, they are unbelievably not funny eleven years later. But that doesn't stop you from bringing it up every week, does it, Jim? Of course not. You're Jim Rome and you'll do whatever the hell you want.
4. Clones. Yes, the people who call into your show often imitate your style of talking. That is because they are idiots. They enjoy your unique blend of over-pronouncing words and dead air. I do not.
5. The e-mails that you read on the air. Every fucking e-mail, same god damn format: "Dear Jim, something stupid. Signed, Ironic celebrity name." Clever. Real fucking clever. What really upsets me is when you read an e-mail (which I'm pretty sure you, yourself, actually write) and then claim to be offended by it. How about this: read it to yourself first and if it truly is inappropriate, don't read it aloud. You do know how to not read aloud, don't you? That would explain some things.
6.You have a goatee. Two types of grown men are allowed to have goatees: professional athletes and movie villains. You, Jim, are neither. Your facial hair would not upset me so much if you didn't go the pussy route and steal Gary Oldman's look. You claim to be extreme, Romey, then let's go ahead and get you an extreme goatee, too.
7. "Jim Rome is Burning" on ESPN. You're lucky that "First and Ten" is on right before that piece of shit you call a show. After sitting through a half-hour of Skip Bayless crying about God knows what, you are almost watchable. But not quite. How many TV shows have you had now, Jim? Three? Four? I can't imagine why your shows don't have any staying power. Oh, wait... yes I can. No matter what format you use on television, as long as you are on the show, chances are high that it will fail. After all, you can't polish a turd, Jim. You just can't polish a turd.
However, I did catch his little "when I found out my kid was good at soccer" story and I have to admit that it was funny as hell.
Rome is entertaining when he is on.
Which is sadly not very often.
Willis
Rome Blows
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Posted: 9/12/2005 7:39:09 AM
Good article. Rome indeed does suck, and watching Jim Everett toss that table and knock his ass over was a genuine pleasure.
Mo Low
show sucks!
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Posted: 9/12/2005 8:56:19 AM
I too think his show really blows -Monica Lowinsky
chris
OJ Murders
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Posted: 9/12/2005 11:36:47 AM
are still hilarious. always will. im laughing right now thinking about pez!
matt
Fuck 'em!
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Posted: 9/12/2005 12:07:59 PM
Rome sucks horse cock. Yiuy should be hardsher on him in this article. Jim Everett pushing him around like the teat he is priceless.
clont
Everett got clowned
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Posted: 9/12/2005 1:38:42 PM
Jim gotted bitched on this one, not Rome. He threatens Rome not to call him Chris and Rome refuses to back down and shoots back a "CHris" without missing a beat, despite giving up 90 lbs and a foot in height.
Jim Everett looked like a douche fuckwad.
Normally his show blows nowadays.
Jack Mehoffer
Doubt it sluts
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Posted: 9/12/2005 1:56:08 PM
All you bitches on here are just jealous because Jim Rome is phenomenol. He pulls more pussy than Tampax and all you little mouth breathers are just jealous of his massive cock. Perhaps you should educate yourself on the ways of Rome instead of jerking off in your grandmother's basement while you eat a mayonaise sandwhich. Sluts.
Patrick
Jack Mehoffer
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Posted: 9/12/2005 2:29:16 PM
Does someone need a hug
backwards
in the nude?
wtf
WHERE'S THE COMEDY?
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Posted: 9/12/2005 3:43:28 PM
We get it. You hate Rome. You could have saved yourself the twenty mintues it took to write this shit with one sentence: I hate Jim Rome. What an awfully uncreative way to sublimate your anger towards something. Anger-yes! Comedy-hell no!
Snake
Jack Mehoffer is an idiot
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Posted: 9/12/2005 4:23:20 PM
Jim Rome is married you asshole. He also has kids. He also doesn't pull pussy becuase you can't pull what you already have. And your Tampax comment. Wow. I heard that on HBO like 6 months ago, and laughed. 6 months later...not funny. Stop posting your idiotic bullshit and actually think before talking. And I like the gay little name too. I laughed at that 6 years ago. I bet your dad's name is Mike Hunt.
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