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Yup
Rick got his Publisher's Clearing house envelope this week. He promptly filled it out and ordered 20 subscriptions to Rolling Stone. "You just gotta believe" he said.
Good Luck Rick. But speaking of wining and losing what were the worst game shows on TV? We're not counting anything with a reality spin, heavy (Survivor) or light (Weakest link).
These are true blue game shows where we don't know anything about the contestants except to say where they are from and how pathetic they look jumping up and down in a sweater with cats on it on national television. Once again all lists are subject except this one. To quote the Highlander "There can Be only One" but feel free to name several.
The Ultimate Eleven Worst TV Game Shows:
Supermarket Sweep (1993-2000) The Game: Players answer questions based on commercial jingles to earn more time. The earned time is then spent on a Shopping spree in the studio's Grocery store.
Where some game shows like "The Price is Right" hide the act of shopping beneath clever games and spinning wheels, Supermarket Sweep pulls no punches openly patronizing its predominantly female viewers. One particularly ridiculous aspect of the show was the obviously gay couples who were hilariously described on the show as "Best Friends" "Cousins", or "Field Hockey teammates". The Bull Dykes always were the best contestants. Hands down.
Bumper Stumpers (1987-1990) The Game: In this Canadian game show created by Wink Martindale, contestants try to decipher vanity license plates.
Remember that game you played on vacation where you and your sister tried to guess what the douchebag with the personalized license plates was trying to get across to his fellow motorists with his gay personalized license plates? Remember how it wasn't even fun under those circumstances, when you were trapped and didn't have any other entertainment options because you had already "I Spied" everything? Now imagine, if you will, an entire televised half hour devoted to that miserable game. Let me sum it up for you: FKING LAME.
Press Your Luck (1983-1986) The Game: After answering 3 questions, contestants have to gamble winnings on a randomly flashing light-board by hitting button to stop it. The results can range from increased winnings to hitting the "Whammy" which caused a cartoon character to appear and the player loses all their winnings.
In this game of "skill" you press a button. That's it. And to hip it up we'll throw in some piss poor animations that we had our interns draw on a 20 sheets of paper. The original board was so crappy that Ohioan Michael Paul Larson, memorized the few patterns it ran and got himself on the show taking them for over $110,000. Producers later enhanced the board and placed a $75k cap on winnings. Larson blew threw the money in less than two years. He's now a manager at a Wal-Mart (I'm not even kidding.).
I'm Telling!: (1987-1988) The Game: In this short-lived clone of "The Newlywed Game," two siblings usually a brother and a sister shared secrets about each other.
I really want to know what TV executive said "Hey I love the newlywed game! If only the couples were somehow related and under 12".
Nick Arcade (1992-1993) The Game: This show consisted of kids playing videogames to score points. The team with the most points got to go inside a videogame (weatherman's Green screen) and compete for a grand prize.
I guess this game was geared towards poor kids who couldn't afford game systems of their own. You literally watch other kids play video games. That's the show. And then, the winning kids get to be placed.....inside a video game! They then awkwardly try to touch green-screened gold coins while a poor man's LeVar Burton host guy yells at them about how great they're doing. Hey Nickelodeon! You better get some slime up in this mother fucker real quick-like because this game sucks ass.
Family Double Dare (1988-1993) The Game: Just like "Double Dare" (1986) but family members are invited to play too.
Whose idea was it to bring in Mom and Dad to queer up Double Dare? The last thing anyone ever needed to see was dad's fat ass lumbering down the "Sundae Slide" or mom painfully creeping along on the "Icy Trike" ruining any chance of actually winning something good besides some crappy telescope and a word processor. On a side note. We both feel that Announcer John Harvey may have touched a few kids in his tenure on the any of the Double Dare shows.
(No Video... Deleted By Viacom)
Scrabble! (1984-1990) The Game: A game show based on the popular board game of the same name, hosted by Chuck Woolery.
What's the only thing more boring than getting stuck playing this board game with your grand parents and their friends? Watching people from the 80's play it on television. A special place in retard hell is reserved for the studio audience who actually sat and watched these housewives from Ann Arbor Michigan and dental assistants from Sioux Fall South Dakota play this lifeless game. "Scrabble!" is also notable as having some of the worst props in game show history. Your button was a clear acrylic tube that came up to your neck and "Number tiles" which were, in reality, just fucking hard plastic tiles that fell into a slot inside the desk presumably on the head of an intern in charge of picking the next letters.
The Price is Right (Prime Time) (1985-1986) The Game: A syndicated night time version of the show hosted by Tom Kennedy.
We love the Price is Right and when Bob Barker leaves the show in a few months we hope it goes into the ground with him. This version of the show however was completely doomed. It was on weeknights around 7 pm. Right around the time their primary viewers were either getting ready for bed or being embalmed.
Louie Anderson's Family Feud (1999-2002) The Game: Two competing families compete by trying to outguess the opponents about survey results. Hosted by Louie Anderson.
Ok so the original Host was Richard Dawson, a slightly enigmatic yet charismatic former comedic actor. Then it was hosted by Ray Combs, a struggling road comic who would end up hanging himself in the closet of a psychiatric hospital. So who should we get to host the show to follow in their footsteps? Louie Anderson of course! He always appeared charismatic yet completely disconnected, and very suicidal. That is if you consider slowly eating yourself to death suicide.
Fun House (1988-1991) The Game: Contestants had to answer trivia questions and participate in challenges. This was followed by a race between the two teams around a track that involved a variety of bizarre push carts. The team with the most points at the end of the game got to enter the Fun House.
I don't care how hot those twin Cheerleaders were, J.D. Roth and this poor man's Double Dare blew donkey balls. Those cheerleaders were pretty hot though. If the producers were smart they would have made sure to keep them covered in hot oil, syrup, or whatever. The real "Fun House" would have been their panties. I was 12! What the fuck was I supposed to do with a BMX bike when there were twin nympho cheerleaders standing there?
Where in the World is Carmen San Diego? (1991-1996) The Game: Contestants pursue Carmen, an international thief, as junior detectives who must answer questions about geography.
You can't fool me adults! This isn't a fun game show. You're trying to make me learn and I ain't having it. I'm a kid. I don't want to watch a bunch of nerds my age who paid attention in class make me feel dumb because they know where Canada is. Every game show I watch should at least have the possibility of ending with a kid going down an inflatable slide and landing in a giant hot fudge sundae. We couldn't find clips of the show, so here is some footage of the incomparable "Rockapella" performing the hit theme song live on stage right before rapping up their concert and then not getting laid.
Cash Explosion (1987-2006) The Game: A weekly Ohio Lottery show where contestants pick spots on a board to reveal cash prizes which they keep. The biggest winners goes on to the bonus round to pick spots on an entirely board. Contestants were drawn scratch and win tickets mailed in.
Cash explosion earns the coveted 11 spot on the list. It sucked yet it sucked even for a TV show run by the local state lottery. Even though you'd have to be from Ohio to know this show, think of any local news contest and add in that the contestants are either pig farmers or assemblymen and you've got this show down. From Zanesville to Sylvania, these Ohioans always dressed the part. You know they didn't want to look like slobs or out of work lottery junkies so naturally they always wore something nice. Typically something like a denim vest and sweat pants. There were also those hapless folks who thought that "dressing up" meant wearing their GOOD Browns jersey. You also couldn't beat this show for absolute apathy. When getting on the show meant winning a scratch and win lottery ticket, there are no producers to pick the charismatic from the sociopathic. Most contestants seemed either petrified that they were on TV or as if on the inside pocket of their jacket was a zip lock bag filled with the thumbs of highway drifters. Cash Explosion is the reason Jim left Ohio. That and the staggering unemployment.
Posts: 11 Rank: 148 Joined:
12/16/2006
Location:
Chicago, IL
Posted: 3/29/2007 8:20:58 AM
Know what else is FKING LAME? The fact that you tried to make up a fake license plate and somewhoe FKD ITUP.
You see that one? Seven digits bitch. Just like a real vanity plate. Your FKING LAME plate, on the other hand is nine digits, and we all know it is a physical impossibility for Johnny life-no-parole to count to nine, let alone fit nine FKING digits on your FKING vanity plate.
Posts: 71 Rank: 69 Joined:
10/21/2005
Location:
New York, NY
Posted: 3/29/2007 9:05:22 AM
...and Scrabble wasn't half bad! Of course, I was only 4 when I watched that shit, so maybe it did suck.
I always loved watching Carmen San Diego. For the final round some lucky bastards would get a map of the US or Europe, and then some poor fuckers would draw Africa and end up getting about two right.
I also loved how at the end if you'd won you got to pick where they would send you, but the kids only got to write down vague answers like "Florida" or "California. "
I agree Press Your luck was one of the best game shows of its day. Hell, the reruns are timeless . What has the world come to when people bash PYL and then, Question: What kind of man could let himself start a paragraph " I don't care how hot those twin Cheerleaders were,"? First rule in writing as a straight man, dont do that! You can never recover from that.
You know what can ruin an otherwise entertaining article? The shitty grammar. Listen, you can't rely on MS Word to underline your mistakes. You have to re-read this shit. Someone should. I'm not trying to bust balls, it just really, really takes away from the desired effect of being funny. I'm only typing this because I like this site and want to make sure there is some quality control. I know, I know, I'm the dick.
Posts: 214 Rank: 21 Joined:
12/14/2006
Location:
NYC, NY
Posted: 3/29/2007 9:48:47 AM
to put "deal or no deal" on the list. I've seen only 3 minutes of this crap, but essentially some ass-monkey picks a suitcase at the beginning and then tries to get talked out of taking the money inside. The contestant is guarunteed to win something. Plus the E! channel had a segment (I didn't watch) focusing on the "banker" and how there's a real guy involved. Who watches this turd?
Posts: 92 Rank: 3053 Joined:
1/3/2007
Location:
Chicago, IL
Posted: 3/29/2007 9:50:06 AM
Supermarket sweep lasted 7 frickin years... how could it have been terrible????? Seriously, any show that lasts 7 years in this day and age has got to be decent.
And f-you, I learned some countries from Carmen. Do It Rockapella!!!
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