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I already ordered you a bunch of these!
Have I got a surprise for you!
Ok, ok, ok. Let me calm down. I can't wait to see the look on your face after I tell you this. Calm down, Elliot. Calm down.
Ok. Ready?
You have AIDS! Surprise!
Holy shit, you're speechless. You're speechless! There are literally no words to describe your level of excitement right now! AIDS! I know, right? AIDS!
How, you ask? That's easy! Remember when I told you I was visiting my parents at the beach last month? Well… I wasn't! I was in Haiti, banging prostitutes and booting Heroin! Surprise!
No, it's not HIV. What do I look like? Do you think I would give you a half-assed gift like HIV? No way, honey, you have AIDS! Full-blown!
Tag! You're it! With AIDS!
Tears are starting to fall down your face! Oh my god, let me get you a tissue. This is like one of those Publishers Clearing House commercials where they show the excited people winning millions of dollars. Except, instead of millions of dollars, you got AIDS!
Inside your body! Ooooh, creepy!
Who's the big winner? You are! Of AIDS!
Of course you need to sit down! You have AIDS! You'll do a lot of sitting in your future. In a robe, sipping broth from a coffee mug while your hair falls out and you shit yourself because you are too weak to get to the toilet. Don't bother thanking me!
No, no, your life isn't over! Your life has just begun. A new life. With AIDS! An AIDS life! Full of tears, disappointed relatives and back seat trips to the emergency room.
I'll bet you can't wait!
What? Are you serious? Bwahahahaha! There's no cure! There's no cure for AIDS! Every minute that passes, you are inching closer and closer to your ultimate demise at the hands of an incurable, debilitating hell-spawned condition! Sweeeeeet!
What? Fuck me? Fuck me? Why? You want to get AIDS or something!?
Haha, just kidding. You already have AIDS. You can't get it more than once. It's like the Chicken Pox like that. You only get it once. And then you die.
Of AIDS!
Well, I'm gonna go. I have to finish making a sign that tells everyone you have AIDS. I plan on hanging them all over the city, rendering you an outcast with no chance at a normal existence.
Posts: 856 Rank: 2 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
Seattle, WA
Posted: 7/12/2007 2:13:27 PM
ok guys, just so you know - There is an AIDS kinda punchline in my next article (which I wrote over a week ago). However, I mentioned the story in a thread before, so you know I'm not stealing. Also, my AIDS joke is much, much better.
Hey Family Guy, sing along: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s-vZJpqQufs
Posts: 1542 Rank: 6 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
New York, NY
Posted: 7/12/2007 2:32:57 PM
I thought I had herpes. Luckily I didn't. Anyway, it got me to thinking: they should have clubs for this or bars at least. For people that have herpes or AIDS. Obviously, it sucks that you have AIDS/herpes, but as the article stated you can't get it again, right? And those people sans herpes/AIDS don't want to get it, so there should be bars where people with herpes/AIDS hang out. I'm no doctor (or murse), but if two people with herpes fuck raw dog then what harm can be done? They both already had it!
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