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So good. So Sizzler.
SALT LAKE CITY, UT—After enjoying a quiet dinner at Sizzler on Main St. Friday night, a nondescript family of six took turns defecating in a single men's restroom toilet without flushing it, Sizzler officials said.
"It smells like fucking shit," Sizzler manager Pete Klausen said Saturday. "This Gang Dump was a cowardly act!"
The giant pile of shit was discovered by weekend opening manger Charlene Thompson early Saturday morning. The night crew had apparently gotten drunk and stoned and forgot to clean the restrooms Friday night.
"I thought I farted out in the parking lot," Thomson said. "But when I got closer to the building I knew it wasn't me. When I unlocked and opened the door a strong waft of shit hit me right in the face. I vomited all over the welcome mat."
Sizzler employees said the dinning family was completely normal.
"It was an average family, " hostess Michelle Rup said. "The father was in his thirties and the mother was very pretty. The kids were all well behaved and blonde haired and blue eyed. There were two boys and two girls, probably between five and seventeen. I just don't understand why they'd make a small child do something like that."
Waiter Jim Hernandez didn't notice anything unusual Friday night. "I was getting the check and we were ready to close," he said. "They were having desert and they had tipped really well. I noticed each one got up and went to the restroom but I didn't think anything of it."
"I saw them go into the bathroom," busboy Mike Loomis said. "It was weird. The mother went into the men's room with the little girl. Then I saw the each of the brothers go in. I knew something was up when I saw the older sister go in. I never heard the toilet flush once."
Sizzler officials say the father was the mastermind behind the defecation.
"He paid in cash," Klausen said. " And I know for a fact he was the last one out. There's a log the size of a baby's leg sitting on a shit pie in there."
Apparently none of the family used toilet paper or bothered to wash their hands. "They just went in real fast and came back out again," Loomis said. "The mother and the kids were out in the car waiting when dad was done. He must have exploded his colon dropping that bomb." Complicating matters, Klausen said the gang-dumped stall was reserved for handicapped customers.
"You know, it's one thing to do something that horrible in regular toilet. But when you've gone and shit all over the physically challenged you've gone to far!"
Sizzler on Main St. will be closed for the next week while fumigating and fixing the plumbing.
Posts: 1510 Rank: 4 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
New York, NY
Posted: 8/6/2007 10:09:44 AM
Would have preferred a new one, but it's always good to be reminded of the classics. If anyone out there has ever pulled this off I would like a detailed story here in this message board. Thanks
Posts: 552 Rank: 22 Joined:
12/8/2006
Location:
north babylon, NY
Posted: 8/6/2007 10:14:20 AM
I was visiting a friend at Cortland in upstate New York and they had this apartment that was off of campus. Four guys, one bathroom. Now anyone who's lived with a bunch of guys knows the bathroom is probably the most important place in the whole house. Needless to say after a night of drinking ourselves to oblivion and eating Calzone's from D.P. Dough (if you've ever had one you'd know how amazing they truely are) I one-man gang dumpeded the toilet at this place. It basically looked like someone spackled the entire bottom of the toilet shut. No amount of plunging was going to fix this mess. They had to wait two days for the cheap ass landlord to get a plumber in there. It took weeks for the smell to disapate. I've never been prouder in my life.
Posts: 254 Rank: 28 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
East Lansing, MI
Posted: 8/6/2007 10:24:03 AM
(damn straight Birkz), After the South Park episode about deucing in the urinal, after my dorm suitemates and I ate Caesar calzones and bad chinese food, we thought it would be funny to each shit in a different urinal. Needless to say our floor got fined 100 bucks in charges for each of the four urinals with poo in it, but it was a good time. Not neccessarily a gang dump, but just another story involving shit.
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