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Mike's just chilling casually by a brick wall
I've loved so many women since beginning this column that I'm beginning to feel like a glutton. So, I'm going to step back and play cupid (because I like to frolic naked with angel wings on).This week I shoot my arrows of love at Mike, a seventeen-year old aspiring male model from Coatesville, Pennsylvania, and Anya Monzikova, a Russian-born model from Deal or No Deal.
MODEL? Dork? Can't I just be both?? When it comes to girls, i'm extremely picky!! i won't date or even think a girl is attractive if...she doesn't have perfect teeth-meaning STRAIGHT AND WHITE AS HELL!!! IF A GIRL HAS BLONDE HAIR AND BLUE EYES-->NOPE!!!! DISGUSTING!!!! I LIKE BROWN-HAIRED, BROWN-EYED GIRLS ALL THE WAY!!!
OBSESSIONS.... - Britney spears! (fuckin gorgeous bitch!!) - Teeth Bleach - white ricotta pizza (my italian side.). - my 6-second abs and my ab belt! - White Clothes!!!!!! - Xena: The Warrior Princess!! - Buffy: The Vampire Slayer! - King Of Queens! _ Tru Calling!
I am currently in college studying film and one day hope to work as an actor, director, producer and writer. I love all aspects of the film industry and find it very fulfilling in terms of my creative needs. I would love to do an action film someday, and I am currently studying Wushu and taking stunt classes, so that I can do my own stunts
From survey on her page: Your Fears: death Your Perfect Pizza: cheese Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: get a boyfriend, pass college Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: lol
The Date
Mike tells Anya to meet him by the train tracks because he looks ruggedly handsome there. He leaves his shirt in the car and does 100 crunches on the side of the road, just to make sure his six-pack is super-fucking rocking.
He walks around the corner and sees Anya standing there holding a metal briefcase.
"Arty, Neglected, Young, Astonishing," he says real cool-like.
"What?" she says.
"I read your Myspace. That's the aneurysm you have on your page."
"Oh, you mean the acronym?"
"Whatever," he says and flexes his abs. "What's the suitcase for?"
"I was told to bring it, so you'd know who I am," she says. "At first I thought it was pointless since I didn't see anyone else around, but while I was waiting, I used it to beat away three hobos who tried to rape me."
"Awesome!" he says. "You're like Xena. Once she beat away three underworld demons with a broad sword."
Anya sniffs, "What's that smell?"
Mike smells his arm pits real quick and shrugs, "It could be my teeth bleach."
"No, it smells like coconut oil."
"Yep, that's probably my teeth bleach. It's a new flavor," he smiles. "Or it could be my tanning oil."
"But it's almost night time?"
"What about the fluorescent lights?" he says. "C'mon, I'm going to take you to my favorite restaurant, Fazoli's."
Because Mike refuses to put a shirt on, they have to go through the drive-thru at Fazoli's. He orders the Rigatoni Romano and she gets a slice of cheese pizza.
"You can order more if you want," Mike says. "You're not fat."
"Um, thanks, but that should fill me up."
Mike pats his belly and says, "Yeah, I don't usually order that much, but I haven't eaten in five days."
Though a brutal ass kicking of Mike where he's forced to eat his front 4 pearly whites followed by a Michael Knight in the bathroom with his favorite waitress-type scene with Anya would be even better.
Posts: 2047 Rank: 5 Joined:
2/27/2007
Location:
Ventura, CA
Posted: 9/26/2007 10:33:54 AM
Anya's number is #10. She is always #10.
I just hear don the radio about this Russian kid who ran away from home and the somehow got onto the wing of a Boeing 747 and held on during the entire flight (didn't say how long). When they landed, the ground crew found him up their, still alive, covered in frostbite. For some reason, I find that fucking hilarious.
Do your usual investigative work into this Anya chick, she dusts your t-shirt girl. Also, go down to the courthouse and pay for all these parking tickets. Thanks
"I got ketchup on my blue jeans, I just burnt my hand. Lord its hard to be a bachelor man."
Posts: 1123 Rank: 9 Joined:
3/13/2007
Location:
My Cubicle, CO
Posted: 9/26/2007 10:42:49 AM
I would love to have someone hold that tool down and force him at gunpoint to keep a mouthful of grape juice for a solid week. Watching the tears stream down his face as he felt his teeth turning purple would give me so much joy it scares me.
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