Man, this game is boring. Im fucking hammered and I still cant enjoy this. There is nothing worse than a 6-1 game in the sixth inning. Nothing. We did the wave already and that sucked. They already showed the bloopers between innings. Theres nothing left to do. Shit, I should just run onto the field.
Wait, thats it! I should do that. Why not? I have always gotten a kick out of seeing it happen in the past. Its the best. The ultimate game of cat and mouse. An undermatched, inebriated fan against fired-up security guards who have just been waiting for someone to test them. Today I will be that someone!
So thats it - Im going to do it. I have no idea what Ill do when I get out there, but Ill improvise. Maybe Ill slide into second, or third even. Yeah, head first into third just like Pete Rose! Im going to be a hero. People will be talking about this for years to come. Ill show my dad that I am somebody and I can achieve!
Sure, the security guards will come after me, but I can duck em for a while. If I make it long enough I may even land a spot on the blooper reel. Hell yeah! Some of those guys are pretty big though. Good thing Ive had sixteen beers to numb the inevitable pain of being tackled by five gigantic men.
The fans need this, because this game sucks so bad. I am fully aware that the announcers will refer to me as some idiot for running on the field, but Im not trying to impress them. This is for the fans- for the city! I will have 50,000 strong rooting me on. Fathers and sons will be united in my cause. I am going to be an inspiration!
You think you can keep me off this field?
Okay, let me think. Do I need my shirt when I do this? Not really. Pants? Possibly, but wouldnt I have a better chance of being remembered if Im only wearing my chones? I think so! Then it is settled. Just me and my skivvies. I wish I had thought of this sooner. I could have tattooed goldenpalace.com on my chest and made some cash to help post bail. Oh well, cant live in the past gotta be in the moment. Its zero-hour, go time!
Here we go, Im over the railing. Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. What am I doing? Fuck, here they come. Already? God dammit, Ill never make it to third. Im in no mans land. Hey, is that an umpire? It is! He sucks! Fans hate umpires. I hate umpires. I am going to tackle that umpire.
Whoa, thats one big-ass security guard. Gotta change plans, cutback right. Yes! My first ditch. I can hear the fans. I can hear them cheer! Okay, where to now? Whoop, I better duck! Missed me! Ha! Im like Barry fucking Sanders. Cant catch me, no way. No one can catch me, no one can
Hey, these things happen
Aw fuck, Im down. Hey, dont hog tie me, you assholes. I was only giving the people what they want. Ouch, my arm! Fucking pricks. Not so tight! Damn. Did I make it fifteen seconds? Ahh, get that nightstick off my neck. What are you
Where the hell am I? Did I pass out? I must have. Wait a second. Oh man, this is it! The stadium holding cell. Nice. I always knew I could make it here.
I wonder if the news is waiting outside to interview me. They probably are. I cant wait. Im going to be famous. This is the smartest thing I have ever done. Everything went perfect. I just wish I had managed to tackle that umpire. But thats okay, Ill get his ass next time!
Funny Posted: 6/17/2005by: Alex Blagg had me laughing... White Sox-4-Life Posted: 6/17/2005by: i heart pizza All you Larry's from Ohio love tooting your own horn about the grit of your fans/teams, but none will compare in shear trash/drunkiness/criminality as do White Sox fans. In one season, the "Pride of the South Side" Comisky Park was the site for two on-field assualts...one upon an umpire and the other upon the visiting team's 1st base coach. Get bent! Stadium Posted: 6/17/2005by: Jus This is the kind of stuff that keeps me attending live events of all kinds. I love that these guys truly believe they are going to actually get away at some point. Like they're just gonna climb the green monster and run out of the park or something. Boring Posted: 6/17/2005by: Lame Just another useless rant. It had potential, but ended up in the crapper. Super Bowl 38 in Houston Posted: 6/17/2005by: Terry Puhl's Ghost I was there and the goldenpalace.com streaker was a MUCH bigger deal to those in attendance than the Janet Jackson thing. He danced a little jig, was clocked by one of the Panthers special teams and was physically carried off the field by six HPD. Standing O and cheers from the crowd.
Of course, they wouldn't show it on TV, so all his efforts were for naught, and all anyone could talk about was a breast exposed for 0.3 seconds.
