My pick to win the AFC West this year. Look for The Snake to finally shake the overwhelming shadow of John Elway. Coupled with Denvers ground game, Plummer is primed to play off last years 4,000 yard season and have a breakout year. If he can cut last years 20 interceptions in half, look for big things from the Denver offense. And while were at it, dont sleep on the importance of The Phat Phrees All-Criminal Team punter Todd Sauerbrun jacking kicks at Mile High Stadium. With Denvers ground game, field position is sure to play a huge role in their success or failure, presuming he can stay out of prison.
On the other side of the ball, Denver inexplicably decided to raid the Cleveland Browns defensive line, bringing no less than four members of this never-touted unit to the Mile High city. You gotta wonder what Shanahan is smoking when he not only drafts the already-cut Maurice Clarett in the third round, but he cleans out the Browns ineffective D-line. Did he mistake Michael Myers for Austin Powers? Or if it was names, perhaps he fancied Ebenezer Ekuban. Did he forget that Courtney Brown is arguably the biggest first overall pick bust in NFL history? Or maybe he was enamored by Gerard Warrens four sacks last year. No one knows for sure, but at the end of the day its still an upgrade. Coupled with crazy motherfucker John Lynch crackin heads from the safety position the Broncos should be able to score more than they allow most of the time and come out ahead in the tight AFC West.
Predictions:
Record: 11-5 Shanahans face: Leathery Mystery 1,000 yard running back: Tatum Bell Jake Plummer: Full beard by November
Kansas City (2004 Record: 7-9)
The Chiefs finished 2004 second only to Indianapolis in points scored, but only Oakland (442), SF (452) and Tennessee (439) allowed more points than the Chiefs (435). Listen up gamblers, this cannot be stressed enough- always bet the over when they play. Ever year at this time there are stories and reports written stating that the Chiefs defense is ready to turn the corner, but every year the give up 30 plus on opening day and go downhill from there (except 03, when they only gave up 14 on their way to starting the season 9-0). Regardless, you can expect to see a lot of good old-fashioned shootouts this year, especially in Week 2, when the Chiefs head out to Oakland, where they will win 52-45.
The Chiefs also arent wasting any time getting arrested this preseason. On August 15th, defensive tackle Junior Siavii was arrested following a drunken confrontation in a downtown Minneapolis hotel, and teammate Greg Wesley was arrested when he allegedly charged the police officers involved. Then three days later on August 18th, place kicker Lawrence Tynes was charged with breaking a bouncer's nose in a bar fight. That had to be humiliating for the bouncer- getting his nose busted by a kicker. Despite their legal woes, the very fact that their kicker is a scrapper bodes well for them this season. Look for them to sneak into the playoffs in the seasons final week.
Predictions:
Record: 9-7 Dick Vermeil: Shedding tears in press conferences by Week 5 Priest Holmes: Injured Reserve by Week 6 Player arrests: At their current pace somewhere around 150
Oakland (2004 Record: 6-10)
Time for a quick rant. Being from Los Angeles, I cannot understand why there are still so many Raiders fans out here. They were a tease. They came from Oakland, played here for a while and never won shit, and then they packed it up and headed back to the bay. Fuck them. Being from LA and rooting for the Raiders is exactly like having your ex-girlfriend leave you and go back to her old boyfriend, then rooting for their relationship to work out. Now I ask you LA Raider fans, is this how you would respond in such a situation? Hell no, youd grab your nine and shoot that bitch. So what gives with the Raiders?
Okay, now that weve got that out of the way, on to the preview. Did you hear the Raiders got Randy Moss? Hes good. You know what else? Hes an asshole that only plays when he wants to. Youd think he worked in Accounts Payable with the amount of times hes mailed it in. When he decides to play hes great, theres no doubting that. Unfortunately for the Raiders, it isnt very often. They also picked up LaMont Jordan to assist their pathetic running game, which should amount to a three game improvement over last year and a nice .500 season. Raider Nation rejoice!
Predictions:
Record: 8-8 Randy Moss season marijuana intake: 2 lbs. 9 oz. Years left to live for Al Davis: 2 Fistfights at Raider home games: 7,304
San Diego (2004 Record: 12-4)
Was last season a mirage or the real deal? Thats the question surrounding Southern Californias only professional football team. One thing is for sure- Drew Brees future as the quarterback depends on a successful 05 campaign. If the man with the most famous mole in NFL history (seriously Drew, youre rich now- get that goddamned unsightly thing removed already) can repeat his performance from last year, then bonus baby Phillip Rivers may be on his way out of town. If not, Rivers stays and Brees is off to Cleveland or Chicago, where his career will almost certainly collapse faster than the pocket he drops back into.
The Chargers return all 22 starters from last years 12-4 season, but dont be fooled into thinking that they can match that this year. Games at New England, Philly and Indy are three automatic losses that they didnt have on last years soft schedule. Look for San Diego to hang around, but not be able to close out at Kansas City and in their season finale at home versus Denver. Also look for their passive fans to not really give a shit.
Predictions:
Record: 7-9 Drew Brees mole: Cancerous Average home game temperature: 72 degrees Games played in those awful powder blue jerseys: 2
It's a birthmark. Posted: 12/11/2005by: Sam Get over it, and maybe consider moving on to topics worth discussing in an article on football.
By the by, 'cancerous'? That's about as tasteless as a 'you momma' joke. I hope you don't receive paychecks for that sort of drivel. Dick V. Tears Posted: 11/8/2005by: Jeff You were four weeks too early on the Dick Vermeil press conference tears. wow, this was off Posted: 9/13/2005by: c OK, I'm a Raiders fan, and here's some of the things you managed to get wrong in just a few sentences:
2004 Record 6-10
-- Last year, the Raiders were 5-11. You could look it up.
"They came from Oakland, played here for a while and never won shit" -- The Raiders won a Superbowl while in Los Angeles.
"Hes an asshole that only plays when he wants to. -- So Randy Moss has the best stats since Jerry Rice and still manages to mail it in more than somebody who works in accounts receivable? (Don't stretch so hard on your jokes, btw, you might hurt yourself.) If that's him slouching, we'll take it. Ex-Raider Greg Biekert says Moss was an excellent, hard-working teammate -- maybe you should believe everything you read.
"Fistfights at Raider home games: 7,304" -- I've been going to Raiders games since 1976. Here's what I can tell you: Before they moved to LA, there were a lot of fistfights after the game between drunks. In LA, the gangs would show up in the cheap end zone seats and fight armies of cops that would emerge from the tunnels like ants. BUT NOW in Oakland, I have yet to see a SINGLE fight at the Raiders game. I saw one giant grabbing women's tits, and that's it.
Anyway, way to regurgitate stereotypes, get your facts wrong AND, worst of all, not manage to be funny.
Chargers Posted: 9/8/2005by: Justin P Regardless of a more difficult schedule, the Bolts still sport the best running back in all the land and a pretty solid defense. And their fans are fair-weather, not apathetic. Get it right, man... Not Posted: 9/6/2005by: K-dog I know you are trying to be funny but your not doing a very good job my man. Oh and by the way you know nothing about football. Anyone who thinks that the Raiders will have a better season then the Chargers is on crack.
The Chiefs finished 2004 second only to Indianapolis in points scored, but only Oakland (442), SF (452) and Tennessee (439) allowed more points than the Chiefs (435). Listen up gamblers, this cannot be stressed enough- always bet the over when they play. Ever year at this time there are stories and reports written stating that the Chiefs defense is ready to turn the corner, but every year the give up 30 plus on opening day and go downhill from there (except 03, when they only gave up 14 on their way to starting the season 9-0). Regardless, you can expect to see a lot of good old-fashioned shootouts this year, especially in Week 2, when the Chiefs head out to Oakland, where they will win 52-45.
Time for a quick rant. Being from Los Angeles, I cannot understand why there are still so many Raiders fans out here. They were a tease. They came from Oakland, played here for a while and never won shit, and then they packed it up and headed back to the bay. Fuck them. Being from LA and rooting for the Raiders is exactly like having your ex-girlfriend leave you and go back to her old boyfriend, then rooting for their relationship to work out. Now I ask you LA Raider fans, is this how you would respond in such a situation? Hell no, youd grab your nine and shoot that bitch. So what gives with the Raiders? 
Was last season a mirage or the real deal? Thats the question surrounding Southern Californias only professional football team. One thing is for sure- Drew Brees future as the quarterback depends on a successful 05 campaign. If the man with the most famous mole in NFL history (seriously Drew, youre rich now- get that goddamned unsightly thing removed already) can repeat his performance from last year, then bonus baby Phillip Rivers may be on his way out of town. If not, Rivers stays and Brees is off to Cleveland or Chicago, where his career will almost certainly collapse faster than the pocket he drops back into. 
