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It's On!
Hey buddy. I see you’re checking out those Cool Whip containers huh? You've got a good eye my friend. No? You weren’t? Well that’s too bad. A fella could keep pretty much anything he wants in those. It’s just like Tupperware really. Same thing. But that’s cool. It’s your loss. Just keep looking. I’m sure you’ll find something you want to buy at my Shitty Garage Sale.
Do you like clothes? Looking to update the old wardrobe a bit? Well you came to the right place my friend. How about this long sleeved shirt that has the word “Aeropostale” really big on it? This was a gift from my mom. I’ve never even worn it. Think about it. What a great way to look fashionable while letting everyone know that you shop at Aeropostale! No? Not your style? I hear you.
Well then how about this Darius Miles Cleveland Cavaliers jersey? At 3 bucks that’s a steal! He’s doing some great stuff in Portland nowadays. No it’s not “dated”. It’s a “Throwback”. That’s the look right now. It’s what all those rappers are wearing.
Come on dude, buy something.
Yes, we have baby clothes.
How about this Nintendo Entertainment System? This thing’s a classic! I’ll even throw in a couple of games. Say, “Bad Dudes” the “Super Mario/Duck Hunt” combo. Sound good? Five minutes of playing those and you’ll say, “X-Box what?” Yeah, the door part broke off the console a long time ago. But it still works if you blow in it a little. No, I don’t know where the little gray box TV connector piece is. But you can get one of those at any Radio Shack..
Come on man!
Are you a movie buff? I’ve got some great VHS tapes over here that it’s just killing me to part with. Remember “The Mask”? Jim Carrey was so great in that! With all those crazy faces he makes!
Or how about “Father of the Bride 2”? Steve Martin’s back and his family’s still driving him nuts! No? Gonna pass on that? All right. It’s your funeral man.
How about this “Ab Roller”? This was endorsed by that ponytail guy. Summer’s right around the corner man, are you ready for the swimsuit season? No sale? Okay.
Buy my Sociology text book from college! The book store wouldn’t buy it back because they weren’t teaching this class the next semester. You should buy it. What do you mean “No Thanks”? I guess you know everything there is to know about Sociology, huh professor? My bad. I wasn’t aware of that.
Well there has to be something here at my Shitty Garage Sale that you want to buy.
The worst is the lady that looks at your old chia pet as if it's covered in dog piss then trys to make a lowball offer to take it of your hands.
worse then that is the guy who refuses to take any lowball offers even though we all know what you cant sell at a garage sale gets thrown away.
Greart artical Polk.
TheVic
Holy Hell
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Posted: 5/2/2005 10:00:57 AM
I just played golf on Sat, first time doing anything active, and my abs are really sore. It kind of made laughing my ass off to this column hurt.
Good day
Steve
Nice
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Posted: 5/2/2005 10:38:25 AM
Very good stuff Mike, you never dissappoint.
Janis
so true
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Posted: 5/2/2005 12:39:12 PM
This is right on the money.
Jack
good article
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Posted: 5/2/2005 12:57:04 PM
How much for the clock decorated with sea shells?
steve
everyone in their 20's should remember this code for life
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Posted: 5/2/2005 2:01:27 PM
There's no way that NES would last at garage sale. I'll bet if you would've have Contra with it, that fucker would've sold. UUDDLRLRBABASelectStart !!!! BOO-YAH...30 lives, bitch. Sorry aliens in the game, you lose.
Margaret
Cassingle
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Posted: 5/2/2005 2:05:03 PM
Do you have any Air Supply cassingles available? Because if so, then you've got yourself a deal!
Jackal
YES!
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Posted: 5/2/2005 2:08:57 PM
Steve, I thought my cousin and I were the only ones that remembered the code to Contra. There really are people as dorky as me out there. Scary.
Snowman
Rubix Cube
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Posted: 5/2/2005 2:09:32 PM
Things I witnessed at garagae sales: - a guy trying to talk another go down on a rubix cube missing 4-5 sticker colors from $1.50 to $1 -two old ladies cursing each other out over the ugliest curtains I have ever seen. Apparently the Curtain rods were sold seperately, even though they were attached -A guy getting caught stealing womens clothes cause he apparently was to shy to buy them for himself. -A women use a mens electric shaver on her face to see if it actually worked.
Great post, nothing like watching poor people that can't afford real clothes and other crap, trying to spend their wellfare money on some old clock made of sea shells.
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